The relationship is over. You’ve gotten rid of all of their belongings and deleted all of the pictures of the two of you on social media.

Now, you’re alone. And it sucks. No matter how many songs you listen to or how many times you go out with your friends, the pain doesn’t seem to be getting any better.

You even start to think that you’ll never feel love again. It’s time to make changes, but how?

The concept of mindful self-compassion has grown in popularity over the last couple of years as a way to help heal the soul after a breakup.

But what exactly is mindful self-compassion? And how can it help?

What is mindful self-compassion?

Mindful self-compassion refers to the practice of treating yourself as good as the people you love most in your life.

The truth of the matter is that sometimes we treat the people around us better than ourselves. You obviously have love in your heart, so it’s time to show yourself some of that love.

It’s crucial to note that self-compassion is about love and strength as opposed to pity. Mindful self-compassion is NOT feeling sorry for yourself. It’s taking time to show yourself love and make yourself happy.

Think about all of the things you do throughout your day or week for your kids, parents, the person who broke your heart, work, and friends. Now think about all of the things that you do for yourself.

You probably don’t show yourself as much love as other, and it’s for that that to change.

When you have a broken heart, it’s time to take some time out for yourself and be nice to you. But how does that help?

How can mindful self-compassion mend a broken heart?

Understanding what mindful self-compassion means is one thing, but putting it into practice is another. After several studies, scientists have discovered that there are generally four steps to turn philosophy into practice.

Step 1- Accept that you have a broken heart


Many of us don’t want to admit our feelings. We may resist the truth.

Well, resisting the truth only resists the healing. Acknowledge your pain. Acknowledge that the pain comes from a failed relationship. Even cry if you need to.

Now that you’ve acknowledged the pain and where it came from, you can address it clearly.

Step 2- Understand this is a part of life

You are not the first person to experience a broken heart, and you are not going to be the last.

Heartbreak is a normal part of life, and you are having a very real, but temporary, human moment. This step helps prevent self-pity. It helps us realize that we are not a victim. We are simply living. That’s not to say that you don’t have a great reason to be angry.

You just don’t have a reason to feel sorry for yourself.

Step 3- “May I be kind to myself”

Say it. Say it sincerely. Say it again.

You are giving yourself power over your own emotions when you say this. Too often, people look for someone else to be kind to them or make them feel good. You don’t have to look any further than the mirror, though.

You can be kind to yourself. With this statement, you recognize that no one else has a stronger hold on your feelings than you, including the person that broke your heart or anyone else in the future.

Step 4- Determine exactly how to be kind to yourself

There are a number of ways that you can be kind to yourself, so it’s time to decide exactly how you will do it.

Promise that you will be more patient with yourself, or that you will allow yourself to try new experiences, or that you will like your appearance. Having a clear focus makes it easier to practice what you preach.

Identifying what you really want

When you have a broken heart, you may think that you want the person you miss. The fact of the matter is that a relationship is between two people.

If that person wasn’t as invested in the relationship as you, that person is not what you want.

You want love.

It can be heartbreaking when you think you have found love only to find out that you don’t.

When you realize that what you really want is love, you can realize that you can get it from another place – yourself.

Give your own self the love and attention that you crave emotionally.

Think about all of the things that the perfect partner would do for you and do them for yourself.

Listen to yourself, treat yourself, and compliment yourself.

Benefits of mindful self-compassion

The benefits of mindful self-compassion are plentiful. First, it will help you feel happy.

After suffering a heartbreak, it may seem like you will never feel truly happy again.

Mindful self-compassion will help you smile again. It will also make you feel more optimistic about the future.

You may even believe that you can find love again. You’ll also learn just how powerful you are.

You don’t need anyone else but you to make yourself feel good. This will help prevent future pain from affecting you as much.

Finally, loving yourself shows others that you love yourself.

That’s very attractive, and other people will want to love you, too. When you’re ready for a new relationship, it will be that much easier for you. It might last, too.

Don’t underestimate your powerful mind

You are a powerful being, and a heartbreak cannot break you. It might be able to affect you for awhile, though. If it’s been too long without any emotional progress after a breakup, it’s time to take some initiative by loving yourself.

So many people in this world put themselves on the bottom of the to-do list. If you’ve been through a heartbreak, you really need to put yourself first for a little while.

Everyone will appreciate the new you.


Kolyanne Russ is a relationship and love coach with a conscious and stress-free approach. She loves to empower and motivate people to live great lives and pursue their passions. She works with fabulous women to help them create a vision of their ideal relationship and gain the confidence to achieve it. She also writes and shares educational and inspirational content on her blog at Pinch of Attitude.

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