Reading time: 4 minutes
“People are difficult and so annoying, it feels like they were naturally configured to irritate and bug my life… I’ve had enough! I’m done!! In fact, I’m better off on my own.”
Admit it! You’ve probably heard this before from someone, probably from a friend, a relative or a colleague at work when dealing with difficult people.
Or maybe you’ve even had your legs in that shoe before?
Yea sure, most of us at one point or another have had it to the brim with some people.
Once, I had a colleague who would never see anything good in anybody.
If you had your best dress on or if you looked prettier than her, she was going to find something wrong.
If you had a better idea to a particular issue, she wasn’t going to agree with it.
She would always criticize and go on finding faults in everyone and everything. Trust me; if you’re not so confident, you might end up getting trapped in her negative comments.
This kind of person and even those with more difficult personalities are often present in our day to day life.
Many of which are our relatives and friends and we can’t just do away with them, now can we?
And since we can’t do away with them, then we have to be ready to face their attitudes.
Having a good relationship with difficult people may seem like reaching for the stars in an attempt to pluck it from its socket… An impossible task? Maybe not!
I believe that this is the notion most people hold and tend to quit when they faced issues or problems with a difficult person.
It doesn’t have to be that way!
Just imagine if you’re the one being irrational or annoying or difficult to others, how would you like to be treated?
The truth is, we fail always to face the reality that the relationship problems we encounter are often because we ourselves have problems or issues that are unresolved and are eating us up.
So when you are about to point fingers remember that you cannot take out the speck in another person’s eye when you have a log in your own eyes.
In a clearer sense?
“it is not possible to treat another person’s hurt until we have first discovered the cure and accepted the treatment ourselves.”
Perhaps you are dealing with a difficult person right now in your life; you don’t have to give up on them because difficult loving people doesn’t have to be difficult if you do the following;
1. Gain a new perspective on how to make loving difficult people easier
Our perspective determines how far our relationships with others will develop.
You have to realize that people don’t treat you the way you are, but they treat you the way they see themselves.
So also how you see yourself determines how you’ll treat others.
Once you come to this understanding, you will less likely take people’s behaviour towards you personally.
Every action requires a reaction. It is in your hands to decide how you react or respond to people’s actions.
So if you have unresolved issues yourself, It might be quite hard not to explode in anger when difficult situations arise.
The catch here is that you have to take care of yourself, be kind, compassionate and loving to YOU!- The most crucial relationship is the one with yourself.
Self love as others might think isn’t selfishness, we have been made to believe that treating ourselves with much love and compassion is being selfish but think of it…
Would you rather choose to judge, beat yourself up and be considered selfless to the detriment of your health and emotions?
Only when you’ve loved and come to a state of self-acceptance can you offer help to others.
“A person who sees himself or herself in a negative light will always see the negativity in others. A person who sees himself positively also looks for the good in others.”
It’s all in your perspective.
2. Taking responsibility
Responsibility is the key to a successful relationship, even with the most difficult people.
I am responsible for how I react to others, I may not be accountable for their actions towards me, but I must take responsibility for my reactions.
You can’t choose how people treat you, but you can decide how you’ll respond.
Your responsibility in every relationship is coming to an understanding with the other person, and this will help you handle difficulties in your relationships.
Imagine if someone understood you perfectly well and knows just what to do when you’re difficult.
I would feel good to find such an understanding person. How would you feel?
You can be the one who understands and takes responsibility.
To understand more about loving difficult people, you might want to get to know their personality types:
Consider the “Garbage collector”; anyone with this personality loves to replay the bad moments and injuries they’ve suffered at the hands of other people, they nurse and hold on to their wounds.
“The Sherman tank” those with this personality tend to intimidate others because of their aggressive and hostile attitudes, just like you cannot reason with a tank, it just rolls over everything and anything, so are these people difficult to reason with.
“Space Cadet” this is another problematic personality that most people consider or call “weird”. They are just in a different world apart from anyone else, and they tend to say or do something senseless and annoying most times, but they are often times smart and intelligent people.
“The Volcanoes” these people are the unpredictable type that tends to be unapproachable. It is difficult to relax around these type of people because you don’t know when they are going to explode.
Another difficult personality is the “The thumb suckers” they are otherwise known as “moody” and tend to be full of self-pity. They usually need people around to cater for their needs. If they do not have their way, they turn to the silent treatment and use this to manipulate others to get what they want.
“The Users” are another set of people who manipulates others for their selfish gain. They put on a pity party face to make others feel sorry for them and help them out. They want to make you feel guilty, and if you’re gullible, you can end up feeling obligated to them.
Sound like an eye opener right? Perhaps you’ve just come to the realization that you have these kind of difficult people in your life.
The most important thing you can do to work more efficiently with these personalities is to love them unconditionally, staying emotionally healthy yourself and most times try to confront them with their attitudes.
No one can hurt you, we are most hurt by our sense of judgement. The good news? Whilst you might not have control over other people’s attitude towards you, you do have the control to choose how you feel and that’s invaluable.
So, in a nutshell how to make loving difficult people easier might not feel like a walk in the park, but it helps if you remember love is the magic elixir that soothes every soul.