[success]When you go through storms in your life, you can either be pitiful or powerful, but you can’t be both.  Your attitude determines your victory.  Nishan Panwar.[/success]

One of the most fascinating games in the world is that of making the most of ourselves.

Go on admit it.  It’s fun.  Most of the time.

But…there always seems to be a but…have you noticed that?

But there’s also the less fun game of our pity-parties.   Self organized and self inflicted, we get caught up in that most miserable of games, that of self-pity. Wallowing, destructive thoughts that take us nowhere but down.


Don’t waste one single moment of your precious life on self-pity, anxiety, or worry.  All of which are just habits of being that we can well do without and since we know that it’s our thoughts and feelings that are the makers of our reality, we can begin by giving ourselves new messages to focus on.

1. Remember When

Whatever’s troubling you right now use that magnificent imaginative power you have to see the situation as though it were a distant memory.  Say to yourself, I remember when…I felt…I was…I did…I didn’t have, whatever the case may be.

From pity to power: Woohoo I’m not that person any more.

2. Unlimited Moments

Take a moment to move from the pity mentality and opt in to a mindset where the sky’s the limit.  What does it feel like to have unlimited power?  What did you do?  What were you thinking? What images did you have in your mind?

From pity to power.  Woohoo I’m powerful beyond measure.  I can create anything.

3. Do Something Different

It’s hard to feel self-pity when we’re focused on doing something new every day.  Or doing an old thing in a different way.  Simple things will do. Take a new route to work, switch up your morning routine, anything.  We tend to even put our shoes on the same feet first every day…do the opposite.

From pity to power.  Woohoo I’m open to new experiences and out of the box thinking.

4. Pay Attention

To what brings you joy or lights you up with positive energy. What’s absolutely fabulous about your life right now?  Give it your attention.  Doesn’t matter how tiny it is, there’s something you can find that’s joyful to you.

If not, then decide to do more of what you love tomorrow than you did today and begin to build up your stream of joy.

From pity to power.  Woohoo I’m grateful for what’s working in my life.

5. Say No

To people and experiences that leave you drained.  And if it’s challenging, because some draining someone is a part of your life, maybe family or colleagues at work, make a decision to not allow yourself to be overwhelmed.  Balance these folk out by talking to uplifting people, or reading something inspirational, or surrounding yourself with positive quotes and music that feeds your soul.

From pity to power.  Woohoo I’m in control of my energy and my feelings.

6. A Michael Jordan Moment

Michael Jordan failed his way to success and we can do the same.


7. Self Trust

Learn to trust yourself.  We do this by discovering for ourselves what we’re really capable of…and we can’t do that whilst sitting having our little pity-party.  We have no clue what we can do until we try.  And forget the naysayers who’ll tell you it can’t be done, or at least it can’t be done by you.  How do they know?  Heck you don’t even know because you haven’t tried it yet.

And if you try something new and it doesn’t appear to be working out. Simply remember all the people who failed their way to success.

From pity to power.  Woohoo I ‘m thinking like Michael Jordan and it worked out pretty well for him.

8. Live Your Own Life

Give up people pleasing. (Write that down Elle).  There are times when we struggle to simply be ourselves which often stems from our people pleasing habit.

Decide to be master of your life, of your own destiny and yes, perhaps someone might be upset with you, even angry.  You no longer fit the image they’ve held of you.

It’s okay.  Believing that no one will like you, or someone will leave you unless you say yes, when you want to say no, or because you have a different perspective on something, is a terrible prison we put ourselves in.

We all come across people with values and beliefs that are different from, and might even be in conflict with ours.  And sometimes that feels scary for them, because it might feel like a threat to the foundation of who they are.  They want us to be like them, it feels safer.

Respect their perspective and insist that they respect yours.

From pity to power.  Woohoo I have faith in me.

9. Choose Happiness

We’ve all heard that happiness is a choice but I’m talking about making it a real priority in life.  Cultivating the happiness habit is a great way to move from pity to power.  What do really happy people do in life?

Some clues:

They’re kind to everyone.
They don’t hold grudges.
They give everyone the benefit of the doubt.
They don’t compare themselves with others.
They nurture their relationships.

Fear not, the world won’t come to an end if you make happiness a priority in your world.  In fact probably those around you will breathe a sigh of relief, because you’ll be radiating happiness onto everyone who enters your sphere, including them.

Pity to power. Woohoo now I’m really making the most of myself.

As you know knowledge without application isn’t worth two hoots.  I’d love to hear if there’s anything here that you could apply or anything that you’ve personally done to move out of your own private pity-party into a happier state.  And as always, by sharing your experiences, you could be giving someone the inspiration they needed today.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle.


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. When I have a pity party for myself I have a big but short one. I cry with a box of Kleenex in my bed. I eat ice cream and watch a sad movie and carry on. When it’s over…it’s over. I get up and get over it. I carry on;))

    The title of this post could be a book title!

    • Elle

      I especially like the eating ice cream Tess. And that’s a useful tool you’ve added to the conversation…when it’s over, it’s over…move on.:-)

  2. Saying no I am improving on. Not being A people pleaser note to self maybe on a post it! I am enough exactly as I am. Right now working on trusting me and my Intuition
    Great post thanks
    Suzie xx

    • Elle

      And I thank you for all those insights Suzie. Wow, great food for our global community. 🙂

  3. Gratitude is my ‘go-to’ energy-shifter…along with light and fresh air (but light and fresh air aren’t always immediately available). I breathe into whatever emotion arises, and as it unfolds, I apply gratitude. If external feels less than optimal in the moment, sometimes that gratitude is as simple as appreciation for the gift of life, of breath….and then, as I feel better, I can extend that as the energy continues to shift.

    • Elle

      This is becoming a wonderful place for shared insights…and yours are just wonderful Joy. I know that you bring much to our global community…you certainly bring much to me for which I’m grateful. Must be catching. 🙂

  4. what a wonderful post! My pity parties turned into major depressions, unfortunately. It was pretty bad. I never knew how to shake off that depressive feeling until being appreciative and thankful for everything.

    I was a people pleaser myself a couple of times and had been accused of being fake, so I learned my lesson. Just be yourself is the best policy. It is not natural for eveyone to like you anyway, so it is okay and why waste energy on it? I find when you do not care as much for others is when they come flocking to you. Weird, huh? how can that be explained?

    I have also recently concluded, somewhat, that not caring so much about things or circumstances puts you on the road to enlightenent. Is this a first step? Wouldn’t you say?

    I encourage eveyone. some do not like it, though, so I need to assess the situation so that it does not fall on dead ears.


    • Elle

      Welcome Kay. We so appreciate your insights and you’re so right, it all comes down to the vibration of energy that we live in…not everyone will be on the same page and that’s okay too. 🙂

  5. I appreciate your concept of moving from pity to power because i believe that when you are good to others ,even in the most trying circumstances,it is a strong measure of your power.
    It’s when you’re truly good to yourself that can be best to others.Eventually, given the inherent divinity within us,whether we realize it or not,we feel warm inside when we are kind to others.
    It is important to cultivate goodness from within.When you take a closer look at the animal kingdom most creatures appear live for themselves .Only man has been divinely afforded the ability to do some thing beyond his little self.Then only does he feel satisfied ,uplifted.
    This is also a sure antidote to self pity.

  6. I think the biggest thing for me is taking deep breaths and creating between myself and my thoughts and treating myself with kindness. This gives me power. Thanks for the post Elle.

    • Elle

      I like your way of attracting power Sebastian…kindness works wonders. 🙂

  7. Hi Elle,

    Gratitude helps me not feel so sorry for myself, when things don’t go my way. I have my little down time and then I shake it off and and get back in the saddle, as they say. Thanks for the encouragement and great reminder!! xoxo

    • Elle

      Gratitude is a good one Cathy. Anything that moves us from the pity party we set up can truly work miracles. 🙂

  8. Hi Elle –
    I’ve been stuck in not ‘living my own life’ as much as I can for myself….even though I thought I was. It was only after my daughter got married recently that an internal shift happened in me. It’s all good stuff- and a ‘shake up’ was long overdue – so those words are hitting home. As always, thanks Elle. xxoo-Fran

    • Elle

      Isn’t that funny Fran, how we do that? We genuinely believe we’re being one way, then something happens and we get a wake up call. And I so agree with you. Those wake up calls are often a really great thing. Good job you for listening. 🙂

  9. Love that Michael Jordan quote! Someone gave me a great quote the other day and now I’m trying to remember it. It was something like whenever you’re feeling sorry for yourself, remember that many people in the world would be grateful to have your problems. It was more eloquent than that, but you get the idea!

    • Elle

      I think I read that somewhere too Galen, and it was recent. And isn’t that the truth. My mum used to tell me that when I was a kid, but it didn’t seem to sink in then. 🙂

  10. Thank you for the great post. Especially the section “Choose Happiness”. How true the Michael Jordan quote is. You have to fail a number of times before you can achieve success.

    • Elle

      The Michael Jordan quote is one of my favourites too Eva. A great reminder that even the best of the best actually fail their way to success. Now I get to feel pretty good about my own ‘failures’. 🙂

  11. I needed to read this today, so thank you Elle!
    Learning to say no has been the hardest for me. Just recently an old friend came back into my life, sadly her life was so full of drama that drained me out before, after I ended the friendship I missed her but not the drama. Now, we are speaking to each other again but I am trying so hard not to get sucked into her drama again by avoiding even bringing some stuffs up that will trigger the long and draining drama. It is a learning process…

    Love this post, Elle 🙂

    • Elle

      Hi Maureen, that’s the truth, the whole of life is a learning process and sometimes it’s one step forward two steps back. The good news is you’re awake and aware. In fact that’s the best news of all, because now you can bring your powerful creative spirit to work on your behalf and imagine your friendship being precisely the way you want it to be. The added benefit is that it frees your friend from the prison of her past behaviour. 🙂

  12. Thankyou for this lovely and inspiring post, I will be thinking of these points throughout the day. One thing I’d like to the happiness thing is that studies have shown that the brain parts associated with happiness are fired most strongly when doing things for others. You only need to look at people that devote their lives to others to see that its true. Thanks!

    • Elle

      Hi Lucy L and thanks for joining in the conversation. *Love* the idea that areas of the brain associated with happiness fire up when we’re doing something for others. Reminds me to ask myself at the end of every day: What good did I do today? 🙂

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