Throughout my life I’ve had support and encouragement from the important people in my life, starting with my Mum and Grandma and my siblings and friends and significant others.  I know I’ve been blessed.

The support I’ve received over the years has been such a wonderful source of growth and expansion for me and for them.  For what we give to others, we always, always receive ourselves.

This is such an important piece of our personal development that I have to say it again, sorry, can’t help myself.   So to repeat…whatever we are giving to another, be it support or attempting to put them down, we are the givers and the recipients as well.  There’s no escaping our universal connectedness, for good or ill, we are all part of the consciousness of all.


Exploring and experiencing meaningful relationships are all part of our life’s journey.  We’re sensitive souls, we human beings, and have all felt hurt, bewildered, confused, or offended in relationships.  And sometimes because we’ve been wounded we end up hurting others.  Not good karma.

Hilltop Dreams

My greatest cheerleader is my Darling One, who holds a mirror to me every single day, reflecting back to me the amazing person that he believes me to be.  Trust me when I tell you, even if you have doubts about being wonderful, when someone tells you, shows you and reflects back to you wonderful things about the being you are, at least a part of you begins to accept it as true.  Maybe not all of the time, but some of the time, and that’s a great start.

Every person is unique, every person is a star, a shining spirit, perhaps some are wrapped in muddy clothes but they are all special.  Even for those who can’t see it for themselves, and those who act as if they know they are less than special, deep within lies their brilliance, the seeds of their greatness.

Sadly for some, the weeds have taken over and for others the necessary nurturing never took place that allowed them to grow and bloom in the first place.

If we choose to live as much as possible from the totally loving, giving and joyful place of our higher self, our ability to connect to our spiritual nature expands, making it easier for us to distinguish the state of consciousness that others might currently occupy from their true and eternal self.

Spring flowers

And in each relationship, be it close or a passing one, learning to see beyond what people see in themselves is the greatest gift we can give.  We don’t need to fix them, to rescue them, or enable them, if we would simply choose to see them as the beautiful spark of the divine that they are, we might be the catalyst that encourages them to reach for an unfulfilled dream or a higher level of living life, and as sure as eggs is eggs we’ll grow ourselves in the process.

Suzy was a member of a book club that I was invited to join, and she was one of the reasons that I almost didn’t last through two books.  She must have been one of the most discouraging, complaining people I’d ever met.  Being around her was literally physically draining.  As my Dad would have said, she was a real misery-guts.

I began to notice when I thought of her I’d be having little arguments in my head, thinking negative thoughts about her …trust me it wasn’t hard for me to do…and thinking of really good excuses as to why I needed to back out of the group.  I would catch myself having discouraging, dispiriting conversations with Suzy…all in my head of course.  It had to stop.  It wasn’t doing either of us any good.

Back to the drawing board, back to what my Mum and Grandma told me when I was a kid, look for the good in people and you’ll find it.

What to do?  How to seek the good in miss misery guts?  Aha, I had a secret weapon that could change everything, it’s called imagination.  The question was, what should I imagine?  Something powerful enough to stop all this negative nonsense.  I began to call her Suzy sunshine in my mind, because I knew that within her there definitely was a more joyous being.  Maybe not a party animal exactly, but within her was the same spark of the divine that’s in us all and that’s a pretty beautiful thing.

Golden Forest

I began small.  I’m a big believer in baby steps.  Everyone tells us Rome wasn’t built in a blooming day, so the next time I saw her I said hello Suzy sunshine and told her how much I enjoyed her book choice…which was true, she picked books I might never otherwise have read and yes, they were good.

I began to see little rays of sunshine all around her when I thought of her and I would smile at the image.  I fed us both positive energy and the result was truly was amazing.  Everyone in the book club noticed that she was actually smiling and enjoying herself.  She later told me that it had been a long time since she’d been praised for anything, and she’d never been accused of being a ray of sunshine before…she said it felt good.

I realized how easy it was to make a difference, and it took little or no effort on my part.  I started to pay more attention to what I thought about others.  Maybe they didn’t see themselves as great, or worthy, maybe they’d experienced much that led them to feel numb, maybe life had knocked them down so often that they were afraid to get back up, or were still a bit wobbly on their feet.  But there was nothing stopping me from reflecting wonderful things to them.  It felt pretty darn good.

We can empower others by seeing their greatness, their potential, and mirroring this to them by our words and actions.  And who knows, this may just be the boost they need to create something wonderful. We all have a contribution to make and if we can make a difference in our world, by bringing out the best in everyone just by seeing their true value, their real worth and reflecting it back to them then we have contributed to a kinder, more loving place for us all to live.

And now let’s all paaartay.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle

Photo credits
Eric Kilby


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. I love it, Elle..thank you 🙂

    I believe that what I see strongly in others is a reflection of I would ask myself where in my life am I “miss misery guts”…and if I couldn’t see the sunshine (as you did..awesome!), I would create it for us..and Suzie would respond to the radiance 🙂 Or I would quit the club *grin*…it’s a *practice*…and it’s wonderful to learn from you!

    • Elle

      You are so right Joy, Suzy was definitely in my consciousness…not necessarily as a reflection of me being a misery-guts (I’m much too happy a soul for that) but I had accepted or consented to the state of misery-guts and it was in my awareness, which is why I was able to draw the experience to me.

      What a great way to put it, ‘Suzy responding to the radiance.’

      Making the choice to see Suzy as ‘sunshine’ did two things…it allowed her to see more of her true inner being and freed us both from the prison of keeping the state of misery-guts in our consciousness. Win…win all round.

      It’s interesting to note that since Suzy, I haven’t drawn any miserable people into my sphere of life. 🙂

  2. “My Mum and Grandma told me when I was a kid, look for the good in people and you’ll find it”. Deja vu. I must have written that line so many times, Elle.

    Reading your post is like a major affirmation. I’ve noticed too, how the misery-guts we come in contact with occupy a space in our heads – and actually keep us focused on them. Truth is, there IS good in every one. And it is up to us to (want to) seek it. When we do, we’re usually rewarded. If not, well, one must take the rough with the smooth.

    I’ve experienced the beauty of some really bad-tempered people – most times nobody bothers to notice them, and I guess it is what turns them into the way they are. In a sense, their image gets built as a result of others’ reflections of them – which endorses what you wrote about mirrors and reflections. So it is really up to us to also peel off those layers and look for the soft heart inside.

    Lovely post, Elle. You charm my heart.

    • Elle

      You and I have so much in common Vidya…it’s no surprise to me that your Mum and Grandma would tell you the same things 🙂 And as you say whatever the outcome with the other people we meet, we have chosen to let go of the vibration of miserable, bad tempered people in our world and have allowed them to see, even if briefly, the truth of who they are, the brilliance of who they are. And who knows, if it doesn’t seem to make a big difference at first, we have no idea of the impact we have on them as time goes on. As I mentioned in a previous post, just a little tweak can make a huge difference. 🙂

      What a great understanding you have Vidya, “their image gets built as a result of others’ reflections of them”.

      Your life must flow wonderfully well with your knowledge and practice of how these laws of life work. 🙂

  3. Most people’s initial reaction to negative people is to avoid them. While we can’t change others, we can change ourselves and our actions which creates a different energy and response from others. That was so beautiful how you turned Suzy around!

    I try to see the real, usually hurt, person behind the negative facade. Whether I know them well or make up my own story, I feel compassion for them which usually (not always) creates a more positive response from them.

    Subtle shifts in our energy can make such a difference in our lives and those around us.

    Thanks for the wonderful example of this Elle!

    • Elle

      I love that Paige, being able to turn our reactions around gives us such a huge awareness of exactly what’s happening. As I mentioned to Joy, it’s always our consciousness that we get to see – that’s the beauty of the reflective system we have. Looking at the experiences of our life and we can see what we believe, accept or consent to as true. And clearly I had accepted the idea of misery-guts because there it was in all its glory!

      And it’s so true that behind it all is another consciousness that might have been wounded, or unheard, or simply put down to such a degree they couldn’t bounce back. As we see them from the eyes of our highest self, it’s easier to imagine and see the wonderful being they truly are.

      You really understand how these laws work Paige. Thank you for your insights. 🙂

  4. Hi Elle,

    Wonderful post and your words couldn’t be more true. What we give is reflected back. It is essential that we surround ourselves with people that will be supportive and allow us to move forward with confidence and grace.

    That being said compassion comes into play when we see someone like your friend who is suffering. There is always a story and a reason why. I love your idea of using your imagination. Being that ray of sunshine for someone can make all the difference.

    Take care and have a great rest of your weekend!

    • Elle

      Love that sentence Cathy, ‘surround ourselves with those who are supportive, letting us move forward with confidence and grace.’

      As my friend texted me today after a wonderful experience, ‘imagination creates reality.’ 🙂

  5. Thank Elle…love the insights on relationships. It came at a very good time. My wife sees things in me I have don’t see in myself. And that is such a gift.

    • Elle

      And thank you Jonathan for stopping by and commenting…I’m so happy that you have a wonderful wife who reflects to you the wonderful being you are. 🙂

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