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Today is encouragement day, and let’s face it we all need a little encouragement every now and then.
This month my friend Victor Schueller, otherwise known as the Professor of Positivity and Possibility is leading the way so without further ado over to you Victor:
Sometimes people are amazed that in as few as five minutes of work they can turn around a relationship problem that has existed for years. Unfortunately for some, amazement is not the word used to describe their experience. Sometimes people describe it politely as a frustration over many unnecessary years spent in anguish and suffering.
Does it really take only five minutes? In some cases, yes. In some cases it takes longer. It’s hard to say (and as they say in the commercials…results may vary.) But, my question in response is, “Why does it have to take more than five minutes?”
Change your mind
I’ve found that the key to success in turning around relationship issues is changing a mindset. There is no established time frame that one needs to follow in order to reverse suffering. There is no rule that says that the longer one has struggled the longer it takes to find a solution to the problem.
In reality, we actually do have all the tools already in place to make any sort of change we wish to in order to improve any aspect of our lives. It’s just a matter of that upon which we choose to place our focus.
Watch your focus
In my opinion, here’s the key: Our success in turning around our unsuccessful and unhappy ways resides in realizing that there is an embarrassment of riches that awaits those who focus on the enjoyment of having the riches, instead of wishing for the riches.
I’ll put it in another way: As long as we focus on the pursuit, we will struggle to find the treasure that is in all of us. As long as we continue to resist, what it is that we resist will persist. All of our wildest ambitions are waiting for us just beyond the gap.
Recognize the gap
You may be wondering what I mean by the gap. The gap, as I define it, is that space between what we currently have (and don’t care to have) and what we don’t have (but care to have).
If you find yourself engaged in a heated conversation or argument with your spouse on a daily basis, that’s what you currently have (and don’t care to have). What you don’t have, but care to have are regular conversations that are civilized, respectful, compassionate, loving, and free of arguing.
The gap resides between the two. Conventional problem solvers would tell you that in order to “fix” the problem you need to establish an action plan or create a goal to help you bridge or close the gap.
However, in my humble opinion, when you spend so much time and energy focusing on what it is that you want (and don’t have), you are spending an awful lot of time focusing on what you currently lack. This focus is an energy drainer instead of a motivator.
This is where we can struggle to manifest our desires. So you may now be wondering how can we utilize this concept of moving beyond the gap to improve a relationship problem like this. We can do this by using four simple words:
How can I help?
You have no idea how the simple use of these four words can dramatically change your life. Let me explain:
Let’s say that you are talking with your significant other, and she becomes angry with you because you are planning on going out with your friends for a night on the town. She says, angrily, Sure, you can go ahead and spend time with your friends, but you won’t even find time to go out to dinner with me. Thanks a lot.
It’s really easy to listen to this and get your feathers in a bunch. However, may I suggest hearing through the angry words and listening to what it is she is really saying to you. I believe that she’s really saying, Can I please have some alone time with you?
If you can hear this through the anger, and use the four words, how can I help, it can transform this exchange. The how can I help might be said like this, Well, I have tonight already scheduled, but would you be willing to work with me to schedule a date where just the two of us can go out and have a good time?
By doing this, you are embodying compassion, love, respect, and empathy. You are living beyond the gap. You are no longer focusing on what it is that you want, but don’t have, because you’re already there. You are already resonating with and feeling the feelings you know are part of any successful and thriving relationship.
Keeping the end in mind
Instead of focusing on where your relationship is falling short you are focusing on the riches of successful relationships. You are actually resonating with the seeds of a thriving and loving relationship.
Instead of receiving reminders yet again about what your relationship lacks, you are enjoying the embarrassment of riches of your relationship, which were at your disposal the whole time.
Focus on what is, not what isn’t. Get out of your head and move down to your heart. Open your heart to compassion, love, patience, and respect. Resonate with those loving feelings. Learn to listen through the hurt and anger to hear the ‘please.’ Throw in those four simple words, how can I help?
You can enjoy the abundant riches of a wonderful relationship at any time. All you have ever wanted is right there, just waiting to be discovered and used. It’s right there, just beyond the gap.
By making the simple switch from wanting something, to already being there, you will change your resonance to that which fosters the love and compassion or anything else you’ve always wanted.
It’s time to enjoy the riches of your relationships and life in general. Don’t wish for love — be love that has always been there. Don’t pray for understanding — embody understanding that has always existed. Don’t hope for change — become change that has already taken place. You’ll be amazed at how wonderful your life can really be once you can see yourself already there.
What say you? Share in the comments below your tips or strategies for shifting from wanting to having and move beyond the struggle.
You are the best, thanks for reading, sharing and welcoming Victor. Oh yes, and thanks for caring enough to share your wisdom with the rest of us. We learn and grow from each other.
Encourage one another.
Dr. Victor Schueller is the “Professor of Positivity and Possibility.” As a coach, speaker, and author, Victor helps people learn how to deal with life’s tough situations to find inner peace.
Victor’s primary focus is on helping people improve their lives through improving how they communicate with others, as well as helping people understand the tremendous powers of belief and perception.
Dr. Schueller is an award-winning blogger and hosts his own radio show, “Positively Empowered Radio.” Victor lives in Kiel, Wisconsin with his wife and two daughters. You can find out more about Victor at his website www.victorschueller.com[/success]