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Your mindset is your greatest asset. It shapes your life and leads to the actions you take and the possible futures that await.
In fact, it’s the one thing we all need to master if we’re serious about achieving greater success and happiness.
Who hasn’t had days when things break down in life and challenging days turning up more frequently than we’d like? I know this has been true of me and my life.
I was feeling lost and miserable after my mum passed away. I hadn’t realized how much I depended on her wisdom and perspective on life. And each morning when I awoke, I’d remember there was a large hole in the fabric of my life. Not the same as when my husband passed away, but I still felt a heavy weight on my shoulders that I could not shake.
I needed a reset, and this only happens within. So the real question was, what do I want? The first answer was I wanted my mum back, but this isn’t how our world works.
And this is where I see people get mixed up. They hear, ‘if you can imagine it, you can experience it.’ But the story is a bit more complicated.
I’ve written about this before, but here it is again:
When you step into mindset shifts and the thoughts you are thinking, you certainly change your world. But it isn’t magic. And to have a desire fulfilled, it has to be in alignment with nature. Being short and having a desire to be taller won’t and can’t happen. It isn’t in alignment with nature. Losing someone and using all the techniques I have learned over the years won’t and can’t bring them back. It isn’t in alignment with nature.
So since having my mum back couldn’t happen, what else did I want?
After losing his partner, American designer Nate Berkus said:
You can stay stuck in grief or decide to loudly live your life because staying stuck is two tragedies.
That was what I wanted to experience, to loudly live my life in honor of my mum. She would have loved this idea.
My first mindset shift:
Stop thinking about feelings
I know it sounds strange, but we often find it easier to think about feelings than actually feeling them. I could identify the feelings, but feeling those damn things. Nope.
It was much easier to think about them instead. At the same time, I didn’t want two tragedies in my life, so I set to work on a mindset shift.
If we don’t feel our feelings, they don’t go away. They stay inside and fester, making life a lot worse and damaging our health into the bargain. Then we might seek a bandaid like overindulging in chocolate, (me) Netflix, or booze. You get the picture.
So I persisted in working on feeling the feelings and connecting to the emotions in as profound a way as possible. I knew I was releasing the emotional energy they carried by actively opening my heart. Before too long, I was feeling the sadness and loss and not just thinking about feeling it.
I won’t lie; it didn’t feel good in the moment, but in the long run, it was what needed to happen for my well-being. Mindset shifts can make all the difference in the world to manage the challenges the world throws your way.
This mindset shift isn’t only for loss. We can do it for most things. I know well enough that each passing season of life brings fresh challenges for us all. But be it heartache, worry, fear, scarcity, or just about anything, thinking about the feelings and not feeling them isn’t the way. Once you allow yourself to feel, whilst it’s uncomfortable, the sensations don’t last for more than a minute, and the relief will be well worth it. I found I could grieve and still live my life loudly.
My second mindset shift:
Blue sky thinking for mindset shifts
They commonly use this phrase in business circles, and it seems to relate to the concept of having an open mind, as wide as the blue sky, in terms of strategy discussions. Much like the ‘lateral thinking’ concept.
Regardless of people’s definitions, I practiced it from a spiritual standpoint long before I had heard of the term blue sky thinking.
Years ago, before I started my blog, friends and family had urged me to write about what I had learned about using practical spirituality to live a more meaningful and successful life. I demurred. My reasoning was I didn’t see myself as knowing enough; there was so much more to learn and test. Which was true, but it’s always true. With each new awareness and mindset, there’s always room for more expansion.
Finally, I reached a point in my development when I understood that by underestimating my capabilities I lived in a mindset of self-imposed limitations. Limiting myself like this wasn’t acceptable, so a new mindset needed to be implemented.
If you have imposed limiting beliefs about yourself in any area of your life, this is the mindset shift for you.
My practical spiritual method for blue sky thinking:
Imagine that all things are possible for you, with no limits. Then, go forward in time and imagine your life is ideal. Imagine how that feels. Hear what friends, colleagues, and family are saying: make no compromises with your dreams, and don’t settle for small goals or successes. Instead, make your goals as large as possible and mentally project yourself forward into that future reality as though you are powerful beyond measure. Which you are.
Resolve to practice this regularly, and something internally will motivate you to take action. An action you have never taken before. The more persistent you are, the clearer you are in your desires and dreams, then the quicker you will attract the people and events to help make that future a reality. This is genuine evidence of a mindset shift.
That is where I started. I now have a website dating back to 2011 and am the author of six books. All because of blue sky thinking.
My third mindset shift:
Outer distractions v inner directions
We’re all outer distracted for most of our day; after all, we have a life we need to manage, but sometimes the obvious distractions are the ones that get overlooked. We’re so used to them that we barely notice them. But our conscious mind sees and hears it all and passes it on to our inner subconscious world, where our ability to manifest lies. And it accepts everything our conscious mind feeds it as a request we’re looking to experience in our world.
Imagine that. On the other hand, don’t imagine that. It’s probably something you don’t want to continue! Instead, imagine some new mindset shifts coming your way.
Outer distractions such as social media, smartphones, websites that feed us negative information, news, and people who are constant complainers or mood destroyers fit the bill of outer distractions. And as we barely notice them anymore, they are feeding our minds with much of what we don’t want.
It took forever before I got this, but once I did, I was surprised and somewhat horrified at some of the outer distractions that held my attention. No wonder it was challenging to experience more of what I wanted and less of what was most definitely unwanted.
So I switched to the inner-directed method for a different, more holistic way of getting through what was holding me back from more tremendous success and happiness.
Naturally, I couldn’t invest my whole day directing my energy, thoughts, and feelings from within. But I made sure I fed my mind as much inner directed time as possible and reduced the outer distractions as much as possible. What a difference it made to my greater success and happiness.
I recommend you start slowly with all or any of these mindsets. This way, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed. As an added reward, it can be astonishing how fast your progress will be, and the only way you can find this out for sure is to begin.
Encourage one another.
Love Elle
xox
Latest posts by Elle Sommer (see all)
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- Holding Grudges And Bitterness Hurts You: Here’s How To Let Them Go - February 28, 2023
4 Comments
I love this one, Elle. I so agree that our mindset is one of the most powerful tools we have to take control of and change our lives. It certainly has transformed my life.
I have not seen it put quite this way before, but you are so right when you advise us to “quit thinking about our feelings and feel them.” The torment our minds put us through is often worse than the feelings we are trying to avoid!
You’ve hit the nail on the head Debbie. What a lovely way to put it: The torment our minds put us through is often worse than the feelings we are trying to avoid! Brilliant.
This is an inspiring article, Elle. I love Nate Berkus’ quote. And I agree wholeheartedly. When tragedy strikes, we have a. decision to make on how we live the rest of our life.
As you pointed out, our mindset can make all the difference. Your line, “If we don’t feel our feelings, they don’t go away,” is so true and can be what causes so many problems for people, especially men who have been trained not to feel.
Good point Cathy – I never really thought about it, until you mentioned it about men and feelings. I’m so glad you enjoyed the article.