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There’s nothing quite like a little bit of encouragement. Your world might be falling apart in ways none of us can know, you might be struggling for a goal that’s just a fingertip away and all that’s needed are those gentle words of encouragement to fan the flame of courage within. It doesn’t take much to lift spirits and support another to fulfill a dream.
I love encouragers…I love being one, I love listening to them, I love hearing from them and this is why I have an encourager of the month to help us all to fly higher than ever before. This month it’s my dear friend, SEO internet genius, website designer extraordinaire, and certified reiki master, Vanita Cyril.
Here’s Vanita’s gift from her heart to yours:
I’ve had that feeling of being “secure” in many things in my short life – relationships, finances, routines – and I’m always so surprised when I’m hit with the reality that nothing is certain.
Nothing.
One minute you swear you have it all figured out and the next minute you’re wondering how you’ll feed your family or if your spouse is ever coming back.
A left turn at an intersection, a tone misunderstood, a decision made halfway across the nation, can lead to cracks in your beautiful world that you’ve worked so hard to create for you. Nothing can last forever. And you know what? That’s okay.
I’ve learned something better is coming. From experience and the help of loved ones, I’ve learned to have faith that my world will be better. I know it’s hard to remember to have faith, when everything is falling apart and feels out of your control. But I’ve survived and gone on to see my world crumble and rebuild many times, and so can you. So. Will. You. Life is a journey and I hope my steps to surviving can help you in what feels like the darkest of moments.
But I’ve survived and gone on to see my world crumble and rebuild many times, and so can you.
14 Steps to surviving when your world falls apart
1. Feel the misery.
Yes, I want you to cry, shout, growl, throw a tantrum – whatever needs doing to get the first wave of pain out.
2. Breathe.
Deep breaths can help settle the mind, calm the soul.
3. Confide in a friend.
Don’t try to go it alone. A supportive friend will do wonders for you. They’ll listen to your woes, empathize and then empower you to get moving.
4. Slow down.
Reschedule appointments, unplug from the net, let the voicemail get it. Anything that can wait for tomorrow, should. Care for you first.
5. Say no.
If it’s non-essential to your well being, you do not have to do it. Don’t allow family, community or businesses ties make you feel pressured. You can say no.
6. Sleep in.
If this is what your body tells you to do, do it. Your body only asks for what it needs. Everything else can wait.
7. Ladies, give yourself a manicure, Guys, get with the shaving.
A little bit of personal care goes a long way in making you feel fresh and ready to face a new day.
8. Get Grateful.
Even when life gets tough, I remind myself that once upon a time, it was worse and I think of those who are not as fortunate as me. Take stock in the beautiful things you have going for you. Loved ones, food, a roof, all of your toes…
9. Make a plan.
When your world crumbles, you can be left not knowing what to do next. Now that you’ve cared for you, and you’re ready to face a new day, armed with knowing you have lots to be grateful for, a plan is in order. A plan to get what you need to put your world back together, starting from where you are now (don’t dwell on where you were).
10. Call friends to help with the plan.
These friends don’t need to know the down and dirty. What they need to know is that you need help. A sitter while you go on job interviews, a bar night to take your mind off the cheating fiancé, lookouts for a new apartment, etc. This is what you task these friends with. Don’t be shy. Remember, no one’s life is perfect and you may be called on to be a friend for someone who’s hurting later on.
11. Create your own mantra.
Belief and faith are powerful things. Creating a mantra that reminds you that yes, you will get what you’re seeking – a new job, a new home or true love – will give you the motivation you need to keep going.
12. Take the first step.
You’ve got your plan, you’ve got your allies, you know you can do this, time to get moving.
13. Take another step and another and another.
Keep going, your old world wasn’t built in a day, this new world won’t be built in a day, but every step is a building block.
14. And always remember, this too shall past.
In the comments below, we’d love to hear from you.
What’s helped you get through those dark nights of the soul?
Got any tips or techniques to add to Vanita’s?
As always, thank you so much for reading and sharing!
Feel encouraged? Great, now let’s encourage one another.
Love Elle
Latest posts by Vanita Cyril (see all)
- How To Survive When Your World Falls Apart - August 22, 2013
36 Comments
Thank you for having me sis. It truly is an honor to be here and I appreciate the opportunity to share something that’s not about blog traffic :-D.
(designer extraordinaire…ooh I like that!)
xoxo
Vanita
😀
Vanita, my little internet queen and guru…I know you have much wisdom to share and will touch many a heart with hope and encouragement and that’s what life, for me, is all about. Encouragement is a vital part of our human condition, it’s the hand that’s held out when we’re sitting in the dark, not even wanting to move towards the light…and I know because I’ve been there, in that pitch blackness.
We all experience life in our wonderfully unique ways, we all hear, or in this case, read, things differently, everything gets filtered through our own consciousness of life, and although we might be saying the same things, the ‘voice’ that we use is always different and I know that if someone doesn’t hear it the way I tell it, they might very well ‘hear’ it through your words and your heart.
Thank you for being here and bringing some fresh insights to someone’s heart and our wonderful community. 🙂
Hi Elle and Vanita! Thanks for your words of encouragement. I agree that there is something very special AND powerful about encouraging one another–especially when you are going through though times. Just knowing there are people out that that “have you back” can make all the difference. Of course, as you know it is equally important for our supporters to also be there to congratulate us and help us celebrate when things are going good….A true friend will do that as much or more than commiserate when things go wrong. Thanks again for all your advice. ~Kathy
Hi Kathy!
I can honestly say that my friends deserve major credit for me being able to make it through the tough times. They also deserve kudos for encouraging to do even better when times are good. Thanks for reading and for your kind words.
Vanita
What gets me through? Crying…and I’m only kidding a wee bit! 😉
What I mean is letting out whatever emotion is coming up due to the falling apart. For me it hasn’t mattered much what the circumstances were, it was being able to express my emotions around it – the good, bad and the ugly. Once they’ve been expressed, there always seems to be a bit more room in my system, and that’s always a good thing!
Sandi, Yes! I totally agree. I believe that letting it out is very much allowing yourself to release it. To let it go. It may not all go at once (i mean really, when does that happen?), but it’s a pretty darn good start. Thanks for sharing.
Vanita
Hi Vanita,
A year ago my 23 year old son died suddenly so I know what it is to have your world fall apart. Your suggestions are among the many I discovered as a way to manage my grief and carry on. How can you know these unless you too have had your world fall apart? What happened to you?
Lori
Ah Lori, I’ve had so many ups and downs and really low downs in life, my oldest girlfriend once asked me, “V, I’ve got to wonder, how much more does God expect you to take? Is God waiting to see how much it will take to break you or trying to make you stronger?”
However, they do not compare to your tragedy sister. I have 4 children. I hope to never have to prove myself as strong as you. Hugs girlfriend.
Vanita I don’t know about proving anything (unless you count being disappointed in yourself as something to prove). I’m aware that what “happened” to me is not the worst thing that can happen. But I don’t wish it on anyone. Four children – what a wonderful life you have!
to be honest Lori, in my world, losing one of my children would be THE worst thing that can happen and thankfully has not happened to me. I cherish everyday I have them because we did almost lose our son. Being there every moment has become the driving force behind everything hubby and I do now. I’m sorry for your loss and I apologize if this post has offended you. I have not pretended to be able to help someone who’s experienced a worse loss than me and my intention was not that i could help everyone, but I do hope this post reaches at least one person who can benefit from it.
Vanita, you did not offend me and I didn’t mean to suggest that you had anything but value to offer. I was asking what your loss was because you seem to have a good amount of tools for dealing with loss.
I’m sure this post will help people!
<3
Lori
i am truly happy to know that. the downside of this internet thing is that it lacks true facial expressions and body language 😀
You’ve touched on something important Lori, that I think is sometimes missing in our personal development world. It’s easy to give advice and “coach” others but unless you have some way of connecting to what they’ve gone through – either your own experiences or if you’re very empathic – that advice will sound like noise, and will not make the difference!
Wow Sandi – I know experience makes you (hopefully) empathetic, but what a price to pay. It seems impossible to really understand what someone else is going through even if your experience is related. There has to be another way to understanding rather than the path of experience.
I feel as if I’m on the other side of a fence I never wanted to vault. But now that I’m here I have to figure out what to do about it.
A good question for all of us when we get to the other side of the fence, “now what?” That’s the only place we have any power.
Vanita, you know I am in awe of how you pulled yourself out of that dark place when things fell apart. And look at your now. You are where you should be. Love your amazing suggestions.
ahh thank you my girlfriend. it always makes me smile to see your avatar.
Ummm…excuse me? Vanita?
You *are* a a writer. And a good one at that. Cat’s out of the bag, lady. xo
can you believe it? hahaha. when you speak from the heart, corrections aren’t needed.
You are a born survivor, that’s what you are, Vani. I am privileged to be called “sis” by you and I love that your bounce rate is high. 🙂 “Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together” is my own mantra. After wallowing for a bit, I like to shake it off and move on to much better things – because I think my energy is better spent on recovery. You know I am dealing with a minor crisis right now, but heck, I know this too shall pass. Most of the time, it is a question of how long our minds take to adjust to a situation. Acceptance, and the belief that all will be well is the crux of the matter for me, usually.
What a rocking post! What could I add? My alternate favorite is – get in the kitchen and make a chocolate cake. The very fact that the inch of moist cake mix in the tray results in a four inch fluffy delicious indulgence alone lifts my spirits. I also find vacuuming cathartic. And if I feel like doing neither, I am out for a brisk walk with my camera. Always works.
My worst moment so far was losing my Mother. I think if I can cope with that, everything else is a breeze.
Hugs Vani!
Dearest Elle, such a beautiful post by Vani, no? Thank you so much.
sis? chocolate cake? me bake? hahaha i’d make my worries worse by burning down the house.
love you to death sis and i am blessed to have you as family.
I have not suffered tragedy, but I do on occasion feel sorry for myself. You have been instrumental in getting me back on track and focused so many times. I would always follow your advice.
its easy with your my sistah. i believe in you. you are awesomeness and will definitely make amazing impact on people’s lives. you just have to believe it too.
Vanita and Elle-
Elle – first, I owe you baskets of ‘gratitude’ for introducing me this chick known as Vanita. To say she is a force of nature is an understatement.
Now to you Vanita – what can I say? The post is written in the vocie of someone who has lived through and survived when their world has fallen apart. You, my dear friend, are a miracle of nature. Your groundedness, humour, kindness, generosity, PATIENCE, and sassiness are some of the traits that make you such a unique individual. I’ve never heard the phrase ‘get grateful’ – love it. And who else would have suggested sleeping in or getting a manicure? You’re keepin’ it real – which is one the things I love about you. -It’s a privilege to have you in my life –
awww thank you for the kind words Fran. i am very very lucky to have met you too. you have opened my eyes to many things. You don’t know it, but there are many methods I’ve adapted from your posts that help me tremendously when my creativity seems to have went on vacation.
Vanita,
So sorry you had to go through some tough times. But I couldn’t agree more that you’re just bringing yourself to better times in the not so distant future. I love your tips. I especially try to find gratitude when going through tough times. And I’d like to add humor. Elle, thanks for sharing Vanita’s post.
Thank you both!
xoxo
Betsy
Betsy! Thank you for your kind words. I did want to add “watch a comedy” only because i avoid romances, horror flicks and dramas when I’m down. 😀 (maybe i should have added avoid romances, horror flicks and dramas) I’m sure you can agree that without the tough times, we wouldn’t be able to appreciate how good life can be. Vanita
Hi Vanita,
These are all excellent tips. I especially like the last one. We tend to want to get out of our slumps very quickly. I tend to step up all of my spiritual principles when my life gets interrupted. It may be the last thing I feel like doing but it’s the best thing I can do. Thanks Elle for sharing Vanita’s wisdom.
yes, sometimes we’re feeling too lost to know what to do next, but if we take it one step at a time, i believe we can make it. Nice seeing you Tess!
Yes, indeed! So important to “feel the misery” for a little bit. You have to lance the boil, let out the poison of the anger, hurt, bitterness that often accompanies a lost job, a lost love or a lost fortune. I used to do 6 months of feeling the misery but I like Tampa Bay Rays Skipper Joe Madden’s system and use it now. He tells his players to celebrate a victory for 20 minutes, then move on; mourn a defeat for 20 minutes, then move on. For a death, divorce or going broke, might take a bit longer but really let it out and then get on with it!
Rev! mi amigo! I agree that we should definitely let it out and then start moving forward.
Hi
I only want to add that the best way out of a traumatic experience is to dedicate yourself to service to others,especially to those who are less privileged than you.It pays in the long term;though in the immediate nature of things you want to let the grief out some other way.
Service and the effort to bring a smile to others is the way out.
Thanks
Mona
Wow, Vanita, what an awesome post! Thank you and thank you Elle!
I love encouragers and I used to be one myself until I fell to the dark side and went along with society. Without them, this oh-so-serious world would be such hell. At least that is what it is made. Hunter-gatherers laugh and do not take life so seriously, and I am sure cavemen had humor and partied, so this “evolution” to supposed “civilization” led to this weird sickly state where everything is literal and grave and this is not truly the case.
Calling upon the universe in times of need does the job. You are not only made more calm, but things eventually appear to you and work out. The only enemy is memory, but if you understand that thoughts just come and go and you take them with a grain of salt, then you will be in good shape.
I fell bad for 2 people who I heard of lately who took their own life for various reasons- lover told them they do not love them anymore and failure of an exam. I feel bad because, had they fully experienced the pain, then they would also have experienced the clarity and strength that comes right after it, with instructions on how to proceed making them good encouragers for others in the future! The universe has brought many such encouragers into my life, thank goodness, so I know for a fact that all is not lost, there is no reason to despair, and, the most important thing is that the universe is there, on your side, if you just allow the flow.
thank you sweetheart..i needed this…i never thought my world would fall apart…i never thought things like these will happen to good people like me who is god-fearing and good intentions…you know what it wouldn’t have happened if i was the only one in the world…as long as there are other people in the world and as long as they don’t get converted into robots, your plans can’t go 100 percent according to the plan…sometimes god parts the Red Sea for you..other times, he makes a bridge for you to cross over…right now, god has created a bridge for me to cross over to my desired destination..but, i am fighting with god asking him to part the waters…i did not get an answer to why he isn’t doing it…the reason i want the waters to be parted is NOT because i am a spoilt-brat..it is because that is how i “expected” and “wanted” and “dreamed” god to answer my prayers..when he created a bridge for me to cross over, i became disappointed…i had been dreaming and visualizing myself walking on dry ground with the Red Sea on either side of me…i feel upset that my plans are being trampled on..but then again, god knows best..and unless he has a genuine reason, he doesn’t mess our plans-trust me on this one, i have experience….
Dear Vanita,
I came here searching for some added inspiration to help get me through this “rough patch”.
2016 has been quite challenging for me. Over the last 8 months I lost the man I loved, quit my job and moved back home, battled depression and anxiety, lost a great friend to cancer, lost my sweet doggie to renal failure, and then just as I thought things were getting better- I was offered a position overseas- the foundation could not secure a working visa and could not hire me.
I did go through a period where my attitude towards life was fatalistic-nothing was going right for me so why bother?! I even started thinking that I was being punished to try make sense of it all. What did I do in this life or past lives that was so wrong/bad to deserve this?
I won’t lie, I still have days where I feel a bit down and I wonder if I will ever reach a place of happiness and fulfillment. My biggest challenge is accepting that I am worthy of happiness and investing in myself again.
However, to anyone reading this who is suffering from a major setback-don’t give up and don’t become bitter. The latter is hard, but once you have overcome this painful chapter you want to meet your new beginning wearing your beautiful smile.
Nobody else is walking in your shoes or knows the full extent of the difficulties you are facing. What comes out of this is a person who is strong and resilient, and someone who knows the value of empathy.
I’ll end by quoting Elisabeth Kubler-Ross “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Kind regards
Natalie
Hello Natalie…What a most awesomely beautiful comment. I’m so sorry for the difficulties you’ve faced this year and I’m so impressed with the courage you’ve shown as you made your way through the pain that life threw at you. It isn’t easy and I say that from experience…and your bravery and attitude is a reminder to us all that we can make it through the most awful tragedies and move forward, still appreciating the gift that life is. Hugs to you. 🙂