Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. ~ Lao Tzu

No matter what’s happened in past relationships you deserve love and affection.

Maybe past relationships haven’t always turned out the way you wanted but that doesn’t mean that they won’t today.

It isn’t love that hurt you and left you bruised and full of sorrow. It’s loss or rejection or fear that caused you pain, and today you can let it go. Many never know how, or when to let go and it can hold them back forever.

Don’t let this be you.

Today is a new day, make a new choice and give up your old relationship habits and beliefs. Start to believe that real love and understanding is yours and your belief will help create that reality.

Giving and receiving love is at the core of our well being. Love in our life supports our growth, our happiness and our spirit. It’s love that enriches our life and brings it deep meaning.

In fact you are designed for love and you have been given the power to create it. Love, peace and happiness is within your reach, it’s simply one new choice away.

Remember you are precious and deserve the peace and joy that true love brings. And it begins with you.

Do the hardest thing

You are designed for love in its highest form. But past history, old programming and the unhappy stories we tell ourselves about relationships, will block it.

Only by loving does come love to us and the more you love, the more it comes. Far too many go through life wanting to be loved and never feeling that they are, even when they’re in a truly loving relationship.

Remember the feeling has to be in you first. You have to feel love within to know love. When you love, you feel wonderful. When someone else loves you, they feel wonderful.

The biggest danger is forgetting self-love, it doesn’t have to, and shouldn’t, take a back seat to love of others.

Truthfully, it’s the best way to draw genuine, deep love into your world. Yet sometimes it’s the hardest and last thing many pay attention to.  Don’t be one of them.

You don’t need a fortune teller

You need a vision.

Your future isn’t somewhere out there. It’s in you. You’re the creator and shaper of your days, of your life, of your relationships.

You need a vivid description of the outcome you want, one that inspires and gives you the energy to keep moving forward.

Imagine your future, its ideal in all respects; this is you asking for what you want. This is the message you’re radiating from within.

If you’re single, then think of your vision as a sort of recruiting tool. People who have the same vision for their life are drawn to you.

If you’re involved, you’re planting seeds of happiness, love, and hope, and you’ll reap an abundant harvest.

Oh yes…really important.  Write it down.

Unity of purpose

To begin moving with purpose in the direction of the change you seek in your life you need to be really clear on what it is you want.

It may have taken courage to step back into a relationship, to trust again, to open up again, but it won’t be enough to keep you there.

Many couples never reach a unity of purpose.

You need a shared awareness of  love, of your future in order to be walking the path towards it together.

Talk and listen to each other. Share your values, your fears, what you need today to be happy, regardless of what happened yesterday.

We all we carry things from our past; hurts and upsets, ager and pain but you don’t have to let those negative thoughts from the past destroy your happy future. Today, they only live in your mind as memories. Let them go.

And use your imagination to envision a future that fulfills in every way. You need to see your bright future in your mind’s eye if you’re to create it.

Remember, your thoughts are filled with creative power, deliberately choose to fill your mind with thoughts of an ideal and happy future.

A true love story

I remember hearing of someone who was single and travelled a lot. She found it difficult to meet anyone, never staying anywhere longer than a few weeks.  Eventually, fed up with this state of affairs, she decided to write down a vision of her happily imagined future:

My love picks me up from the airport and we drive to our lovely home for a dinner that he prepared. Before dinner we sit in front of the fire drinking a glass of wine and sharing stories about our day.

Sooner than she imagined possible, she met and married a chef. It turned out they both were great story tellers and they take time each evening to regale each other with the experiences of their day!

If this works for one of us, it works for us all.

Write your own vision.

Keep it simple, keep it in the present tense and filled with words that conjure up descriptive pictures for you.

I used it in my world and drew the perfect partner into my life. Here we are some sixteen years later with a relationship that just gets better and more beautiful every day. He’s one of the reasons I’m the happiest woman on the planet.

Final thoughts

Nothing is ever final in the jigsaw of our life, pieces get revised and even replaced, let the same be true for your relationship, be willing to fine tune it as you both grow and expand but let love always be the biggest piece, bigger than any differences, bigger than any tweaking you choose to do.

The vision we create is going to support us in seeing and encouraging the very best in one another. And should you decide not to have a vision that’s okay.  Just make sure you’re not focusing on the things that aren’t supportive and aren’t the best.

Appreciate where you are, appreciate what you have, appreciate the love in your life. For appreciation of what we have always, always, always, brings more things to appreciate.

Over to you. What ways can you share that have helped you create the right relationship for you and keeps it thriving?  The comments below await your unique and special insights and perspective.

Thank you for reading, sharing and contributing. I’m looking forward to hearing what you have to say on this one. Love is important to us all.

Encourage one another

Love Elle


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Hello; As I haven’t found my special someone yet, I don’t have any great advice here. I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the law of attraction applies to everything including finding a perfect mate. So, I will be more conscious of the message I am sending to the universe concerning finding a lady to share my life. I will also to continue being thankful for the abundance in the other aspects of my life as abundance breeds more abundance. I am hoping to do more traveling for my business so it would be nice to find someone who not only enjoys traveling but that is good at it meaning that they handle the endless snags and delays with an even temper and a smiling personality. As a blind man I realize that whoever i find she would be taking on more responsibility than most spouses so i need to be more patient and generous myself. I have lost a lot of weight so i am much healthier now so i can enjoy life with this partner for many years to come once i find her. And while women haven’t started beating down my door since going from 512 to 265 it was cool when while at the mall a lady giving us directions said she would be happy if i came back any time. smile great for the ego. Thanks for the great post and take care, max

    • Elle

      Hi Max and once again you bring great thoughts to the conversation. You haven’t mentioned being blind before and your cheerfulness and upbeat attitude becomes even more impressive. What a wonderful state of mind you live in.

      It is funny how we can overlook the fact that manifesting is always taking place in our life…with or without our deliberate co-operation.

      Oftentimes our judgement of how things are, or how things should be can get in the way of living a more expansive life than the one we currently experience.

      I suspect you know all about this, judging by the insights and inspiration you bring to the table. 🙂

      • Hello; thanks for those kind words. I just try to be as open to possibilities as i can be. I try to find the good in everyone and every situation. I thought I’d mention being blind as it may apply to this particular subject. However, my friends keep telling me i need to be more open about it as we all need all the inspiration we can get in our lives. And you know one of my favorite authors the blind musician writer actor etc tom sullivan believes that lack of sight may result in blind people especially men developing interest in and attraction to women at a later age. And since men are supposed to be more visual in how they find mates, he could be right. I don’t know. I do know that there is someone out there for me just haven’t found her yet. smile thanks again and take care, Max

  2. Very well written Elle! I love the idea of a vision between two people. My husband and I went on a retreat required by the Catholic church when we got married. At first, we weren’t too interested in doing it. But it turned out to be a wonderful weekend. The weekend brought up a lot of topics that we’d never thought about like how many children we wanted, our family’s finances and how we looked at finances just for example. And it confirmed what we already knew…. we are perfect for each other. A vision is wonderful thing to have.

    • Elle

      Hi Betsy what a wonderful experience you both had. And how great that it confirmed what was already very clear…you’re perfect for one another.

      Have you picked up any additional tips along the way that keeps your relationship being as wonderful as when you first began your journey together? 🙂

      • I’ve always thought about writing a post about a good relationship/marriage. We do several things. We wake up early every day so we can have what we like to call “coffee talk”. We never leave the house without it. Plus we follow some advice of my aunt. “Always want more for the other person than you want for yourself.” And of course some other things but that’s a good start!! 🙂

        • Elle

          Love that idea Betsy…I’ve always liked Scott Pecks definition of love, which is along similar lines. 🙂

  3. Hi Elle,
    You’ve done it again.Got me mulling over something awesome.Now writing a vision isn’t a big deal these days.We do it quite frequently conerning our businesses,or professional needs.But in a marriage.Wow! that’s swell.I might seriously do that sooner,than later.
    BTW it is psychological and an anthropological fact that communities/relationships where some ritual prevails ,always fare batter in longevity. That’s why ancient communities had a lot to do with festivities,religious rituals etc.That created a strong bond.The same is true for marriage and relationships as well.
    Marriages do well with a shared ritual ,whether gardening,trekking ,attending church,dates etc.It’s said any marriage where the couple prays together and eats together becomes very strong.These are excellent rituals.
    But writing a vision statement is a notch above all this ,i guess.

    • Elle

      Hi Mona, I hope you like ‘mulling’ – I suspect you do. I think that rituals are incredibly powerful in a relationship too. We had quite a few in place in the early years and now have it down to just one. I also think relationships like anything in our world need to be lived as consciously as possible and knowing that you’re both heading in the same direction with the same happy outcome always in mind makes it easier when making small or big decisions.

      Do you have any personal rituals that work well in your life that you’d be happy to share? I love the fact that we all can learn and grow from each other, don’t you? 🙂

  4. For me, what matters is the way how you perceive things more than what it is projecting towards you.. I have also learned that soul matters more than the ‘looks’. Sometimes, what is beautiful isn’t necessarily the most wonderful.. For all you know, it might be the ugliest… And I am glad I didn’t fall for the ‘looks’, I simply went for the radiance of the soul.. and it happened to be the right path for me.. great thoughts here.. got me into thinking. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂

    • Elle

      Hi Vinma and welcome to the conversation. Perspective makes a huge difference doesn’t it? The challenge for many is that our senses are overwhelmingly powerful, especially our sense of sight and we can overlook the beautiful inner being in favour of what the person looks like. Good for you that you choose to be aware of the inner radiance, sounds like a wonderful path.

      I thank you for sharing your insights Vinma. 🙂

  5. Hi Elle,
    Absolutely love your idea of a vision together with your partner and then consciously creating together in unity, fantastic!!
    And if your looking for your life partner, writing down your vision of your future relationship and the qualities you are looking for in your partner is a great way to attract him/her to you, the act of writing, putting pen to paper and creating an image and vision of your intention is incredibly powerful for creating your reality. no matter what you desire to create! A written statement of intention works wonders!
    Great Post
    Clare x

    • Elle

      Hi Clare…what you say is so true about the power of intention. You bring wonderful ideas to the conversation. 🙂

  6. Elle, you keep outdoing yourself, dearest! What a wonderful post!

    I was reading the other day that women make a lot of mistakes when it comes to relationships. The problem is most of them concentrate way too much on their exterior appearance, which it can bring in something temporary, but not for the long run. The article further stated that those who wait to get physical, are good conversationalists, add to the mystique, and are supportive do best.

    Now, for love, yes, sharing a vision is key and so is making sure your beloved goes after their dream. I have seen relationships and marriages fail because one partner was selfish and did not allow the other to pursue his dream, leading to resentment and the dissolution of the relationship. It is important to respect the other person. This leads to harmony in the relationship and something we need in life. Wild passion can’t go on all the time because we have things to do!

  7. What a great article. The universe constantly reflects back to us what we firmly believe – in all areas of life. If there is something happening in my life I don’t like, I always ask myself, what is the universe trying to tell me? Which of my beliefs and thought patters attracted this situation into my life? And this usually helps me to realize thoughts and beliefs that no longer serve me.

    • Elle

      Hi Robert – so appreciate you stopping by and with some great comments. And what a great state of consciousness you operate from. So many who are aware of checking within first, then turn to blame rather than to tweak the thoughts and beliefs that drew the experiences. My hat’s off to you. 🙂 Well it would be if I was wearing one!

  8. How refreshing to see an emphasis on vision for an article about finding love. It’s a topic where it is very common to project your happiness onto someone else, and talk about things you need to do in order to “get” them. Thanks for the different approach.

    • Elle

      Hi CJ and thanks for joining in the conversation, especially since you come bearing gifts of encouragement! Seriously thanks for your kind words and hope to see you back soon. 🙂

  9. Elle,
    Magical was my thought as I read this and I agree with what you have written about love in relationships, I think we both seem to have found our soulmates and I know that Des and I have grown over what is nearly 25 years- next week 🙂
    Love does make the work go around
    love to you xx

    • Elle

      Hi Suzie isn’t it wonderful that we are so blessed in our relationships. Being on the same page with our loved ones means we live more or less in a total loving flow and this of course attracts so much more love into our world. Congrats on your 25 years. It doesn’t surprise me that you have so much love in your life, you radiate it my dear friend. I’ve said it before and I’m happy to keep on saying it, love shines from you to such a degree that you can see it even over the internet.

      Love right back at you. 😀

  10. Love, love, love the power that drives us all! I had never thought about having a vision for it, it was more like taking one day at a time without thinking about a future goal for a relationship.

    I do think attraction has a major role in the way we partner up. However, sometimes we forget that looks are so superficial and we definitely have to do some digging to fight the right person!

    Loved your perspective. Now, where’s my paper & pen? 🙂

    • Elle

      Hi Glenda and thanks for contributing to the conversation. You made me laugh, I had this image of you routing around for a pen and piece of paper.

      And you’ve hit the nail on the head here…it’s so easy to to relationships one day at a time, but where the heck do we want to end up? What does it look like, what are we doing, how are we feeling, what can we see? Bringing all our senses into play, along with the values that really matter to us allows us to know that we’re on track. 🙂

  11. Love is all about patience, kindness, and understanding. Yes, I get annoyed when Matt leaves the toilet seat up but that is just what he does and doesn’t reflect on his character as a person. I’m sure he is exasperated by my unwillingness to share my tools but he doesn’t hold it against me! We work well together because we don’t hold these minor annoyances against each other.

    • Elle

      Lol Cher about the loo seat. As you say minor annoyances compared with all the patience, kindness and understanding you speak of. 🙂

  12. Another thought provoking article. I have been married to my current husband for 25 years and yes, we always have a vision of where we are going, from getting our son into college (accomplished) to where we are going to live when we retire. Planning and looking to the future is important, and is having a history to share with each other … holding hands, looking at the star and saying, remember when…

    • Elle

      Awesome Linda…25 years and still looking at stars and remembered when. Doesn’t get better than that in my book. 🙂

  13. Hello lm a 42 year old man who had messed up in the past. lm divorced from a 15 years marriage. Then l entered into another relationship which didn’t work out and resulted in pregnancy. I had almost given up on true unconditional love. l refused titles from society not that l was in denial. then l met this 28 year old young beautiful lady who demonstrated unconditional love to me. At first l told her about the past marriage of three kids and that l was living from hand to mouth she accepted me, then l prayerfully asked God for the courage to tell her about the pending pregnancy which is about five months now. When l told her about the pregnancy she cried but after serious consideration she continued to love me. I cried because to me this is the last chance to open my heart and love again. So l just want to encourage someone that true love is there and please choose not to give up no matter what happened in the past. Now my biggest challenge is to find ways to raise finances to marry this amazing lady who loved and accepted me. Thanks.

    • ElleSommer

      Wow Domingo…with your determination and persistence and desire to be on the right track I can’t imagine anything stopping you from being the person you need to be to experience the love you seek. Many blessings to you. 🙂

  14. It took me awhile to find true love. I had a few twists and turns until I got it right. Being mentally and emotionally committed to the relationship during the good times and the bad makes a difference. I also appreciate my husband for who he is and what he brings to our relationship. It is wonderful to have someone in your life that understands you and is your best friend. Thanks for the great tips here, Elle!

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Cathy – you’re so right about the commitment. We live in such a disposable world that it becomes a habit even to the degree that we dispose of our relationships before having done everything possible to refresh and renew. You are most definitely blessed and it sounds as though your relationship with your best friend is a jewel beyond compare. 🙂

  15. I believe in synchronicity rather than coincidence. I just decided it was time to end a 5 year relationship that, in my heart, I knew was not right … I just didn’t want to hurt him. There was no unity of purpose or really anything else … we were just, at this point, comfortable with each other. Anyway, it’s no small coincidence that a post from almost 2 years ago shows up on my Faceook wall this morning. Late last week, I’d written a bunch of affirmations about my relationship with an ideal mate so your section talking about creating a vision really resonated with me. Looks like I have a project for the weekend 🙂

    Thanks, Elle, for sharing your wealth of wisdom and providing insight for me once again.

    • ElleSommer

      Isn’t that the truth Debi. I thought this one was worth re-purposing. It’s been a while since I posted anything about love and relationships. Isn’t life awesome…we get to see a reflection of our thoughts as we go about our day. Hopefully, your project is fun and brings a wonderful result. 🙂

  16. Thank you Elle! Your posts always help me remember the bigger picture and that there is always, always goodness in the world! I do have my special love, but I was thinking about this the other day (because his sister is getting married soon). So I was reflecting on what my 14 years of marriage to her brother and over 20 years in a relationship with him have taught me. I think love is wonderful of course, but marriage is forgiveness. I think I have as near to a perfect husband as is humanly possible (I know! lucky!!!) but nothing is ever perfect. We have to practice love ACTIVELY, both self-love and love for each other. It IS a verb, as they say. Thank you for such a timely article. xoxo!

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Jessica – theres a great truth in what you write and much insight. Love is an activity, a deliberate choice we make each day. How wonderful that as you practice it you experience such joy in life. Perhaps marriage, or partnership is the greatest self development tool we have! 🙂

  17. Thanks for always sharing your wonderful insights about life. As for me Love always brings out the best in you. Great Post!

    • ElleSommer

      So true Sherill – I honestly believe if we would all only love a little more, everyone and everything…we’d be absolutely amazed at the brilliance of our life. 🙂

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