Have you sometimes found it hard to stick up for yourself?
Have there been times when you found the idea of sticking up for yourself so uncomfortable or nerve wracking that you just kept quiet?
I know I’ve had those times.
Because truth be told it can be downright hard to find a way to stick up for yourself in some situations.
You might not have a problem sticking up for others…your brat of a little brother for instance, or your kids, or your friends, but…when it comes time to speak up for you..somehow you can’t find the right words.
Maybe you’d like to tell your partner it’s time to take a break from having vacations with the in-laws.
Or you might be really great at handling tough clients on the phone, but when you’d like to ask for a raise at work, suddenly you’re more lamb than lion.
And for some, there’s the conversation you need to have with your surly teenager about their attitude, or grades, or that it’s time they cleaned their room…but then again you remember all the hassle that come with those conversations!
I’ve had times when I should have told the person sitting next to me on a plane that it wasn’t cool to keep sneezing and coughing all over me…but I didn’t!
What we need is a shift in perspective..
1. Your mindset
Like everything in life sticking up for yourself always begins with your mindset. It’s like a two sided mirror…the outer world being a magnified version of the inner.
It’s hard to speak up for yourself when you don’t feel you are worthy. Don’t allow this mindset to be magnified until it crystallizes into others accepting this about you.
It’s easier to be willing to speak up with a mindset that you deserve to get what you’re asking for. And yes…you really do.
2. Your confidence
Once you embrace the mindset of “I deserve this” your confidence level rises so that even if you have to deal with a brutish bully, they will get the message you’re not to be messed with.
And you don’t have to yell or threaten, just believe in YOU.
When you’re confident enough to speak from the heart you’ll discover most people really will listen to what it is you want.
3. Your flaws
Stand up for your flaws. There are no perfect people, just flawed people who deserve to be loved and valued.
Don’t waste any time comparing yourself to others or wishing you were more like them.
When you can find beauty in your weaknesses and accept who you are and who you’re not, you will become the one you are capable of being.
And you’ll find it natural to stick up for yourself. After all you are so amazing!
4. Your quiet strength
You don’t have to shout to be heard. Soft words can move mountains and touch hard hearts.
People hear better when spoken to in a voice of love rather than authority. So temper your words, and keep calm. Unclench your fists, and direct your thoughts towards the outcome you want.
True strength and power isn’t about the volume of a voice. It’s about that sense of inner worth, believing in yourself, believing in your desires and remembering that great things happen from a quiet inside force.
5. Spiritually speaking
The idea that we can’t get what we want surrounds us on a daily basis. But what kind of belief is that? You’re not powerless. In fact you’re infinitely greater than you think.
We live in two worlds at the same time. The inner world of thoughts, beliefs and imagination and the outer world, which is our physical reality.
Our only failure is our inability to feed our inner world with the feeling that we are deserving and that our feelings and opinions are valuable. The evidence of this in your physical world will follow your consciousness that this is so. It can never come before it.
Everything follows consciousness, so assume and maintain the consciousness of your worth and your value and it will be that much easier for you to stick up for yourself.
It’s never too late to be all you can be and to have all you desire. You might not be where you want to be yet, but every day you’ll get closer. Keep assuming the best about yourself and life will express those beliefs in all your experiences.
Encourage one another.
Love Elle
xox
15 Comments
I’ve gone through so much angst trying to stand up for myself over the years, Elle. That’s why “self-sovereignty was my word of the year in 2016. I completely resonate with what you’ve said about shifting your mindset to one of worthiness and confidence. I found it so amazing how once I made the shift, the new mindset almost nourished itself and grew more and more. Although honesty, I had more challenges come up to test me. But that’s okay because they made me stronger.
I’m so glad you wrote about this. I wish everyone felt whole in themselves.
How wonderful Sandra…I know you’ll have held out hope for many who read this and aren’t really certain they can do it. Your word for last year is one we could all use a little more of. Love it! 🙂
I grew up in a neighborhood that did not encourage people to stick up for themselves, which kind of sucked. I learned to later on, when I moved out of my dead old little hometown, expanded my horizons through getting to know people of different backgrounds and viewpoints, thus changing my viewpoints by quite a bit, in some ways. When I had a creep of a supervisor who was brought in to reflect certain changes in the company where I’d worked for 16 years, I ended up filing a grievance against her, and I was proud of having been strong enough to stick up for myself. I was more than glad to have moved out of that bucolic but dead little town that I grew up in, meet new and different people, and learn different ways of thinking and acting.
I was just speaking with someone about this over the weekend. Funny how we can absolutely come to the defence of someone else but are not so good at putting boundaries in place for ourselves. Some great tips here to discover what might be holding us back <3
Hi Allanah, you are so right..I’ve noticed over the years that it seems to be a real challenge for many of us… me included. And it can take a while to change the mindset that allows us to find ways to stand up for ourselves that resonate with our individual uniqueness. 🙂
It’s assuring to know that it is never too late and that we can begin now to make a shift. Standing up for one self is definitely an important lesson that anyone should learn. As Sandra said, it serves to make us stronger.
Hi Evelyn…thanks for stopping by…your presence is so very welcome. 🙂
That’s right. Sticking up for oneself makes us stronger, not weaker.
I love this: “When you can find beauty in your weaknesses and accept who you are and who you’re not, you will become the one you are capable of being.” That’s what it’s all about. When we accept our own flawed selves – warts and all, then we can come from a place of power and stand up for ourselves. But not until then.
Thanks for this wonderful post.
Hi Debbie…thank you for your kind words…I’m so happy you enjoyed the post. 🙂
Elle- that was me yesterday. Thanks for this post as it reflects how I was feeling yesterday and yes mindset is the key- my mastermind reminded me of that xxx
Elle, this is such a necessary topic to shed light on. We all have been in the dormant state many a times…when we shouldve been standing up for what we believe in. I’ve learned that over time, I’m becoming more and more bold with stating my opinions and needs. Some might like it, some might not….oh well the world will ultimately adjust 😉
xoxo, Z~
Hi Zeenat…awesome you. Love the idea of your boldness in self care…and had to laugh at the idea that the world will ultimately adjust! 🙂
Lovely article, Elle. I used to have a problem sticking up for myself, but what I actually find as I get better at sticking up for myself is that many of the things I thought I needed to stick up for, aren’t important to me. So I stick up for myself less and less, but when I do, i do it more and more:)
Hi Mark…that’s so true my friend. Once you begin to value yourself and stand up for what matters to you, the insignificant things fall away. Thanks for sharing your wisdom. 🙂