[success]Real magic in relationships means an absence of judgement of others. ~ Wayne Dyer[/success]
Have you ever wondered why life isn’t working out quite the way you imagined? You expected to have something great happen…but it didn’t? Or at least it didn’t seem to.
Maybe it’s because you were doing the same thing I did.
I’m about to share a story that doesn’t leave me covered in glory or smelling of roses…more like the stuff that makes roses grow so sweet. Hmmm maybe there’s a story right there. Dig beneath the dirt, you never know what sweet thing you’ll uncover.
If you’d rather not hear about me being a miserable little toad…then read no further…but for all you brave souls..this is the rest of the story.
You already know that each evening, my Darling One and I write down our assumptions for the next day. They can be anything from I shot an 82…and yes that would be him and his golf score to my day was filled with happy outcomes. You’re right that would be me.
So there I am choosing to have a day filled with happy outcomes…but that’s not enough for miss ‘gotta up my game’. Oh no.
I decided to experiment with something else.
I’d been paying attention to how much we judge and was thinking that if we got up in the morning and didn’t judge how well we slept, or how our body felt or looked and, even better, if we stayed in the state of non judgement all day it might turn out to be the greatest day of our life.
More posts to come on this topic, it’s such a juicy one.
But, currently…isn’t there some conflict here? I’m not going to judge and yet I’m looking for happy outcomes. Hmmm. You know I do this stuff, so you don’t have to. Right? You can thank me later.
I’m not suggesting we don’t need to make judgements about things that keep us from harm or prevent us from harming others. I was thinking more along the lines of let’s not judge us, our anyone else or any thing today.
So I set my day up. Every time I found myself judging anything, as good, not so good or bad I was simply going to say to myself no judgement.
Do you have any idea how many times I had to say ‘no judgement’ to myself? It was an eye opener, believe me. I discovered how often I judged things as good, or not so good. And I think of myself as genuinely non judgemental. Apparently not so much.
I was equally looking for my happy outcomes. The sales assistants in the store were very kind and went out of their way to help me today. Yippee – happy outcome. Had good news about family who’ve been sick. Yippee happy outcomes.
Yes I count everything big or small…I love them all, and yes it’s judging. But…excuse to follow…I had to take a minute to choose things that signified happy outcomes; I had assumptions to fulfill. And then I let everything go and moved back into the state of everything simply is, my non-judgement place.
If it sounds as though there’s a conflict here…there most definitely is.
Let’s see what my consciousness does with it.
Yes…the subconscious will even manage to mix and match conflicting ideas. Might be worthwhile checking yours, just in case there’s a conflict.
And where does the miserable toad part come in? Right here.
Take a look at what my subconscious objectified in my world.
My Darling One decided we should do the American thing and go to the Fair, well he is an American after all so it comes naturally to him. And we should eat our way around it. More of a concept thing than a reality…not the Fair, the eating our way around it. But I confess to taking a bite out of his pizza, his baked potato, his pulled pork sandwich and his deep fried snickers bar.
The car park was jam packed but we found someone who was leaving, so we pulled over, indicating we were waiting for that space and waited. Just as the car pulled out, some other person calmly drove right into the slot we’d been waiting for like a couple of lemons.
Now, I’m not exactly Zen but I am usually a calm easy going…can’t get too excited about stuff like this, kind of gal. Not this time. This time, my dander was up. Bloody cheek I said. And reached over and honked the horn.
Didn’t make the slightest difference to our little parking spot hijacker. But boy did it upset the man on the other side of us. He started to yell and gesticulate. Couldn’t hear what he was saying, but in my state of high dudgeon I gesticulated back and basically said on your bike. The equivalent I think to get lost.
Not my finest moment. But it gets worse.
Another space looked as though it was about to open up…you guessed it, right next to angry man.
I said we should take it anyway.
By the time we parked the car, miserable toad remorse had set in. What on earth was wrong with me, getting worked up over a parking spot and behaving like a crazy woman. Aha, consciousness at work..but sometimes we just can’t see it.
I’m going to apologize I said.
And I did. Well I tried to.
Me. I’m so sorry, it wasn’t my intention to upset you.
Him. My son – he had two children in a stroller. Aargh, feeling worse now. My son has just had ear implants. Feeling even worse if that were possible.
Me. I’m truly sorry.
Him. Just because we’re young, people think they can do anything.
Me. I’m very, very sorry.
Him. Life has been hard and people like you, pointing at hubby and me, are..
He had no words to describe the awfulness of people like us...
And I have cerebral palsy.
Okay, I really am a miserable wretch. Shoot me now.
Me. I’m so sorry. I’m responsible for honking the horn, not my husband.
Me. I’m very sorry for upsetting everyone…that wasn’t my intention.
Him. Hearing me now.
Thank you for saying that. No-one has ever done that before, treated me with respect. It takes a big person to say sorry. I hope you have a great time at the fair. Can I give you a hug.
He had tears in his eyes. And so did I.
No happy outcomes there. I’m judging myself and it’s not pretty.
And then my Darling One pointed out there was a happy outcome…someone was validated, someone felt respected, someone experienced something unusual in their current life experience, someone felt better about themselves, someone had a smile on their face as we left.
There are times when we actually do get what we ask for…maybe not in the way we thought we would and maybe we behave totally out of character in order to accomplish it. The Universe really does move in mysterious ways. There are no errors.
I stopped judging and opened up the space to see the sweetness under the dirt.
I saw how we each contributed to one another’s life in different ways. By his willingness to receive my apology he gave me a gift, and my willingness to apologise and not stop until he received it, dissolved the barriers between us. We entered that beautiful state of co-operation and contribution.
Life is working perfectly and is always about what we bring to it in consciousness. Removing the barriers between us allows the full abundance of life to flow.
Of course it’s much easier if we don’t start our day with conflicting desires; and there are times when we have to deal with delicate situations that we’ve created, because our consciousness will always be expressed in our world.
Let’s learn from and support one another along the way.
I’d love to hear about any experiences YOU’VE had where something at first seemed awful, but on reflection it was simply a contribution to life.
I’m looking forward to reading your genius comments ‘cos I know you’ll have something fabulous to share.
Encourage one another.