How to Stop Being a People Pleaser (And What to do Instead)

Have you ever felt like you’ve been living your life trying to please people and keeping your own opinion only to yourself?

We’ve all been there. I’m talking about the world of people pleasers.

A world where you only try to make people happy, follow their direction, do what they feel is right, and keep only to yourself.

Many have been led astray because they were trying to please people and it’s not their fault, it’s how we’re brought up. For most of us, it starts with our parents giving us rules that are not in line with our vision or purpose. For others, it starts with friends telling them what to do and how to live their life.

And so the list goes on and on.

I bet there has been a time in your life where you said or did something you hate so much just to please other people or make someone else happy. Or maybe you’ve been led in a wrong direction but you’re afraid to say anything because you’re scared of what might go wrong.

Sound familiar?

If such a thing is happening to you, it’s not because you’re not unique enough. Everyone is created perfect.

It’s not because you don’t have a choice. Even the creator allows us to make our own choice in life.

You see, it’s because you still live in the world of people pleasers and as long as you keep living in such a world, you can never be your real self.

So, I’m shouting from the rooftop, pleading with you to come out of that world. If you pursue the steps in the following path, you can redo the stages of your life to stop pleasing people, regain your self-respect, become loved, and live happily once again.

1. Accept the fact that not everybody is going to love you

If you want to survive in a world that doesn’t care, here’s a basic thought for you:

You’re not going to be loved by everyone and that’s okay. I want you to reflect on this for a moment: has there ever been any great leader or authority who has been loved by everyone?

I bet you can’t name one and if you could, I’ll be here to prove you wrong.

The fact is, the world isn’t made that way.

So each time you take an action or make a decision, some people are going to be pleased, some people are going to be jealous, and some people are going to be displeased.

Once you become aware of these three types of people, only then will you understand that it’s okay to move on and do what you have to do, no matter what anyone thinks.

2. Put yourself first before anything else

Most people do just the opposite, they put others first before themselves and end up in a negative mood when they find out they have been cheated.

Please, please don’t do this.

Whenever you’re about to make any decision, you want to ask yourself the following question: Is this something I’m passionate about? Am I willing to take responsibility if anything goes wrong? Is it something that will make me happy?

Putting yourself first and asking the right questions will ensure your own safety and happiness, no matter what happens.

3. Trust and follow your internal receiver

I believe our mind speaks to us about everything. The problem is, most people don’t trust their mind enough to follow its opinion about what they’re trying to do.

So they follow others instead and end up in a world of regret. Be the exception. Trust your mind, follow its guidance, and you will do well.

4. Conquer the fear that something might go wrong

Most people want to quit the habit of pleasing people but are overcome with the feeling, what if something goes wrong? The bitter truth is, whether something goes wrong or not you’ll end up taking responsibility for anything that happens.

But it’s okay to take responsibility for what you bring on yourself rather than what other people bring on you.

So let go of the fear of what might go wrong and stand firm on your decision.

5. Learn how to say NO without self-judgement

You might not be okay with saying ‘no’ to people because you might feel bad on the inside but it’s okay to say ‘no’ without giving offence.

What you don’t want is to say ‘yes’ and taking responsiblity or to blame at the end of the day.

So let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’ be ‘no’. You don’t have to judge your answer.

Don’t be afraid to say ‘no’ in the midst of any decision; if you do that you will be fine.

So, now we have come to the end of this guide and my question is, which one of the five steps are you going to put into use?

Are you going to use more than one?

All five?

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below.

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Cephas Tope

Cephas Tope is the author of The Road Map to Your Extraordinary Life. He writes at highachievers.me, where he shares self improvement and business tips. you can join his free newsletter to learn how to make unshakeable progress and how to create extraordinary super life.