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Jealousy isn’t simply a feeling, it’s a mean, intense, unhealthy feeling. And even though none of us has ever lived without feeling it to some degree or another, about one thing or another, that doesn’t mean we should let it take over.
Whatever the form of jealousy, be it of the success of others, the things other people have or jealousy in a relationship, it’s a toxic emotion.
Jealousy has a way of making us feel insecure. It creates emotions that if not carefully dealt with, can make us become uncomfortable with our very environment. This eventually leads us to living each day not only in the tight grip of insecurities but wrapped in the arms of unhappiness.
Jealousy has cost so many people their relationships and perhaps created loss of respect of those close to them.
Look. The truth is, If you’re getting jealous over something, you will start to see that thing as a threat to your security.
It’s human nature to feel jealous, but it’s a self-harming emotion. What you don’t want is to become so in the thrall of the ‘green-eyed monster’ that you begin to develop anger, envy, and insecurity issues.
Whenever we find ourselves hovering around this circle of hatred and bitterness, we are imprisoning ourselves in a whirlpool of self-doubt that prevents us from seeing our own possibilities.
In his book Satisfied, Guy Jones says: ”
“Envy is essentially the desire for something we lack. But don’t get me wrong on this: desire itself is not a bad thing (and envy isn’t either, but more about that later). Desire can be the spark that ignites the fire in your mind and pushes you towards your goals.
On the other hand, what’s really bad about desire is that when we long for something we seemingly cannot reach, we get angry and feel like our life is meaningless or without prospects.”
And whilst I don’t believe we can completely get rid of jealousy, I do think we can manage jealousy appropriately by learning how to overcome the negativity it brings along with it. The following 4 easy steps will show you how.
1: Focus on the facts not the feelings
Most of the jealousness we feel comes as a result of wrong impressions. We get so convenient with the way we feel that we forget to look out for the truth in that particular situation.
Here’s my honest confession about getting jealous.
I am a sensitive person and sometimes react to things before taking the time to learn what the truth was.
This made me become too toxic to my loved ones and my environment.
Not long ago, I began to realize most of the things I get jealous over are not actual facts, but wrong impressions that I’ve been open to and ones that have been programmed into my subconscious mind.
I have learned how to stop judging things based on what I am feeling and instead search for what the truth is. Each time I do this, I notice a positive change and good energy all around me.
You can do that too, Instead of reacting to your feelings, first ask yourself: Is what am feeling the truth?
An expert once said our habits are learned. That means you can learn and unlearn things you do continually and change things that have become part of your subconscious programming.
Henceforth, permit yourself to flip the switch so you can find what the truth is before judging a particular situation or person. If you do this, you begin to figure out that happiness and comfort lie at the heart of the truth and not necessarily in the feelings you have conjured up.
2: Quit comparison
“Do not overrate what you have received, nor envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.” ~Buddha
One of the significant causes of jealousy is envy and the self-judgments we placed on ourselves.
For example, if our spouse begins to care for someone else more than us, we begin to feel those people are better than us, or something is hidden and before you know it, jealousy begins to form, and then peace of mind disappears.
If you have mixed feelings over something, the best thing to do is to speak up, ask why that is happening. We get to feel more jealous and tense when we hide the thoughts within us and refuse to open up about that particular situation.
When you open up to your spouse or the person involved about what you’re feeling, you give yourself an edge to understand the situation better and to help overcome all envy and comparisons you might be feeling.
Whenever you choose to free your mind and be more open, chances are greater happiness will follow.
3: Accept the fact that you will make mistakes or be cheated
The truth behind the jealousy and insecurities we sometimes feel is because we don’t want to make any mistakes or be cheated or hurt by anyone. And some times we simply would like to have what someone else has.
I recently ran across a mentor who has been doing well in business for more than three decades and asked what his secret is to running so many franchises successfully.
His response was: “Cephas, you have to let go of the thought that people are gonna cheat you every time you’re not watching.” he went further and said: “If you can’t let go of that thought that people are going to cheat you or steal from you. You can’t expand or move beyond your limits.”
I thought to myself how true that was. Most people can’t expand in life because they are not often willing to let go of what where they are and move to other things.
The truth is that you will possibly be cheated over something, some time. So what you should be looking for is how to minimize the risk instead of letting fear of being stung stop you from expanding and growing.
You can only do more and be more if you’re willing to accept that at one point or the other you’re going to be cheated, but that you will still be okay.
4: Ask for help in overcoming jealousy of any kind
If you’ve tried everything and you’re still unable to overcome jealousy. Well, it’s time to ask for help.
Find someone you trust and can be opened up to and tell them your struggle; this can be your spouse, a mentor, or your spiritual teacher.
Asking for help means you don’t have to carry the burden alone, and you can find solutions more quickly. Solutions that you weren’t aware of before.
If you use this advice, you can overcome jealousy in no time. If you put your heart into doing any or all of these, you will never be bowed by jealousy again. If this is a challenge for you remember what William Penn said : “The jealous are troublesome to others, but a torment to themselves.” Don’t let this be you.