take-control-of-lifeNo doubt you know them.

Those who seem to glide through life balancing homes and families, horrendous work hours, fitting in the gym, tai chi and meditation all the while walking on a high wire hundreds of feet above the ground.

Or so it seems from a distance and meanwhile your eyes glaze over at everything on your plate, your jaw dropping open at the mountain of things that need your attention.

And all you want to do is cry, or have a stiff drink, or dive into the doughnut shop and forget it all.

So what do these incredible people have that you don’t?

They’ve learned to control the things they can in life and let the rest go. And it all begins with these steps.

1. Belief

When you believe you are in control of events; when you no longer allow events to be in control, you step into a place of empowerment. Nothing can overcome you without your permission.

You can control the way you think about things. You can control your attitude. You can choose to respond and not react. You can limit your bad habits.

Whatever you choose to believe, life will turn that belief into a fact. And you’ll discover more about who you really are, making life and success easier. Use that mindset. Affirm your belief. It’s the key that unlocks your power  to keep control of your life.

2. Creating habits

The more you can create a useful habit the less you have to worry or think about.

Create a pre-paving habit, for actions that lead to making life less stressful. Choose ahead of time how you plan on responding to unexpected crises. Falling back on outworn reactions is not an option.

Create a habit of finishing. Determine that you won’t start on the next project until you’ve completed this one.  Your life is created by the habits you have and it will never change if you don’t change something you do every day. And it might not be easy. It can be painful to let go of things that used to work.

But changing your daily routine, giving up the old to create the new, is how you begin to get more control of your life.

3. Energy renewal

Our world today celebrates doing and ignores renewing.

To keep you in control of your life, you need both.

Your most important resource is the energy you bring to life. Yet every day we deplete our energy resources through worry, fear, unhappiness and stress.  There has to be a different way.

Watch how and what you eat, it’s affecting your energy. Renewing or depleting it.

Not getting enough sleep can leave you feeling sluggish, even if you’re a ‘morning person’. Negative thinking…feelings of guilt or self-pity all leak away your energy resources.

Increase your life force energy by including fun and joy in your day. Make sure you laugh a lot. It’s an energy boosting practice. Nourish your body, mind and spirit through this sitting meditation, from The Chopra Center or try this beginners Qi Gong. Or just plain step back and do something that raises your energy levels. You know how that feels!

4. Putting down the burdens

You might have a heavy burden to carry at the end of the day. Put it down when the day is done. You can pick it up tomorrow if you must. But after a good night’s sleep you might have come up with a solution to any problem that’s weighing on you.

And don’t accept the burdens that others want you to carry for them. Whenever you hear the code words ‘I’d like to clear the air’ or ‘get things out in the open’  there’s a good chance someone wants to hand the burden of their own negative energy to you.

Their mission is not one of support. Be kind, but don’t allow yourself to be used. Consistently carrying burdens be they yours or those of someone else will not only wear you out, but you’ll never be able to fly.

5. Embracing discomfort

I needed to practice this myself over the past couple of weeks.  Events I didn’t care for, people behaving like…well people…coming from fear and their own stressors managed to show up in droves.

I can’t lie. It wasn’t comfortable, but instead of pushing back, instead of trying to squish my feelings, I left it all alone. I let it play out. I didn’t interfere or meddle in the middle. And as if by magic…it all turned out better than before. Lesson learned.

One of the most liberating things in life is when we come to appreciate discomfort as a gift. The gift of our growth and expansion. So stop thinking how hard it is to do things differently, because once you step into it you’ll discover the rewards are greater than the discomfort.

6. Being open

Keep your mind open…give yourself room for something new. Nothing will change if you keep operating from the same mindset.

Mindset switches aren’t easy…but once you begin to see life with a fresh pair of eyes, you’ll discover amazing things and people that were there all the time, but you didn’t have the mindset to notice, nor eyes to see.  As within so without, holds true in every aspect of living.  Having the right mindset can be amazingly powerful.

Final words

Honestly, you have so much that you can control in life, that focusing on all the things you can’t doesn’t make any sense.

Don’t burn yourself out trying to control the uncontrollable. Select those things you can control and fill your life force bucket as often as possible.  And most important of all choose your mindset which determines pretty much everything else.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Hi Elle – habits can be challenging to create but I’ve found them to have the greatest impact in my life in getting things done and getting control back of my life. With habits, I prioritize those things that matter to me and do the rest of my life around them. Positive habits have been the key ingredient to help me get control of my life and pursue my dreams. Thank you for this tip and the other mindset changes.

    • ElleSommer

      What a great comment Vishnu…it’s always good to hear someone able to create new habits that support them in their life…reminds the rest of us it can be done! Thank you for this. 🙂

  2. This is such a crucial point, Elle: “They’ve learned to control the things they can in life and let the rest go. And it all begins with these steps.” I loved all the support steps too, especially the first three.

    • ElleSommer

      Glad you enjoyed it Sandra…funny how often we’re so focused on all the things outside of our control…instead of making a difference by looking at all the things we do have control of. And it they happen to be the most important ones. 🙂

  3. Creating habits and being open for me go along way to being in charge of you, When you are in charge of you, you life is more abundant and the positive energy flows, As Tony Robbins says, how quickly can we change- in a heartbeat, great post Elle xxoo

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Suzie…that creating new habits seems such a challenge,but often it’s just a question of beginning. Of taking one step towards doing something different. I like what Toby Robbins has to say…makes a lot of sense to me. 🙂

  4. Love these ideas, Elle! Putting down the burdens is a helpful suggestion, as I know I feel so much better when I can let go at the end of the day. It’s better for your health and overall well being. For me, understanding what I can and cannot control is key to a happier life.

    • ElleSommer

      So true Cathy…giving up wanting to control the uncontrollable allows us space to breathe. 🙂

  5. Ahh lovely Elle, and after three days trying to sell/throw out/give away my ‘old’ life of everything that usually goes in a 2 bed apartment, I’m just trying out #3 as I’m exhausted! with love x

    • ElleSommer

      What a monumental task Ellen. Definitely sounds like a little self care is warranted. 🙂

  6. Joseph Appaloosa

    Another great one, Elle !
    “Discomfort as a gift” , what I’ve been doing as of late is to switch feelings of nervousness and discomfort into feelings of excitement and anticipation. My thought was – well, I’m waiting for an outcome anyway, so I may as well choose how I feel about the outcome even without knowing precisely what that outcome may be. If I await it with excitement and anticipation I am assuming it has to be something beneficial for me.
    Thanks again and Write On, Elle !

    • ElleSommer

      Vey nice Joseph…what a great idea…I’m sure we could all benefit from trying this. I so appreciate your input. 🙂

  7. Hi Elle,

    These are some excellent tips and thank you for sharing. The power of habit is very strong and it can be broken with conscious decisions and determination. Gaining control of your life is not easy because we are not alone in this world, we always have people around us. Keep it p with the excellent work!


    • ElleSommer

      Hello Psychic Nest…thank you for your wise words. 🙂

  8. I found this really inspiring Elle, partly because you’ve explained your strategies so clearly but also because you’ve identified two particularly that I will start implementing straight away: focus on renewing my energy and also be much more aware of when something is weighing me down – I’ll be sure to get to the bottom of it and take tangible steps to tackle it as far as I can.
    It’s always a treat to read your wise words, thank you.

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Laura…I’m glad this article was useful to you. It’s those little things that get in our way…I know from experience! 🙂

  9. Hi, you’ve done it again, loved your post Elle, it has always been my morning routine to read your post and i find it really very helpful. I totally agree that we should stop thinking how hard it is to do things differently, because once you step into it you’ll discover the rewards are greater than the discomfort, this is very timely, I should practice this more often. Thanks for sharing a beautiful article. Great Read.

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Noah…good to hear from you again…it still amazes me after all the years of practice I’ve had at focusing my attention on where I want it to go that I can still be caught out with the occasional thought of nah…that’s not for me. One day, my friend, one day…that thought will just stop popping up. 🙂

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