Have you ever asked yourself, what’s wrong with me?

I know I have a few times over the years.

So many of us spend far too much time thinking there’s something wrong with us. We’re not good enough, we should be doing better, and for some it’s a much deeper sense of being damaged goods.

We often don’t realise that the reason we’re having a challenging time with life is because we’ve stopped liking who we are.

We turn against ourselves, we tell ourselves ‘I don’t fit in, I’m too different’, and this beautiful person that is you suffers a slow, downward slide from a positive mind set to one of negativity and loss of self-confidence.

Learn to listen to a better voice

There is no good reason to keep your attention on the things you don’t want.

The universe might be made up of atoms, but your personal universe is also made up of your stories. The things you say to yourself, the things you think no-one knows about.

But we do.

We know what you tell yourself in secret because we see it in your life experience, we see it in your happiness or misery, we see it in your successes or your failures.

The stories you tell yourself, the way you choose to think is a major factor in how life turns out. The thoughts you continually think will either build you up or tear you down.

It’s a no brainer…

Imagine how much happier your life would be if you followed the practices of successful people and built yourself up.confidence

The champions in our world develop empowering beliefs and invest a lot of time cementing them, mostly through their own self-talk. Step into an empowered state of mind and bring YOUR dreams to life.

Today might be a good day to devote some time to thinking of things that are great about you. Or things you feel happy about. Write them down, it only takes a minute. But do it every day.

You’ll soon know if it’s working when you notice yourself spending less time feeling critical and more time feeling happy and confident. You’re developing the mind set of champions.

Take a sip of a secret elixir

There’s a secret potion you can sip every day. It’s from the cup of gratitude.

Empty your cup of misery, of victim-hood of self-pity, of not feeling good enough, of the idea that there’s something wrong with you and fill your cup with the magical elixir of gratitude.

So much has been written about gratitude. But most of it is ‘gratitude lite’.

The truth is that it’s an immensely powerful force for good in your life and under utilized by most of us.  Research by  psychologists Robert Emmons and Michael McCullough, discovered that people who consciously focused on things to be grateful for experienced greater emotional well-being, physical health and improved relationships.

The operative word here is consciously. Deliberate and determined focus to integrate gratitude into your daily life becomes an endless wellspring of nourishment for your heart and soul.

Too often we don’t live in a way that gives us what we really need. You can get more of everything when you participate fully in the act of gratitude.

Make a choice that you will start acknowledging all the good in your life. “If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you. It will be enough” said Meister Eckhart, the German philosopher and mystic.

Because everything you say, everything you feel, everything you think produces an effect in your world. When you appreciate and are grateful for what you have and who you are right now, what you have increases and who you are becomes greater.

If you want to live a more contented, abundant life (and who doesn’t?) there are specific disciplines you have to master first. The easiest of them all is the regular practice of gratitude.

Practice thinking about all the good things that happened in the day, look for good news, the things that went well. By speaking words of gratitude over your days you bring more things for you to be love and be grateful for. Gratitude is the foundation of all abundance and self-confidence in your world.

Practice being grateful ahead of time. As children we were taught a prayer before dinner, the one meal we all had together: “For what we are about to receive may the Lord make us truly thankful”. That was my first glimpse into being grateful for something I hadn’t yet received.

Expand this.

Try being grateful for the day ahead of you, picturing what a remarkably happy, successful day it was and you’ll discover it has a dramatic impact on the way your day unfolds. It’s one of the the simplest confidence boosters I know.

The moment you stop doubting and actively seek things to be grateful for is when you truly find the rich and fulfilling life you seek.

Make a pact with yourself

Do you remember how difficult it was to learn to drive?  I learned on a stick-shift and it was overwhelming at first. There were so many things to pay attention to and yet it was something I needed to do, wanted to do and had to do and this is the feeling you need to experience in your life.

Life is about finding something you need, want and have to do, then regardless of the overwhelm, do what you did when learning to drive. Practice. That’s how you become the best and and greatest driver of your life.  You practice. That’s how bird’s learn to fly.confidence

That’s how we learn reading, writing, playing the piano.  Anything.

Work on your personal programme of self-love, self-mastery and growth and make a pact with yourself that you will make choices that cultivate the most powerful expressions of your heart and spirit and fuel the fire of your confidence.

And then stay away from people who don’t support you in being the greatest you possible.

Spiritually speaking

Your life expresses one thing, your state of consciousness. Which consists of your self-talk, your view of yourself, your beliefs and feelings. Never underestimate the power of your inner conversations.

You must choose the state of mind that fulfills your desires; the one that brings greater self-confidence and joy and success, or you will continue to get what you currently have, by default.

And then be patient, be resolute, and remain steadfast in holding the ideal you dream of until you begin to see signs of it becoming a reality.

The real moves in the game of life don’t take place in the outer world of reality but in the inner world of thought, feeling and imagination.  Live life like it matters and give the inner game of life all you’ve got. You deserve nothing less. Your world deserves nothing less.

As always I appreciate you being here. It’s always great to hear from you. Let’s travel our journey of life together.  

Encourage one another.

Love Elle


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Gratitude is so powerful! It’s so good to see how science backs this up too. Meditation always helps me when I’m feel at a loss. It resets my system and creates a space so positive self-talk can do its work. Thanks for the inspiration, Elle.

    • ElleSommer

      It’s so true Sandra. I’ve experienced great things simply from practicing gratitude on a daily basis. Meditation isn’t the first place I turn to, though I do meditate daily. Maybe I should begin the practice of using meditation to reset my system. I certainly resonate with the idea. I so appreciate you taking the time to share it. 🙂

  2. Always be grateful when people try to help you, or you will lose something priceless, a woman’s love. I speak from experience.

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Ron and bravo for sharing with such honesty. I’m so sorry things didn’t turn out the way you’d like and I so agree that we have to appreciate every blessing in our life, love, joy, support – the whole nine yards. I wish you every blessing on your path. 🙂

  3. I can fully relate to what you have written. In the hustle and bustle of life, one often forgets to be grateful for what one has in life. I never thought about the good in life and it had been easy to focus on the bad. I am on a mission to change though as I am fully aware of the power of gratitude. I am in fact starting to make it my goals to meditate and also express my gratitude on the daily basis (as in my blog). Reading your article is a good reminder for me to remember all that I do have and be thankful for it all.Thank you for this.

    • ElleSommer

      Sounds like you’re on a good path towards a truly happy and fulfilling life TM and I wish you every blessing on your journey.

      I’ve come to realise over the years that gratitude is more than a feeling, it’s a spiritual act. The act of giving thanks continuously often generates acts of kindness towards others, as thankful people tend to pay their gratitude forward. It’s amazing how many blessings return to them as a result.

      I do appreciate you sharing your thoughts with us. Thank you. 🙂

  4. Love this post on confidence, Elle. Gratitude can make such a difference in how you view the world. What has helped me is to list things I’m grateful for when I’m journal writing. It is a great reminder of what is going well and to appreciate the big and the little things in life. Thank you for a wonderful article.

    • ElleSommer

      That’s a favourite of mine too Cathy. I include it with my daily journal and when you look back through the years, it’s amazing how many things there have been to be grateful for. Big and small being thankful for them all makes all the difference in my day. I so appreciate you sharing your practice with us. 🙂

  5. Yes Elle I know when I meditate I become stronger and tap into my inner knowing- my heart whispers 🙂 What jumped out for me me was have patience- maybe my biggest teacher- thank you xxoo

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Suzie…it seems meditation is a big key for many of us and I love the way you put it, your heart whispers. That’s just what happens isn’t it, a very soft voice speaks and it always speaks truth. As for patience…I know of what you speak. I’ve had to curb my impulsive ways…often! 🙂

  6. Joseph Appaloosa

    Elle, I don’t know how you do it but you do ! Or rather I do know, because it’s me not you !
    Don’t be confused – what I’m working at saying is that your article was perfect for me at this time.
    A brief but strong physical illness had knocked me for a loop and with that distraction I let my mental guard down and the next thing I knew I was on that “slow downward slide” you mentioned. Oh my stars, I was circling the drain and about to be swept away . . . and then this article arrived full of your trademark hope and Love. I was so happy and grateful to have received it and to put it to use straightaway ! My self-talk is back to being encouraging, positive and Loving ! ! ! Thank you for the timely reminder and tips !
    Write on, Elle !

    • ElleSommer

      I love it when ‘synchronicity’ happens Joseph. How wonderful that I happened to be the messenger that brought the encouragement you were clearly asking for. The Universe works in wonderful ways and I feel truly happy that you are back to being your encouraging positive self. You must be awesome to be around. 🙂

  7. Thanks Elle for this awesome reminder. Too many times I find myself caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and forget how much I have to be grateful for. Practicing gratitude should come naturally but unfortunately I can’t seem to remember until someone as special as you are remind me to slow down and be grateful.

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Rose. Nice to ‘see’ you again. You make a good point. One for us all to remember, it’s far too easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle of life, taking everything for granted that we lose sight of the amazing things we have to be grateful for. This is why I’ve created a gratitude daily ritual. Then I always know I’ve lived in the energy of gratitude and appreciation some time every single day. 🙂

  8. Hi, another beautiful post. We should all learn to enhance the habit of being grateful in every little thing because it makes a big difference in our life. Thanks for sharing. Great Post.

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Sherill… love that we’re so often in sync! 🙂

  9. Great post, and I totally agree that gratitude can boost your confidence. When things seem bleak and your confidence has taken a dive, just taking time to reflect on everything you’ve achieved can give you an instant lift.

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Kathy, and welcome. I do love the way you put this, that reflecting on life’s achievements can give an instant lift. It’s sad that far too many are more likely to dwell on what they didn’t accomplish or make happen, or they forget how far they’ve come. Nicely said. 🙂

  10. Hello Elle,

    while I agree with what you wrote and I practice it myself. I must say that some situations in life (e.g. serious depression or grief) are not as easily resolved, even if you are grateful. There is definitely more needed in some cases and for some people.
    In general though, a lot of people who complain all day long and do not put their life into perspective, it is surely advisable to change their focus. 🙂

    • Hi Ella…I couldn’t agree more. I seriously doubt that depression and I know definitely grief aren’t touched much, if at all, by gratitude. But as you point out there are many for whom a sprinkling of gratitude in their life would do wonders. 🙂

  11. Thanks for posting such helpful article.I am glad that I came across such article .To boost your self confidence it very important to keep faith in yourself.These tips would be really helpful for those who lack confidence.Thanks for sharing such informative article.

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