Updated August 2022

It’s not easy to spot the behavior that’s killing our spirit.

But try checking this out. How often have you stopped feeling good about yourself in this world of ups and downs, highs and lows?  Does it sometimes feel that everyone is doing better than you?

And what about those mornings where you might even find yourself wondering why you should bother getting up?  Sigh!

You know doing something will make you feel better, but you just don’t know what that is.  And before too long, you find yourself in a downward spiral; you don’t know how to get back on track, and it’s killing your spirit.

It doesn’t matter if it’s your business, financial, or relationship success; once that spiral of negativity and despondency begins, so does the negative, critical voice in your head that won’t shut up.  

It makes it nigh impossible to step into the mindset that keeps you UP when life is bringing you DOWN.

And worse, any self-esteem you had begins to swirl its way down the drain of despair.

So what should you do?  You can’t simply sit there pondering the unfairness of life while your doubts and fears continue to wreak havoc.  Instead, let’s eradicate the behavior that’s responsible for killing your spirit.

5 Ways to Eradicate Behavior That’s Killing Your Spirit

1. The biggest hurdle

You want to live in such a way that you get whatever it is you truly need. Right?

Yet, a huge part of your life is spent imagining the worst that can happen and the consequences that lead to more misery and less success in the areas that are important to you.

It’s time you stepped back from your fears and worries and realized that one of the biggest hurdles to overcome is not what you fear but the very fact that you are afraid. 

Being afraid leads you to take actions that you would never take were you occupying a mindset of confidence and the expectancy of something great happening.

Consistently feeling scared isn’t just you experiencing anxiety; it’s permanently living in it. And I speak from experience when I say this is awful. It becomes a way of life, influencing everything you feel and do. And keeps you from living the fulfilling life you deserve. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle of misery. Although having said that, I also speak from experience when I say that fear has sometimes been so incredibly miserable that it’s driven me to find another way.

Sometimes you just have to feel scared and take action anyway.  It’ll either work or it won’t.  That’s how you grow.

2. Live the future you create

You are a force to be reckoned with, and you don’t deserve to allow your setbacks, regrets, or mistakes to punish you forever.

Give yourself a break and remember that one of the challenges of pursuing the life that you want isn’t that there is simply no competition.

Your life will never get better because somebody else failed. Nor will it get worse because somebody else succeeded.

It’s critical for your long-term happiness to see contentment and success only in personal terms and not relate it to how others are doing. The best competition for growth, success, and happiness is competing with who we were yesterday and the day before.

The choices you make today will guide you toward your future. Don’t fear judgment from others.  There’s no need to justify yourself…you will be living with the future you create.  It’s up to them to create their own.

5 Ways to Eradicate Behavior That’s Killing Your Spirit

3. Switch your manufacturing unit

Everyone has a fantastic manufacturing unit, chugging along merrily…well, not always merrily…sometimes it’s chugging along miserably.  We use this manufacturing unit to create suffering in our life.

It’s called a mind!  

And the biggest problem is that when it has no direction from you, it changes directions every moment.

Imagine if you walked somewhere and kept changing your direction every couple of steps, the chances of you getting to where you wanted to go would be…well, remote…unless it happened accidentally.  And living life accidentally with all that entails makes no sense when you can live it on purpose.

4. Keep these points in mind

You want to eradicate the behavior that kills your spirit, don’t you?


1. Be conscious of what you’re thinking. Your future is being created with the thoughts you’re thinking right now.

2. Change your reactions to any current experiences that aren’t going your way.  If you’re struggling with money, or career, or within a relationship; if you’re sick or looking for a job or a lasting love, don’t waste your time fighting against anything or feeling sorry for yourself.


3. Set up a daily ‘inner creating’ time, free from life’s usual demands and distractions.  This is where you begin to switch your manufacturing unit away from misery and towards gladness.  This is the place where you fan the inner sparks of possibility into the full-blown fires of success.

4. Wait for it to happen.  You might doubt that anything is changing. You may feel discouraged, and you can be sure your old mindset will try to fool you by insisting nothing will happen.

Don’t listen.

Reality is a process, a continuous happening, always changing. And your newly created thoughts and ideas, if persisted in, will become your new reality.

Your life will change naturally, and you will change naturally, so relax and enjoy your creating time.

5. Beautify your inner world, and you’ll stop killing your spirit

Do your best to beautify the words you speak to yourself, and fill your inner world with light, love, and joyfulness. And as you elevate your inner game, you are creating a firm connection of heart, mind, and spirit in your world.

And don’t allow anyone or anything to rob you of your inner joy.  Be your own best friend, be true to yourself and your desires.

You’ll discover life will respond in kind.  It’s what it does!

The creation of something new in your world can’t be accomplished by the intellect alone but by the peace and expectations you carry within.  A peaceful life stems from a peaceful heart. Practice compassion towards yourself and others, and you will soon see that glimmer of a new world ahead of you.

You’ve got this!

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. I especially love the idea of beautifying your inner world! It all comes down to the mind, doesn’t it. Our behavior depends upon what we think and belief.

    • I knew you’d really ‘get it’ Sandra…it always comes down to the mind. It seems to me that once we are able to manage our mind properly, our whole world becomes beautiful. 🙂

  2. Like Sandra, I enjoyed the tip on beautifying our inner world. If we kill our spirit on the inside, it will be challenging to see the beauty outside. It all boils down to self-love.

    • Hi Evelyn…thank you. You make a good point, the way we see ourselves and feel about ourselves makes a whole lot of difference to the way we experience the world. 🙂

  3. I love the analogy of changing the direction your walking in every couple of minutes for the way we let an unguided mind lead us astray. That point is so important. When you control your mind, you control your life.

    • Hi Debbie…as we know it’s simple to say and not always easy to do…the controlling of the mind that is. But having techniques in place to do that really helps me a lot. Hopefully you too. 🙂

  4. Hi Elle, I love your reminder to “Be your own best friend, be true to yourself and your desires.” This is the place to start to have a peaceful outlook on life. Thanks for the inspiring post!

    • So glad you enjoyed it Cathy…and that point about being our best friend is so true. We’d never treat our friends the way we sometimes treat ourselves. 🙂

  5. Little Swiftwind

    Hi Elle,

    It’s nice to see you again. And Thanks for writing this article. I read it coming from place of pain, (which can make it hard to take in information). That’s why I especially like point number 4, where you broke it down and simplified it even more. And then followed it with beautiful point number 5. This article will be very useful to me. Much Love to you.

    • Lovely to have you back Little Swiftwind. I’m so happy the article was helpful for you and I truly apreciate you coming by to let me know. 🙂

  6. You really pulled me up short with your wonderful words ” living life accidentally” instead of “living on purpose”. What a great and easily identifiable way to look at how our thoughts are affecting our spirit – it’s a little too easy to lose our way and trundle along blandly and then gently slide into feeling jaded or lost – they’re not our spirits’ happy place, for sure. Thank you for these great reminders.

    • Thanks for stopping by Laura and sharing your words of wisdom. So appreciated. 🙂

  7. Just found your website and I absolutely love it. I really needed to read this one, funny how people come into your life when you need them the most. Thank you!

    • I love this and I will need you to put me more to it, God bless you.

  8. I just joined your website and agree so much with the concept of inner happiness. I have made a lot of positive changes in my life as far as being more compassionate with myself. However I still suffer from anxiety and depression. Sometimes just the idea of changing your thoughts is not enough by itself to eliminate symptoms of mental illness. I would welcome any suggestions that could be helpful. I am on medication that helps some. Thanks for input.

    • Hi Lynne and welcome to the community. I so agree with you that changing your thoughts isn’t enough when dealing with mental illness. I think it’s imperative to take care of the physiological elements of our body that also lead to depression which is why seeking professional help should always be the first step when dealing with challenges that go far beyond those whose thoughts dwell more on that’s wrong than what’s right with life.

      Kudos to you for getting the help you need. I’m not a professional and wouldn’t dream of giving advice dear one. I write only about what I know, what I see and what personally works for me.

      Wishing you well on your journey. 🙂

  9. Thank you Elle. I find a lot of the ideas here very helpful. Being mindful and aware of my thoughts lessens my anxiety. I also find that when I listen to the wise voice inside I counteract the negative thoughts. It does take practice so I will stay with it. I try to remember “That This Too Shall Pass.”

    • Hi Lynne…it’s sometimes challenging to remember that we are not our minds, or our thoughts…and I love that you can hear that wise voice inside and remember that whatever is happening in your life right now will pass. Not too many can do that. Bravo dear heart. 🙂

  10. Sam Breen

    What a wonderful article.
    The Biggest Hurdle – reminded me of a time when my wife was whittling back and forth on having a slice of our granddaughter’s birthday cake when suddenly the granddaughter loudly advised her ” Just Eat It !” In other words, just take action.
    Switch Your Manufacturing Unit – “living life accidentlly” , oh my stars, I have a client who does this and drifts from crisis to crisis acknowledging that although he is the only constant in all these mishaps that is always definitely not his fault !
    Beautify Your Inner World – Yes ! We have to stand guard on what we let into our minds !
    Thank you, Elle !

    • Hi Sam – you made me laugh with the story about your wife and the slice of cake. Sadly, I’m probably the one who wouldn’t need to be told to ‘just eat it’ it would already have been eaten! So glad you got so much out of this article.

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