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At fourteen I looked around at life and asked myself is this it? I pondered this question for a few days, well a couple of hours, okay, okay maybe half an hour, and then I moved on. Hey I was fourteen, I had things of great import to focus on. Does it mean Evan likes me when he throws my school beret into a tree? I’ve got to have those shoes…just got to. My Dad has to let me go and see that band…or I’ll die. As I said, things of great import.
I revisited the question when I was fifteen, then sixteen and seventeen. Is this really all there is? I didn’t dare ask anyone, what if they said yes…it would be too depressing. It seemed as though this was all there was, but I didn’t need to have it confirmed, thank you very much. And so I did what was easiest…I forgot about it.
Even when my beloved grandma passed away I didn’t resurrect the question. It was tucked away somewhere, marked “unanswerable”.
And a couple of years later when my dad died, the question still remained locked away.
It wasn’t until the loss of my husband that it was pried lose, not reappearing with a blinding flash or a crash bang but with a plaintive whisper. Is this really all there is?
And it was then that I began to seek, I began to study, I began to wake up. I began to discover there is so much more in life than our five senses would lead us to believe. As the bard himself put it “There are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, Than are dreamed of in your philosophy.”
My grandma and mum had been telling me since I was a girl that there was so much more to life than what we could see with our eyes, or hold in our hand…but I didn’t have the ears to hear. They had been telling me that life would always dance in harmony with me, and that a rich, radiant worthwhile life was built around my highest ideals; that there is a power within in us all that can deliberately manifest circumstances.
Today, I know that as I purposefully direct my attention to the outcome I desire I become a conscious maker of my experience, and I recognize I have a new question. What else don’t I yet know? I like this question much better, and when I get an answer, I’ll definitely share it.
In the meantime, encourage each other.