Early on in my childhood I somehow developed an inability to say “No”.  Didn’t seem to matter if it was something I wanted to do or not…the word no, got stuck somewhere between not wanting to annoy someone and wanting to be popular.  Pitiful, I know.  But there you are and there I was.  Stuck.

Wouldn’t it be great if I told you, that it didn’t take me too long to get over this.  Yep, but it wouldn’t be true…and you know how I have to keep things real.

The important thing isn’t so much how long it took before I took a very deep breath and said “No” and discovered, like Chicken Little, that the sky didn’t fall after all ~ the important thing is that I did it.

I discovered that our ability to walk away is a powerful tool. It’s empowering to know that there’s almost nothing you can’t say no to.  Or put another way, there’s nothing where you can’t choose to say yes to something else.

It isn’t about being against something…which just creates a negative vibration within us…it’s really about saying yes.  Yes to who you are and honouring that.

[success] You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection. Buddha[/success]

My Darling One negotiates for a living and I’ve learned from him that those who are willing to walk away from the negotiation —genuinely being willing to say, no thanks, not just pretending — are in the strongest position. Being convinced you need to make a deal puts you at a disadvantage.  Your happiness and success suddenly exist outside of you.

Being willing to walk away when making a huge purchase like a home and not being emotionally attached to the outcome, or asking that you be treated with respect at work, or school, or in a relationship all come down to the same thing.  Be willing to say no thanks.  Be willing to walk away.  Be willing to say yes to something else.

If you convince yourself you have to have something…be it anything, big or small from your daily latte to a new car you’ll be willing to give up precious time and money to get it…and more precious you might even be willing to give up a part of yourself.

Someone who knows that those things aren’t absolutely necessary can just say no thanks, not today.

Maybe they’ll say yes tomorrow, but for today they’re saying yes to something else.

Whatever you’re convinced you need, makes it essential to your happiness.  It isn’t.  Even if you do feel happy about acquiring something, it’s fleeting.  Deep down, we all know that.

Being willing and able to say “No” to the relationship where you’re not valued and respected, but you stuck with it because…well you love them…and you know they’ll change one day and that deep down they really love you…is a way of saying “Yes” to your value, to your self worth, saying yes to you.

Saying “No” is a powerful tool, because once you know that there’s almost nothing you can’t walk away from, you’ll save yourself beaucoup headaches, heartaches and money and you’ll be placing a value on yourself that’s priceless.  Believe me, when I say I’m speaking from experience.

Being able to say “No” doesn’t mean you have to…it just means you can…when you want to.  And now your power and happiness are back in your hands, not out there.  It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn, but boy am I glad I did.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle.


*Well worth a read

*Sharing and Caring About the End Results 


Thomas Leth-Olsen



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. OK, I got a double-whammy message from you and Melody today. I’ve been wondering why my powers of manifestation have been completely useless in a couple areas of my life. Now I know, thank you very much!

    It took reading and really letting these two posts sink in to realize that I’ve been coming from a low-energy, needy vibration which will take me nowhere. As of right now, that’s gone and replaced with feeling great and empowered just because I am.

    Thanks so much Elle!!
    Big, Big Hugs!!

    • Elle

      How wonderful Paige… I totally see you as empowered…everywhere in your life. You are a most beautiful daughter of the cosmos, how could you be anything less than full of power. And thanks for the big hugs…your hugs are so great. 🙂

  2. Hi Elle,

    Saying No can take awhile for some, like myself to learn. But once we do, we realize the power is there and we can use that power when we need to. It’s all about respecting ourselves enough to know when we need to set boundaries. Thanks so much for an inspiring post!

    • Elle

      Great point Cathy ~ it is about boundaries. Thanks for sharing your wisdom.

  3. Joseph Appaloosa

    This article dovetails nicely with your previous one.
    The connection being our re-awakening to The Truth, that we are “priceless”, that we are not ruled by the past, that we are joined as one in unconditional Love and universal consciousness.
    I am so grateful that a partner recommended your web-blog to me.
    Thank you.
    Write on, Elle !

    • Elle

      And I’m grateful that a partner recommended it too, because you bring great joy and clarity to the conversation. This blog isn’t about me ~ it’s about and for all of us. 🙂

  4. This is a wonderful post. I especially liked this, “Being willing and able to say “No” to the relationship where you’re not valued and respected, but you stuck with it because…well you love them…and you know they’ll change one day and that deep down they really love you…is a way of saying “Yes” to your value, to your self worth, saying yes to you,” — just what I needed to read, today!

    • Elle

      Welcome to the conversation Lisa and I’m so glad you enjoyed remembering how amazing you are. 🙂

  5. Ah, setting limits. I am pretty sure this is a message for me. I have read three posts today about the power of NO. 😀 I love how you presented this! Tomorrow is time for some action, only because it is past midnight today and am off to sleep. Great post to take with me! Love, Vidya

  6. When I practiced law I was a transactions (contracts) lawyer. I negotiated a lot of contracts. One of the most powerful lessons I learned was when I tagged along on a negotiation for a multi-million dollar deal. I was really there to learn and take care of the more mundane aspects of due diligence, so I was taking it all in. After a week of negotiating, the deal was almost done. But on that last morning, we learned something that made the deal more risky. After a very brief consultation, the head lawyers decided not to proceed. We walked into the plush conference room, closed our briefcases, said thanks but no thanks, and walked out. I was floored. The momentum and the closeness to the end would have propelled me forward, but the people with really experience and wisdom knew when to say no and walk away.

    Great post.

    • Elle

      Wow Galen. Thanks for sharing this. It’s so true…regardless of time and effort…we need to know that being happy, successful, contented, loved…whatever it is, all comes from within us. Now that’s a pretty liberating idea that allows us to choose our yes or no so much more easily.

  7. Elle….What you wrote is a great reminder to me. I work at distinguishing saying ‘no’ and my fear preventing from saying ‘yes’ all the time.

    I studied improv and taught it for years. One of the first things a good teacher passes on is that status is involved in all relationships. When you can walk away from something and don’t need it….how right your husband is…..that is a position of strength. And in life, you can feel strength or fear in a person….especially in business.

    You have given some terrific advice. Have the ‘no’ muscle in your repertoire and use it when you choose.

    As always, a pithy article…thanks. Fran

    • Elle

      It took me quite a while to get this Fran. Wish I’d been in your improv class!

  8. Like you, the inability to say no has been a tough childhood habit to overcome. I am very good at it in some areas and with some people, but need to make it more a natural part of who I am, and not need upset or anger to help it along. Life this past year has been very trying and I had to wonder why. I concluded that the universe was trying to force me to deal with, say no to and put a stop to certain issues and behaviors in my life. The negative repetition was simply opportunity to resolve things once and for all. Each time I didn’t, I was given another unwanted opportunity to “practice” the right response- again. All a part of the progress of living.

    • Elle

      Hello Lee, thanks for joining in the conversation, it’s lovely to have you. Take it from a challenged ‘no-er’, it’s amazing how quickly it becomes a part of who we are with a little practice. 🙂

  9. Well, you already know how I feel about saying no. I’m all for it and I think it is so important that it really is saying yes to something else.

    • Elle

      Thanks for dropping by Unknown Mami – you and I are definitely on the same page with this one. 🙂

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