[success]It’s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it’s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power. ~ Robert Kiyosaki[/success]

Life is challenging. We have relationship issues, health issues, money issues, success issues, and sometimes spiritual issues and then we turn to the newest self-help book and begin to follow the latest seven steps to happiness.

But, they’re completely useless and time wasting when there’s an unmovable obstacle in the way of all these self help miracles.

There’s a single, yet important trait required for you to be living your dreams.

Take stock of where you are, who you’re being and how life is working. And understand that each time you criticize yourself, each time you doubt your value, each time you deny your worthiness is time thrown away. Your time is precious and limited, don’t waste it on unproductive habits.

You are the one who’s going to live the rest of your life with you. Do you really want to live it with someone who permanently knocks you down and makes you feel bad?

One great advantage you can give yourself in life is loving yourself. Self-love is a powerful manifesting technique. Remember you weren’t meant to live a mediocre life. You are designed for greatness.

If you keep bumping up against a reality that doesn’t work for you then it’s time to..

1. Stop asking the wrong questions

We’re always looking about our world and asking, what’s to be done? Looking at our relationships and asking what will happen?  When we should be asking who am I?  What’s my concept of myself?

If we wish to experience the world as a more lovely and greater place, we must affirm the reality of a more lovely, greater being within.

2. Recognize your power

powerEvery day you are involved in a miracle called life.

Reawaken your inner truth and wisdom.

Learn to trust your inner guidance, heighten your mindfulness and honour your emotions. By simply trusting in the natural order of things and by trusting in something greater than yourself you can begin to let go and live in a place of real love, gratitude and joy.

Start to become more aware of the miracles all around you and circumstances in your life will begin to blossom in what seems like magical and mysterious ways.

3. Embrace life

Send your inner critic out to lunch, or better still give it the day off.

You can’t be open to all that life has to offer while you have a voice in your head telling you how useless you are. To align yourself with all the goodness in life requires love.

Loving yourself a little more creates room for passion and excitement and joy and acceptance and gives your creative capabilities room to flow.

Love yourself and all your seeming imperfections and surrender your fear to the open hearted embrace of life.

One simple choice can turn your life around. And making the choice to change can be scary, but what’s even more scary is waiting till you’re down on your knees, looking back at life with deep regret.

4. Give up fixing and focus on living your dreams

Loving yourself unconditionally means you need to have some new ideas from which to think since all our thoughts flow from the ideas we hold.

Take your attention away from the things about you that ‘aren’t right’ or need fixing or improving.

Don’t wait to approve of yourself until you hit that goal, or finish that task. Don’t judge yourself by your past, it doesn’t exist any more, it’s over, gone.

Focus on the things about you that are great.

Can you say to yourself, I’m wonderful? If not, try again. And then again, as often as necessary, until you can feel the wonder of who you are.

Stop letting others tell you who you should be or how you should act. Choose to be your magnificent self and love you for your bravery in allowing your uniqueness to shine through.

You, just as you are right now, are the gift you bring to the world. Don’t allow others or your inner chatter to diminish this.

Your task is simply to allow the flow.  Feelings of unworthiness and lack of self-love create a resistance that forces the flow of goodness, abundance, joy and peace into a trickle.

Don’t hold yourself apart from an awesome life when all it takes is a little more appreciation of yourself to change your energy signature and place yourself squarely in alignment with living your dreams.

Over to you. What do you do to appreciate yourself and how do you manage those moments when you don’t? In the comments below, share your best tips…you never know the impact it might have on someone’s life.

A huge thank you for stopping by and reading and sharing. You are awesome.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. The self-concept is extremely important. Brian Tracy talks a lot about this and I really believe in it. He says the discovery of it was the greatest breakthrough in his life.

    • Elle

      Hi Jeremy, have fallen a bit behind in responding to comments, I apologise. I totally understand why discovering your self concept could be the greatest breakthrough in life. It’s the determining factor in why we think the way we think, believe the things we believe and act the way we do. I think I need to pay a little more attention to Mr. Brian. 🙂

  2. I love your articles about advice and positive attitude to make. Sometimes we need change our mindset to be success

    • Elle

      Hi Juan, apologies for the delay in replying, I’ve somehow fallen behind here. I’m so happy you’re enjoying the posts and you are spot on when you say a change of mindset will bring a change in our circumstances. 🙂

  3. Hi Elle,

    More often than not we are own worst enemy. That’s incredible the things we say to ourselves at times.

    Of course, personally, my own personal development journey taught me better and I tell myself only good things now, but I wasn’t always like that for sure. Like most of us, I didn’t grow up in a “personal development friend type environment’ and like most people out there, the results of this was an overall negative environment where people criticize themselves and put themselves down.

    People don’t realize how much damage that can do.

    • Elle

      Hi Sylviane – isn’t that the truth, we’re our own worst enemy. Nobody is as mean to us as we are to ourselves, incredible though that is. The good news is that today we have access to so many wonderful teachings and writing that we now have the tools to make the changes necessary to allow us to life a rich and fulfilling life. What was the most life changing idea for you on your journey…at least so far? 🙂

  4. Amazingly true as always Elle. I think the greatest lesson I’ve learnt, or at least be most important thing I keep reminding myself of these days, is that It’s OK.
    Whether the to-do list gets completed, or if something slips, whether time out having coffee with a friend could be better spent more efficiently – I’ve learnt and am continuously learning to silence the inner critic and accept ‘It’s OK’ far more than I used to.
    And I’m reminding myself – every moment is perfect within itself.
    Have a great day Elle!

    • Elle

      Hi Li-ling, how great that you don’t allow your to do list define you. Too often we create situations that end with us feeling less than, or unworthy in some way. Yet when we step back and took another look, we can laugh at the self imposed limitations we have. I’m a big believer in fun as an energy and creativity tool. Having coffee with friends counts as that in my book. 🙂

  5. I had to get my mind out of teenage boy when I read “self love”, but it really is so important.

    • Elle

      You are a hoot Poppy. And self love certainly is at the top of your list. I love the way you have embraced your health and wellbeing as you faced40 with equanimity. Yay you. 🙂

  6. I try to do the things that make me feel good because in doing good, I am reminded that I am good and that those negative thoughts aren’t really me. They’re just thoughts that I can choose to or to not believe. I’ve been working this year on not believing them. 🙂

    • Elle

      I like that Jessica, the reminder that you are good each time you do something good. Awareness is so often missing in our daily lives and once we become aware then we’re free to practice doing and thinking the things that feel good so more good occurs. It’s a wonderful cycle. 🙂

  7. I’m always just trying to get out of the way of my own awesomeness…

    Just kidding. Sort of. I really don’t allow myself to dwell in negativity; it is, it’s done, move on.

    • Elle

      I love that Linda…you are totally awesome. Wish more people would just remind themselves of how awesome they truly are, they’d find live so much more fun and rewarding. 🙂

  8. Elle,
    I love the idea of giving up fixing and focusing on the wonderful instead! Thanks for shift that in my mind. It’s been one of those challenging days and I appreciate the encouragement to let some light in!

    • Elle

      Hi Sandra…some days are like that and it’s funny that we think we need to fix. Even though I’ve seen it happen so many times that by focusing on what’s wonderful whatever I believed needed to be fixed somehow miraculously worked out just fine…there are still days when I forget! 🙂

  9. Elle, I love the section about giving up on the “fixing”… I am learning how to embrace myself. I have always hated photos of myself and didn’t want anyone to see them. I am now trying to push that thought aside and share more of “me”, especially on my site. Your words and encouragement are what has helped me on this journey of transformation – thank you!!

    • Elle

      It seems that ‘fixing’ is a hot button for us all Cher. I’m truly happy to be an encourager Cher. If more of us would just encourage one person every day, we could most definitely change their world a little and maybe our world a lot. 🙂

  10. Hi Elle,
    Another amazing piece!
    Every time I come to the end of your posts, I’m in complete awe.
    One point I really appreciated in this post is what you wrote about giving up on fixing and giving ourselves approval now as opposed to having to wait until we’ve achieved some goal. This is so important because we can better spend our time being kind to ourselves now, rather than waiting until some future event.
    One approach I use when I can catch myself not appreciating myself is to use the following affirmations: “I accept myself. I appreciate myself. I am in awe of myself”. And I repeat these to myself out loud again and again.

    Thank you.

    • Elle

      You are truly, truly kind Hiten. I’m in awe of your affirmation, I think I’m going to pinch it, if that’s okay with you? 🙂

  11. Hi Elle; Its unusual to hear someone say that the self help books don’t have the answer. But it does make sense if you think about it. If you are constantly reading suggestions on fixing yourself then you are telling yourself there is a lot wrong with you. I do read a lot of nonfiction but i would say most of it is in the character of inspirational many of my books being biographies or autobiographies of successful people. I love a good overcoming the odds story. As a blind person I have read a lot of stories about other blind people challenging themselves and achieving big dreams. I am even starting to accept my roll as someone who has inspired others. Keep reminding us to love ourselves. Its something you can never hear enough. Take care, max

    • Elle

      It’s not that they don’t have the answer Max, it’s just that gathering information without practicing any of it will never bring about the change we want to see. One book read many times over and the principles practiced until they become part of our being would make so much more sense to me. Glad you’re accepting the truth about you. You are awesomely inspiring. 🙂

  12. Really working on loving myself as part of my 2014 list of resolutions. Not going so well yet but it’s only February!

    • Elle

      Hi Carol, we all simply start where we are and as the determiners of our life if we keep heading in the same direction, we’re sure to get there. It’s all good. Be kind to yourself, as you say it’s only February and sometimes our old habits have a…well habit of hanging on. They won’t last long if you persist in knowing the truth about the amazing wonderful being you are. 🙂

  13. This article have lighted up my mood. I have been under very bad circumstances and stress these days but this was kinda relief to me. I guess I must practice more of the inner voice recognition.

    • Elle

      Hi Charmie, so sorry to hear things haven’t been going so well and I do hope everything turns around for you soon. The good news is nothing ever stays the same for long. Glad you felt somewhat better after reading the article. Hugs for better news for you. 🙂

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