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At fourteen I looked around at life and asked myself is this it?  I pondered this question for a few days, well a couple of hours, okay, okay maybe half an hour, and then I moved on.   Hey I was fourteen, I had things of great import to focus on.  Does it mean Evan likes me when he throws my school beret into a tree?  I’ve got to have those shoes…just got to.  My Dad has to let me go and see that band…or I’ll die.  As I said, things of great import. I revisited the question when I was fifteen, then sixteen and seventeen.  Is this really all there is?  I didn’t dare ask anyone, what if they said yes…it would be too depressing.  It seemed as though this was all there was, but I didn’t need to have it confirmed, thank you very much.  And so I did…

What do I want?  Forget about what you have right now, or what’s happening, or what awful something is about to happen, or what might happen, or what if x y or z happens.  Forget it all.  The only thing to pay any attention to is what do I want.  At least that’s what grandma used to tell me when I was whining, or complaining or unhappy or upset. And by golly she was right. When you know the answer…and believe me when I say…it’s not always obvious.  Then focus, focus, focus on what you want and only what you want.  Yay!  Getting to focus on good things, on lovely things, on wonderful things is great.  Right?  Hmm, but those old thoughts keep popping up…okay so old habits can sometimes die hard. No matter, so what if old, miserable, rotten thoughts keep coming back.  Hey, if I can keep sending…

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