We are designed to grow. But it isn’t always easy to let go of who you are and become who you want to be. Is it?
And we make it harder to do so because we keep hanging on to who we are.
We fall prey to our fears, insecurities and lack of worth all of which stop us in our tracks. Even when a part of you earnestly desires growth the conscious part of you might not be sure that this is a good idea.
But change isn’t something we can prevent; life continues its onward journey and doesn’t stop for any of us. Progress will have its way.
Personal growth does not always come easily, but you will never know what great things can happen unless you open up the space for new things.
Before moving on to bridging the gap between who you are and who you want to become, I want you to think about your habits of being in the world?
What I mean is what do you consistently think about, what do you believe and how do you see yourself?
It’s these habits that help or hurt in your desire to become who you want to be. In order to become, you first have to be. And it’s those old habits that you need to let go of. They have become your way of being in the world.
Here’s some practical recommendations that have helped me and might very well help you to more easily let go of who you are and become the one you want to be.
Take a step back
It might sound crazy but sometimes the easiest way forward is to take a step back and start over.
This gives you a major benefit that few people are willing to give themselves.
Freedom to see the world through fresh eyes. Freedom to choose a shift in attitude, and in how you see yourself (most important). In fact when anything in your current state of being doesn’t serve you well, you can construct a new reality.
A one surefire way to help you to become who you want to be.
When I say freedom to construct a new reality, of course I mean mentally. Everything you currently physically experience is as a result of your inner mental experiences as I mentioned. What you think about, accept as your truth, believe and feel all play a part in what you experience in your outer physical reality.
Being free from their grip supports you when you’re ready to let go of who you are and become the one you want to be
Let go of arguing for your limitations
We’ve all done this. As a former master in the art of arguing on behalf of my limitations, I know it’s possible to at least limit these arguments, if not downright let go of this habit altogether.
I could tell you that I think you are capable of anything you imagine. But I’m not going to because what I think doesn’t matter. It’s what you think that counts.
And whatever you’re thinking will grow. And your limitations aren’t what you want to keep growing if you are to be the one you want to be. If you keep seeing your world and yourself through the past lens of all that has been or gone wrong, nothing changes, nothing grows.
Those negative states of mind can, in the blink of an eye, corrupt the brilliant future you that awaits.
These days, I try to remind myself that when I argue for my limitations, I get to keep them.
Making sense of past pain helps to let go of who you are and become who you want to be
Often life throws us curveballs. Losses, hurt, broken hearts. And believe me having been someone who has lost a husband and brother to cancer and other losses, too numerable to mention, that have forced me to re-evaluate all I knew about life, I know of what I speak.
Despite the feeling that I was never going to feel okay again – often, sometimes years later, I would connect the many dots between the loss and the something wonderful that came out of it.
Disbelieving? I get it, I was definitely not a believer the first time I became aware of this. But eventually it became easier to see the patterns.
And I learned that I didn’t have to stay stuck in the cycle of pain or bewilderment, grief or sheer agony.
I say, by all means dive full force into whatever you feel, don’t push those feelings away. They matter for your health and well-being. But perhaps, when the time is right for you, you could start to say to yourself “I’m okay.” And you’d find yourself feeling a little better.
This then becomes a part of the one you want to be. Because at the end of the day isn’t that what we all want? To feel a bit better when life has felt so hard.
Letting go of the need for control of all things
We invest a lot of time and energy in trying to control what we have no control over. And I mean None with a capital N. We have no control over what others think or do. We have no control over when a situation will arise.
I’ve had times in life when I had no control over my dog, let alone the people in my life. Well okay I exaggerate a little to make my point! But you get the picture.
We do have some control in life though. We have control over us. The most important element to control. And by control I’m talking about the influence we have over ourselves.
This is the true power that allows us to experience events and people differently.
As Steve Mariboli says:
Sometimes letting go is simply changing the labels you place on an event. Looking at the same event with fresh eyes.
Ask yourself this: “How would my life be different if I was willing to do what it takes to move forward with the first step towards becoming the one I want to be.”
There are blueprints and maps and ideas everywhere. Find a model that resonates – it might not be mine. But know this you have to do the work.
Admittedly you cannot accomplish a lifetime of growth in a few weeks. But you can experience improvement within a few weeks’ time—and sometimes the improvement is quite dramatic.
Encourage one another.