shatter your victim mentality

Do you wake up each day with an optimistic heart and an expectant soul?

Does a day filled with richness, happiness and even a high sense of anticipation await?

Or do you have a lifestyle that is nothing to write home about, a job you tolerate and a relationship that’s going nowhere?

Hand on heart, what’s really going on in your life, because it’s sending you a message.

When you’re alone who are being?    Do you often feel like a victim?

Are you always on the look out for who’s doing you wrong, or who’s doing right by you?

Be honest.  Do you have a bit of a victim mentality.  Where life is more about what someone said to you, or about you, then it is about you and how awesome you are.

Life is all about choices. If you’re not experiencing that optimistic heart and expectant soul, look no further than the image you hold of yourself.

Your self-concept is the foundation of your life experiences. And it’s set like a thermostat.

Your experience of Life

We experience life at the setting of our self-concept and if happier, bigger things happen…never fear…before too long you’ll be back where you started, if a victim mentality is running your view of life.

Of course you don’t want to be back where you started…who does?

So maybe, just maybe it’s time you took a look at how to shatter a victim mentality and reclaim your power.

Your self-image works like this:

If you think like a leader you act like one and you have experiences that reflect that belief. If you’re less than certain of your capabilities, your results mirror your doubts right back to you.

Ever noticed that?    Of course you have, we all have.

I don’t know if this is still the way of things, but back in the day, most British kids would take a year off before going to University. They’d usually travel, sometimes as far afield as India, sometimes a hop, skip and a jump across the English Channel to France or somewhere in Europe.

The intent was to ‘find themselves.’

Who the heck are you?life follows thoughts

It’s been said so much better than I can say it, that we need to know ourselves.  And this is a life truth for us all.

But we don’t need to take a year off to find out who we are, we can see it oh so clearly in our life experiences.

It’s not easy to hear I know, but Life with a capital L is always, always all about us.

Now might be a good time to begin to discover the uniqueness of you. Take a look at your gifts and talents, your qualities, your passions, the things you enjoy. Even take a look at your weaknesses.  You and you alone have this particular mix of qualities.

Your individual make up is how you were created to be of service to the world.

You and you alone can enrich humanity in your own unique way.  No one else can ever bring what you do to the world.    How great is that?

You were never meant to live life as a victim of every untoward happening and you don’t have to, once you find a way to alter your self-concept.

Awareness of how you see yourself is the starting point.

If you’re not waking up full of the joys of spring, well for most mornings, but you slouch out of bed with a heavy heart and head out to a life you simply tolerate, then it’s time to alter your concept of self, since it’s the master creator of your current life experience. We’re not victims in life, we’re power brokers.

Self-worth v self-esteem

The concept we have of ourselves is about the value we place on ourselves, about our sense of self-worth rather than self-esteem, even though both are powerful tools for living a life filled with joy and love and wisdom.

Self esteem tends to be based on something we’ve done, rather than someone we are. It’s an outer recognition of some skill or prowess we have. Lose the skill or prowess and what happens to that esteem?

Self-worth on the other hand is an inside job without which we’re never truly capable of believing in our abilities, in our very selves.

And without a sense of our own worth, the esteem of others is a hard thing to receive.

Why? Because we can’t believe we’re actually worthy of anyone’s esteem. Isn’t that sad?

The ultimate goal for shattering a victim mentality is:believe in yourself

To believe in yourself.

To believe that you have the ability to contribute to your life, your world, your society, however seemingly insignificant you think your contribution might be.

The principle of contributing is what counts here, not the size of it. We can never know the ripple effect we create from one tiny gesture.

So many of us waste our time reflecting on the things that aren’t going well, or one of my least favourite things, the lessons we had to learn. Ugh. Not in my world missy.

What does this ‘failure review’ do for us. Oh great, it continues to condition our subconscious with defeat, or guilt, or sadness or lack. Not exactly helpful for assuming a different self-concept.

Don’t let life be like this for you.

Just as you can condition your subconscious for more defeats and victimhood, you can equally condition it into any habit you choose by the awareness and practice of  these four basic laws:

1. You are and become what you focus on.

2. What you focus on appears real because it’s reflected back to you via your experiences.

3. What you focus on grows.

4. You always see and find what you focus on.

Okay I said four basic laws but I added an extra one:

Choose to assume your brilliance dear ones. Enjoy feeling good about yourself, focus on how fabulous you are and you’ll be vibrating with the energy of self-worth.


It’s time.

Open your eyes. See yourself as the great and magnificent being you truly are and you help all of us.

Reclaim the gift you’ve been given to create a wonderful life.  What’s the use of getting a gift and not opening it.

Let your light SHINE.

We often learn best by sharing our own life experiences.  Have you replaced your victim mentality, or are there times when it manages to pull you back in?

Join us in the comments, I’m excited to hear your views.

As always thank you soooo much for reading and sharing, little light givers you.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Hi Elle
    Keep trying to change the language and you are so right we have no problem believing of how unworthy we are. We can be truly capable of anything, it is just remembering it is possible.
    I have been trying to figure out how to eliminate a problem and although it has been a long time coming it arrived yesterday. Things are definitely possible. So now up to finding an answer to the next problem. When the time is right it will show up.
    Having trust that things are absolutely possible does have a way of no longer being a victim of things of the past.


    • Elle

      I’m a great believer in releasing wanting to control outcomes Mary. Using the releasing technique seems to move my resistance out of the way so that my belief and faith have room to operate. As you say living in trust and knowing that everything is possible for us is such a powerful place to operate from.

      Isn’t it great to know that since we were the maker of the experience, we can make a new experience if we choose. It’s not always easy to stay in that place when problems show up, but somehow I have a very strong feeling that you did it.

      Do you use revision as a tool? 🙂

  2. What a Wonderful post Elle!! It is so easy to fall into victim mode and blame everything and anything else when things are not going the way we would like them too, this is when we lose our power, how on earth can we change anything when we are so focused on putting the blame on someone else and feeling sorry for ourselves??
    Lets tell a new story, live as the person we want to be now, leave the past firmly behind us and begin creating our amazing future by realizing our greatness now.
    Wow I really feel like you and I are soul sisters like you said!!
    I read your about page, you were born in Scotland?? Same as me 🙂

    • Elle

      Glad you enjoyed it Clare. Of course we’re all able to fall into that space if we’re not consciously choosing to respond rather than react, but hopefully for most of us it happens less and less.

      I like your idea of stories, it seems to me we’re making this whole thing up anyway!

      Where in Scotland are you from? It seems we’re a couple of scottish lassies together. 🙂

      • Yes we are making it up, we are the authors of our life experience and we get to decide what the story will be, I choose a happy and joyous plot line with lots of adventures in between 🙂
        consciously choosing how we will respond and feel rather than reacting to outside circumstances…i love that!!
        I am originally from Blantyre, but live in Glasgow now, it really is so good to have been drawn to your site. Loving your vibe 🙂

        • Elle

          I like your plot line Clare. I remember time was when I accepted that the only way to grow was through struggle or pain or some challenge somewhere, and of course that was how it happened. I wanted to grow and expand and it was always hard. It wasn’t until I ‘woke’ up to the fact that someone else believed that, but why should I, that I decided to grow through joy…and what a difference that’s made in my world.

          Not to say that challenges don’t present themselves still, but it’s oh so much easier to maneuver through them…how about you?

          Haven’t been to Glasgow in for ever. Actually haven’t been back to Scotland since my grandparents passed away, so it’s probably time for a visit. Next time we head over to the UK we’ve planned a flying visit to Scotland. Talking of change, I’m sure I’ll see a big one.

          • I know exactly what you are saying Elle, it’s like we are taught that life is a struggle, and that saying “you’ve made your bed, now you need to lie in it” what a truly awful saying I think it was this belief that kept me locked into my first long-term relationship for 10 years while inside I was dying and allowed myself to suffer emotional abuse for the best part of my twenties, but there comes the time when you just cannot suffer the pain anymore, you actually reach breaking point, something gives inside of you and you make that life changing decision that enough is enough, It was still years after this relationship ended before I eventually woke up! and again through the break up of a relationship, however that was a loving and wonderful one, I now believe that he came into my life, to teach me that love does exist. I will always be grateful for that relationship.
            Challenges and obstacles still arise for me as they do for everyone, but i get through them with much more ease, I have the belief embedded deep within me now that whatever challenge I am facing, however tough is an opportunity for growth and I always think, I can’t wait to see the gift that is concealed in this, or what is this showing me, what is it going on inside of me that is bringing this into my life?
            As always I could go on and write forever!!
            You more than likely will notice big changes in Glasgow 🙂
            I was in New York this year, first time I had been in America, it was an experience, loved it 🙂
            Where were you from in Scotland originally?

          • Elle

            Wow Clare, you are quite amazing. I don’t come across too many people who are able to look beyond the near challenge for the gift.

            I was born in Stirlingshire, just outside Falkirk. Not too far from Glasgow or Edinburgh. My Mum came from B’oness.

            When we visited Italy a couple of years ago, not having been there for ages, the difference in the cities was phenomenal, so goodness knows if I’d even recognize Glasgow or Edinburgh at all…except for the Castle of course.

            You add a great deal to the conversation Clare, I’m so glad you’re here. 😀

  3. Do you wake up each day with an optimistic heart and an expectant soul? … Yes I do. Thanks Elle … and this is a fantastic reminder ” … Never sell yourself short. ~ David J. Schwartz”

    Be good to yourself

    • Elle

      Now that doesn’t surprise me David…your posts are always filled with optimism and heart. Appreciate you stopping by and I know it was a challenge to leave a comment…so double thanks go out to you today my friend. 😀

  4. Elle,

    Wonderfully done, as usual. I love the four laws in this post. Resonated well with me. Thanks for sharing!

    • Elle

      You’re welcome Victor…I’m glad you enjoyed it and those four laws are so simple and effective, if we just operate our daily life from them. Thanks for stopping by, nice to see you here. 😀

  5. I love this. So true… so true. This is like the mantra of “the new me” perfectly encapsulated in one post. Less self questioning, more doing good and cool things that might just make a tiny difference to the world around me. Empowering better actions through seeing yourself in a different light…

    • Elle

      Now that is cool Ragnar. Love the idea of this ‘new you’. We’re always in the process of change anyway, or else we’re stagnating and that’s no good for any of us. Do you have any tips you could share with the rest of us about your ‘new you’. 😀

      • I would have to say the biggest thing for me, is that when I conceive something as scary or overwhelming, I’ve started to interpret that as a sign that I’m on the right path.. If you know in your gut that it’s something you need to be doing, ignore yourself when you try to rationalize not doing it.

        • Elle

          I like that Ragnar…moving out of our comfort zone isn’t…well comfortable. If we already know how to do something or it seems easy it’s because we’re sticking in the same place. Don’t know how to do something? Great. It’s a new state of being. You make an excellent point here and as always add so much to the conversation. 🙂

  6. Elle,
    I’ve been lucky enough to never feel that “victim mentality”. However I grew up with a sibling that has it and know friends who have it, too. It’s been hard for me to understand as a friend or sister. I feel very lucky to have been born optimistic. Great tips !

    • Elle

      Isn’t that amazing Betsy…you and your sibling…same family, different mentality. Being born optimistic makes it all smoother sailing doesn’t it? I think for some, having this concept of themselves doesn’t necessarily apply to every arena in their life, but there are certain areas where it certainly is a challenging belief.

      Having an awareness of consciousness operating in our world can make all the difference. Do you find that? 🙂

  7. Shifting that focus is oh so key Elle. Do that and your power-less mentality erodes into an all powerful mentality. Great tips!


    • Elle

      Hi Ryan, like the way you put that ‘power-less mentality’. And it’s such an easy place for us to fall into isn’t it? What’s your favourite thing to do to support you living in an all powerful mentality. I love to learn from everyone. 🙂

  8. Hi Elle,
    Whatever you bring out in your posts gets me thinking deely.Thanks for your triggers.
    A victim is essentially straggler and a prize-blamer.A victor is a leader and a proud- learner.
    What differentiates the leaders from the stragglers is the ability to learn and the discipline to stop blaming others and other things.Learning is a leadership trait.Blaming is a losers trait.Both are far different in their after effects as well.
    At the end of a session of blaming you are left feeling lousy(and for some folks the blaming session never ends, lifelong).
    At the end of a period of learning you come out feeling empowered and much more centered and in control.
    Blaming has short term,and perceived,benefits only.Learning has long term,and real life,dividends.

    • Elle

      And you Mona bring such a wealth of knowledge and perception with your comments. Funnily enough one of my friends was telling me today that she immersed herself in a meditation that left her totally blissed out. Immersing ourselves in anything, be it positive or not has a deep impact on our being. So as you put it so well, focus on who’s to blame, or focus on continued growth…I think you and I would both choose the growth. It’s so much more fun.

      I did notice my friend was absolutely glowing…so now of course I need to try her meditation. 😀

  9. You know, i like this place. As a very active LDS Christian, i can see how 90% of society, including myself live this way. Since this article is on a spiritual wave-length, let me add this into the mix. Being Christian, we believe that God is our literal heavenly father and his son Jesus Christ is our Brother. Now, if God and the savior are the ULTIMATE creators and organized the eternities, AND we are his childeren, doesnt that mean we are also ultimate creators as well? Well, yes, yes it does because we are HIS children and we inherit those spiritual creative gifts from him.

    Scripture states that as a man thinkith. so is he. My wifes great great grandpa gave a sermon stating that God does not create problems in our lives, he is not giving us illness and tribulation because he wants to torture us. tribulation, illness, hurt, happiness all come to us by our choices we make. Some choices take you closer to happiness(God) while others take you away from happiness(Sin). Sin is just Self Inflicted Nonsense(S.I.N)

    By a persons results in life, you can tell what their thoughts were. Now here is the problem. I can write all day about this and tell THOUSANDS of people this advice but yet i fail time and time again to apply it to MY life, which tells me my self worth must be in danger. I must feel that my self worth was taken from me. I do know that when i was a child, my personal power was ripped from me. I personally do not remember the incidents of this but people tell me how traumatic my hood was.

    • Hi Matt…what an interesting and well thought out comment. I appreciate it so very much.
      I’ve personally thought of sin as an archery term…ie missing the mark. The mark being the life we’d love to live and the thoughts and feelings that support that desire. But, I’m especially fond of your self-inflicted nonsense quote. Absolutely fabulous.

      Interestingly enough I’m about to launch a program that might very well support you in reclaiming your divine worth…so keep your eyes on this site if it should be of interest to you.

      Once again, thank you so much for your awesome, wise thoughts. 🙂

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