Looking back on life, it’s pretty plain that I’ve been a serial controller. Can anyone relate, or am I here on my lonesome? Hello…anyone there? Have you ever tried to control life, just a little…never?
I didn’t only want to control my life, I needed to rescue other people from what I absolutely, one hundred percent knew were choices from hell. Amazingly enough, that wasn’t always how they saw it at all. Weird, I know.
Intellectually, I knew I wasn’t able to control everything in life, but my role was to ‘make it better’. And of course I was the determiner of what was better. Holy moly, I blush to even admit this.
As a kid I would ‘rescue’ small animals, that were probably wandering around minding their own business, until I showed up…rescuer extraordinaire…that was me.
As a teenager I ‘rescued’ my friends, who were unwitting accomplices and enablers in my rescuing. As I ‘matured’ my rescuing was of friends from ‘unhealthy’ relationships, or career difficulties. Not waiting until I was asked, I’d jump in, oftentimes with both feet. Dear Abbey had nothing on me.
And naturally enough, our thoughts being magnetic, I was producing more and more things that required my ‘rescuing’ touch. It was exhausting. I wasn’t filled with the energy of much that was helpful. I’d allowed limiting thoughts to take root, all the while truly, genuinely believing I was doing good. Heck I’d encouraged limiting thoughts. Oh my Achy Breaky Heart.
Because I had the belief it was a good thing, it became even more confusing. I was working with two conflicting beliefs…one that I needed to be a rescuer and two I was making things better. Whatever was the stronger belief at the time was the one that showed up. Mostly, ‘rescuees’ passed my way. I bet you knew one that was coming.
The sad truth was every time I ‘rescued’ someone I took their power away. Every time someone let me ‘rescue’ them, they gave their power away. We were like the Tweedledum and Tweedledee of fixers.
It wasn’t until I began to really study how the laws of consciousness operated and began to put them into practice that I had the ‘lightbulb’ moment that we all love. It became so clear that ‘rescuing’ was all about me and had very little, if anything to do with who or what was being rescued, although, hand on heart I can say in all honesty I truly thought I was being kind and loving. It was sort of mortifying and yet liberating at the same time.
Funny how lightbulb moments shine a light on something that was so blindingly obvious all the time that we find ourselves gazing in astonishment at the wonder of it. How couldn’t I see this? Because it wasn’t in my awareness, in my consciousness. I was operating in the dark, until, the light filled aha moment.
And then it became all too clear that it wasn’t up to me at all.
- My job wasn’t to fix things, or ‘rescue’ but just to use my imagination to redefine my perspective of who everyone truly is.
- My job wasn’t to ‘rescue’ anyone or anything, it was to remember that within us all is an amazing centre of power.
- My job was to ‘see’ that our consciousness was the cause of everything expressed in our world and what was created by consciousness could only be changed by consciousness and best of all I didn’t need to concern myself with the ‘how’ of the manifestation.
There was only one Master of the Universe and it wasn’t little old me. What a relief.
Encourage one another.
Love Elle.
xoxo
Photo credits:
Elle,
Thanks for the great post — I can’t say I am guilty of being a rescuer, at least not a majority of the time. However, I can say that I have become more aware of my desire to control things. It’s hard for me to realize that others have the same ability to make decisions and that others could control situations too (if I would just be a bit more patient until others make a decision). Being decisive has its definite upside, but usually the considerable downside rears its ugly head when I am with the people I love the most.
I am still working on it, but your article brought my attention to the matter in much sharper focus, so now I can continue to monitor and be mindful of my desire to be controlling.
Thank you! 🙂
What beautiful timing, Elle…thanks for this. I too have been a fixer for most of my life, and this has been on my mind lately. Imam realizing, slowly, that it is a dead end. I’ve thought about posting something on it, and now voila…you’ve done it.
Jonathan
There are so many signs that we’re all one Jonathan that sometimes it’s astonishing that we all don’t ‘get’ it more often. As one recovering ‘fixer’ to another, welcome to the club. 🙂
And it goes the other way too, not to take it personally if someone is trying to tell you what you should do.
It’s all our consciousness Jaclyn, the rescuer and rescuee are just opposite sides of the same coin. I think once we truly begin to get that everything is simply our magnetism, so to speak, there’s no need to give or take offense. Well said and thank you for joining in the conversation with such an insightful comment.
I laughed so hard at your first two paragraphs! You know, I have often thought that wanting to control, though not desirable, is usually accompanied by good intentions 🙂 Reminds me of a funny memory. When I was in grade 1, we had exams. And I was one of those rather quick writers. The moment I finished my paper, I started writing the others’. The teacher wondered why I shifted benches every few minutes and then came over to check and found what I was doing. My Mom was a teacher in the same school – and she went and told her. I think she tried to explain to me (I was 6 years old) that I should only write my own paper. Crazy eh?
It is a good thing I grew up knowing that we should give people their space and not deprive them of their learning, etc. 😀 I love how you put the point across. Taking someone’s power away – perfect.
Hugs, Elle.
Ahh Vidya, you and I have so much in common…we’ve definitely occupied the same states of consciousness throughout our lifetimes. How cool is that? 🙂
That shift from being responsible for the whole world to just being responsible for your own self is the very definition of transformational. Congratulations from one former “master-fixer” to another. And thank you for another funny and beautifully written article.
Write on, Elle !
Funny thing Joseph it’s by paying attention to our own states and raising them as high as possible that we are able to support and encourage others to do the same. Phew. Now that’s a much easier job wouldn’t you say? 🙂
I love the way you write Elle!! I can just imagine your voice!
Yes, I have had MOTUS (master of the universe syndrome). I became a Zen Mama because before that I knew what was best for my boys! I do think that woman, esp. mothers, are caretakers, and therefore in their care of another want to “help” them. Sometimes that help isn’t what the person wants or needs. So I have let go of that as my kids have gotten older. I have even learned to let them fail if that’s what they need to do. Sigh! It’s sometimes hard to let go.
Wonderful post.
PS When I shared this on facebook I couldn’t tag you for some reason. But I did share this today.
It’s interesting that recognizing your own power, it sounds like, led you to let go of the perception of others as powerless. For me, it’s a similar dynamic — recognizing how loving I actually am has helped me to let go of the perception of others as unloving. Funny how human nature works.
Hey Chris, you are so right…the power of change lies in awareness. We never get what we want, only what we are. As the loving human being you recognize yourself as being, you see that reflection in your world. Once we ‘get’ that it begins and ends with us we’re off on an even greater adventure of life. Great job you! 🙂
hahha
i guess i have that one too
ill try to take it easy a little more
thank you 🙂
Welcome to the club fellow traveller. 🙂