Updated January 2023

Do you know why you’re not living the life of your dreams?

Are you stuck in a life that doesn’t feel like your own? You may be surprised to learn that the obstacles keeping you from living out your dream life could be within yourself.

The truth of it is that getting to that dream life isn’t something you have to chase after it’s something that arrives because you become the person who lives it. I know it sounds backward, but bear with me.

Every desire, and every goal you have stemmed from the desire to be happy. No argument there. Right?

Life’s happiness and richness don’t always come from achieving a goal. In the process of fulfilling your goals or desires of having your dream life, you evolve your being, becoming the amazing, brilliant, wonderful person you were intended to be.

And that’s what I mean by a dream life arriving without you needing to chase after it.

Life can be magical with a little training

Part of life’s magic is the belief that your dreams can come true. And once you understand that it takes the same amount of energy to have a miserable day as to have one filled with joy and excitement, you can train yourself to use your energy to enjoy a daily dose of happiness.

In the end, it’s simply accepting which one is more likely to lead to fulfilling your dreams.

Our challenge is that we’re good at focusing on our shortcomings. We practice it almost daily. And too many of us live by chance, not by choice.  Don’t do this to yourself.

You can choose the thoughts you think, the beliefs you hold, the assumptions you make, and the things you accept as true. These are the stuff dreams are made of.

The difference between those living more of their dreams than the rest of us is their ability to direct their thoughts to use the power of their focus.

Know that you, and only you, get to say how you’ll spend the rest of your life. And if you’re tired of watching your dreams slip away, remember that they only die because they are starved of the nourishment they need to flourish. And that nourishment is focus and attention.

You can live a rich, happy, fulfilling life when you commit to breathing life into those dreams of yours.

It’s time to put your foot down and check out some of the reasons holding you back. So let’s get started on exploring some of the common reasons people find themselves stuck and hopefully this will help you break free and get closer to achieving your dreams.

1. You don’t ask quality questions

When I was 15 I used to ask myself ‘is this all there is’? It’s a terrible question, and It took years and then more years to discover that there was much more to life than I’d been capable of seeing.

Learn to ask better questions if you’re ready to live the life of your dreams.

Questions like:

Am I living like I mean it?

What is the one thing I’d most like to change about my life?

How can I gain more control over life?

What one thing could I do today that would make a difference tomorrow?

Am I proud of the life I’m living?

What’s stopping me?

Do I fall asleep every night with a sense of satisfaction?

2. It’s essential to raise your standards

Decide what you’ll no longer tolerate in your life. And raise your standards. This is a great way to move toward the life of your dreams.

Write down what’s no longer acceptable for you to do, and then add all the things you want to do and the person you’re choosing to become. And then begin to change yourself, one belief at a time.

Pick a belief, any belief that you can see is probably holding you back and begin to affirm the complete opposite. We can’t live in two opposing states of mind simultaneously, so make your self-talk confirm who you’ve decided to be right now.

Don’t minimize yourself. You are one with the divine, which makes it a lot more possible for you than you have so far experienced.

Don’t be afraid to turn off the tv, read more, meditate or contemplate more. You’ll increase the quality of your life by holding yourself to higher standards and adopting and practicing new empowering beliefs.

You can’t turn back the clock, but you can begin anew. The journey to your dreams requires that you look back on the experiences of life and be willing to ditch everything that didn’t work well. Your past contains the wisdom for your future.

Don’t wait; life is here now; take a risk and live it at a higher level.

3. You never change your mind

To change your life, you have to change your mind. Remember, your mind is a powerful, magnetic thing. When you fill it with thoughts that feel good, your life will change.

It might be hard, but not nearly as dangerous as sticking with the attitudes of mind that got you in this fix in the first place. Be brave. Be willing to explore the darkness, and you’ll discover the incredible power of your inner light.

If you can imagine it, you can live it.

Remember, within you is a dream that you were meant to live, that only you can live because in this vast world, you are amazingly, awesomely unique.

4. Decide what’s really important in your life

If your life is cluttered. If you can’t distinguish between the important and urgent, your life becomes unmanageable and overwhelming.

Don’t get blinded by the needless distractions of today; keep your eye on the endgame. You’re more likely to give up on your dreams if you maintain a short-term focus. Believe in yourself. Believe anything is possible.  Believe and trust your intuition and follow your dream.

Success or failure depends on those little choices you make every day. Commit to long-term results by knowing what you want, seeing the vision every day, and giving up the short-term quick fix.

Stand guard at the gate of your mind, and don’t let anything enter unless it’s helpful, supportive, encouraging, inspiring or uplifting.

5. Your attention isn’t on the best

If you knew and believed that your thoughts were creating your future, would you change any of them?

Your thoughts radiate outward like a beacon, attracting the events and experiences of tomorrow. Whatever you’re telling yourself today will energize or discourage you.

Instead of thinking of everything that could go wrong, put your attention on what could go right. Neither has happened yet; why use your precious energy to create something you’ll be sorry for down the road?

Find ways to open your heart to new and bigger ideas.

Challenge your current view of life. Don’t mistake the good for excellent. It takes courage, but you are endowed with everything you need to change your life, and your world…one thought, one belief at a time.

6. Excuses are easier than accepting your power

We make an error in judgment and then we go through life trying to excuse ourselves for it rather than accepting that we made a mistake.

We blame somebody else; we blame circumstances instead of saying:

“I am the only one that has any power in the processes of my mind, and what I have thought has brought me where I am this very minute. I am responsible for my thoughts, and I can change my life by changing my thinking.”

Great outcomes result from doing more than your excuses allow, risking more than you’ve dared to risk, and dreaming more than others think is good for you.

How can you get what you want when you’re focused on all the excuses for not having it? Eliminate your excuses, and you’ll have to live with being unbelievably awesome.

Ultimately life isn’t about what you can do; it’s what you WILL do. Before your dreams can come true, you have to dream them.

Final thoughts on living the life of your dreams

Take a step back and look at the big picture of what living your dream life looks like.

Are you in the job you always dreamed of?

Do you have financial freedom?

What kind of lifestyle have you created for yourself and those close to you?

Then once you can see the path forward, compare where you are now to where you ultimately want to be because identifying the gap between them can help shed light on why you haven’t achieved your goals yet.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. This is always a big question in my life, Elle. Am I really living out my full potential and not frittering my time away. I’m tracking my time this week to see precisely what I’m doing. Then I can adjust, reorganize, or eliminate if it’s too cluttered.

    Absolutely loved this: “And once you understand that it takes the same amount of energy to have a miserable day as to have one filled with joy and excitement you can train yourself to use your energy to enjoy a daily dose of happiness.”

    • ElleSommer

      I’m a member of that club Sandra, although sad to say, I still manage to fritter or faff as I call it…but I catch myself more quickly, thankfully. I like the idea of tracking your time…I’m going to put that into practice myself this week. I bet it’s an illuminating exercise. And a great thing for us all to try out. 🙂

  2. Reading this post made me realize a couple of things, particularly the part of asking questions because I don’t ask questions that much. I make life happen in front of me without asking why or how.

    Thanks for this article, I learned so much from it!

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Neol – lovely to have you join our community. I do believe we’re always works in progress and don’t practice ALL the techniques that provide us with rich happy lives. How cool that you make life happen in front of you…and I certainly agree there’s no need to ask how or why something happens…we already know the answer to that one. It’s us! I’m really interested in hearing more from you? Would you share the ways you manage to make your life happen…I know that would be so helpful to many. 🙂

      • Hi Elle,

        Part of the things I’m trying to change with myself is my lack of acknowledgement for the things that are happening to me. Sometimes it is necessary to ask why something happens to us but I seldom care enough to even bother asking why which I think may be a problem for me. I just take everything that comes as is without analyzing or questioning. We have to live life on our own terms and be firm on the things we like and don’t like because if we don’t, I don’t see how we can live life to the fullest.

        Thanks once again for the insight!

        • ElleSommer

          It’s certainly true Noel that we live life on our own terms. If it’s working out great then they’re pretty good terms. If not then a little, or a lot of tweaking might be necessary. Personally as I grow I find myself consistently tweaking the terms I’m choosing to live life. It’s wonderful that its such a great adventure and we’re all unique in our journey. Thank you for sharing your perspective and insights…well worth reading. 🙂

  3. Hi Elle,
    I am intrigued by the way you can easily stitch & sew such powerful thoughts into these glorious posts.
    I am positively hooked.
    Thanks for such provoking insights Elle.
    And i appreciate your idea about asking valuable questions,because I personally believe that questions are indeed the flashlights to discovery and growth in life.
    But they also make us look naive and vulnerable. And so it requires some humility to wield
    them openly!
    Anyway here are some valuable questions that i’d like to share:-

    1.What have I learnt new today that helps me grow into the vision of what/who I want to be,mentally,emotionally,physically,materially,socially,spiritually?

    2.When will I grow into the vision of what or who I want to be?Do I have a plan in place for transforming myself into what I want to be,if I’m already not there yet?

    3.Why is growth important to me?What do I intend to accomplish through my growth and learning?In what ways would I become better through my growth?What do I lose out if I do not develop myself and enhance my potential?Have I considered that?

    4. Which is the quickest way to grow?What is the fastest way to learn something of value?


    • ElleSommer

      Hi Mona, as always dear One, you provide us with greater insights and perspectives. Would love to hear some of your answers to your questions, if you’d be willing to share. 🙂

  4. Raising your standards is so important. If we are expecting the worst then we will tend to get that. Most things aren’t necessarily bad or good, it is just how you frame it. Do you choose to see the positive or the negative of a situation?

    You are right that deciding what is important is crucial to following your dreams. You can’t do everything or be everything to everyone. You have to make decisions about what you want to do. We do not have an infinite amount of time in our lives.

    Thanks for the reminders. It has helped me get more focused again on following my dreams.

    • ElleSommer

      Wow, great points Sebastian. I realized today that 2015 is just around the corner and regardless of anything I might do, it’s still going to show up so I choose to be able to look back on 2014 and enjoy the growth I made. And for that to happen I need to keep my eye on my dreams and make sure I’m on the path to get there! 🙂

  5. I dream of being a young adult author. I think about it constantly…wait. As aware as I am of the power of my thoughts, I know I allow thoughts of what I don’t want or fear of not being good enough to creep in and continue to create the same circumstances of not moving forward. I am working on it, and this post was full of great tips on how to do so. Thanks!

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Annie and welcome to the conversation. That’s a pretty cool desire and if it’s any consolation, I don’t know anyone, yet, who can focus their thoughts and feelings entirely on what they want without some distracting and less than helpful ideas popping up. Don’t let it bother you. Just keep on with your vision in view and, in my experience, it’s surprising how quickly things can happen. If for someone else, why not for you too? 🙂

  6. Love this post Elle. If we feel discontent because we aren’t living our dreams, we usually don’t have to look very far to realize that with a few tweaks here and there, life could be much more fulfilling. I like this line, “To change your life you have to change your mind.” Life is constantly changing and to move forward, we must change our thoughts. Always so much encouragement here!

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Cathy, I always appreciate you stopping by. Funny, I was reading a post from someone today who totally dismisses the idea that we are the makers of our life through our thoughts, beliefs and feelings…yet that’s precisely how it works for me and you too and so many others also. I sometimes wonder if people want to think a new and more supportive thought once and get the big changes they desire, forgetting that they’ve been repeating their current thoughts for yay many years. To each his own. 🙂

  7. Elle,
    Yesterday I couldn’t work in joy so I took the morning off. Today I woke up so full of joy that I went on a 3 hour hike in the mountains with Hubs. I’d say I’m enjoying the journey;))) x

    • ElleSommer

      Great idea Tess. Maybe part of living joyfully for you is absolutely taking the time off to breathe and relax. Amazing what a little tlc can do. 🙂

  8. I’m a 48 year old Man, married for 28 years with two beautiful children whom I am very proud of, but it’s easy to admit that I’ve given up a lot to provide for my family. Burned out and unhappy with my lack of passion is an understatement. I really enjoyed this article. It seems like Elle wrote it directly to me. What an outlook on life!

    • Hi Joel, I’m happy that you enjoyed the article…I have definitely discovered change your outlook on life and life changes with you.

  9. I think all of these are good, but I think the advice to guide your attention is most important. We create our lives with where we place our attention. Making a conscious choice here can be transformative, as you say.

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