Ever felt as though you were a victim of your genes, or outside forces, or just plain old bad luck?

I know I’ve felt like a victim at different times in my life and I could have given you chapter and verse as to why it was true.  But it really wasn’t. And it isn’t true for you either.

It took a while for me to learn this and even longer to work out how the language of victim-hood was stopping me from getting what I wanted in life.

And even more confusing was the discovery that the language of victim-hood doesn’t just play out in the words we speak or think, but in the non-verbal communications we have.   The communication of our bodies, is just as important as the way we speak.

We know that our body language expresses how we feel to the outside world, but what I had to learn, the hard way, was that it also was working the other way around. The position of my body was influencing my mind, my feelings, my attitude.

And it was getting in the way of what I wanted.

If you’re not getting what you want in life…here’s some pretty dandy (and easy) ways to change this.

Sit up straight

I know, it sounds a little weird, but honestly your mum or grandmother was right when they nagged you for not sitting up straight.

If you’ve ever found yourself slouching over your computer, or slumped in front of the tv, there’s one thing you should know, it causes stress, diminishes your self-esteem and doesn’t help you to feel good.   

And that’s using body language to get what you don’t want.

If you find this hard to believe?  Check out this recent research.

Act ‘as if’

live the life of my dreams

If you were living the life of your dreams what would you see, who would you be with, what would your friends and family be saying to you?   How would you walk?

Would you stride out in confidence, holding your head up high?

If you want to live your dreams, feel more successful, more alive, walk as if it’s true today.  Do what Madonna suggests and ‘strike a pose’. You don’t have to be fake about it, just fill your lungs and stand tall. Your mind will get the message and respond accordingly.


It’s so simple that it seems like nothing.  But it isn’t, it’s something, and it’s something great.  And you don’t have to be happy to smile…you smile and you feel happy, whether it’s justified or not.

One of the things that probably saved me from becoming a permanent victim back in the day, was that I was a natural born smiler.  Sometimes all it takes is a smile to make life look brighter.  It’s amazing that the simple act of using our smiley muscles is enough to trigger happy chemicals in our brain.

C’mon you can do this…no heavy lifting involved, just the curving of your lips into a smile.


how to be more confident

Remember that old saying fake it till you make it?  There’s a lot of truth in this.

The connection between your mind, body and reality is so powerful that pretty much as a magnet will draw like electrons towards it, so you will draw like things into your life by how you act, and how you think and feel.

If you want to be more confident and you determine to believe you are, and hold yourself as if you were, before too long you become it.

If you want to be more organized, successful, attractive, whatever it is,  the same principle applies.

A 40’s movie star…Cary Grant…who was as charming and elegant off the screen as he was on it tells the story of how, as a boy from a poor background, he pretended to be this polished person…and acted as though he were the same person on screen as off, until eventually he became him.

Think this isn’t for you? Remember, whatever one of us can do, so can the rest of us. And yes that includes you.

Spiritually speaking

[Tweet “All you imagine and accept as possible for you already exists as a reality in your inner world.”]

It might not arrive straight away, but if in your mind’s eye you can see it, and adopt the body language of it being real, it becomes a part of your life.

Like attracts like.

You can become who you want to be, you can have what you want to have.

So get serious about your body language. This really will have an incredible impact on your health, success and well-being.  Ditch the slumping, slouching and droopy lips, it’s time to get your awesome on.

Experiment and see what happens. You’ve got nothing to lose, and all those things you ever wanted to gain.

Encourage on another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. I especially found this so powerful to consider, Elle: “We know that our body language expresses how we feel to the outside world, but what I had to learn, the hard way, was that it also was working the other way around. The position of my body was influencing my mind, my feelings, my attitude.” I am going to really work on the slouching at the computer for all the reasons you suggest. Thank you.

    • That computer slouching thing is so easy to do isn’t it Sandra. Just walk into any coffee shop and see how many people are slouched over their devices, it speaks volumes. I’m being more mindful too!

  2. I agree that body language has such an impact on the way the world interacts with us. My martial arts’ teacher told me (he was a criminal lawyer at one point) that one of the muggers he dealt with told him that he picked people by their body language – someone who looked like a victim versus someone who was likely to fight back. An extreme example – but just goes to show how important it is.

    • Wow, what an interesting story Ellen. It makes perfect sense, although as you say somewhat extreme, but it certainly validates the concept that body language matters more than we might have thought. 🙂

  3. I definitely agree. How we express our bodies can have an impact on our mind and emotions. Exercise helps to boost our serotonin levels.

    • Hi Evelyn, you make a good point about the exercise. Yet another example of how we use our bodies affects the way we feel. 🙂

  4. Hello Elle,

    both your style and content of writing are amazing. Their helpfulness is being embodied in Albania as well. I am very much grateful to be in your subscription list.

    Thanks a lot for sharing…

    • Welcome Lazjon, lovely to have you all the way from Albania. Thank you for your kind words, you are much appreciated for taking the time to let me know. And I’m happy too that you’re on the subscription list. Hopefully there’ll be some wonderful new things on the way to you shortly. 🙂

  5. Suzie Cheel

    Yes to smile and magnetise. A smile just uplifts out spirit, heart and soul and whne we are in alignment our heart’s magnet field expands. Great thinking here Elle- xx

    • Thank you Suzie…I had to learn this the loooong way. But I’m so happy I did. 🙂

  6. Hi Elle,

    I like to fake it until I make it when I’m reaching for that something. But I try not to really fake it (I guess I’m afraid I’ll deceive myself) I just try to find another way to be it. Like feed off of the confidence of an aspect of it that I already have or am building. That makes me feel how I need to to pull it off 🙂


    • Hi Lea…I think the ‘fake it’ idea is more about persuading yourself within and not in the outer world. It’s like that old adage believe it and you’ll see it. But I do get what you mean! Whatever works for you dear one is all that matters. 🙂

        • That’s the truth Lea…we’re certainly conditioned to do that…and it takes practice, to do otherwise. And speaking for myself…a lot of practice…in fact I would say an ongoing practice! lol 🙂

  7. I LOVE the “act as if” instead of the ‘fake it till you make it’ concept 🙂
    And How fun that we are both writing about smiling more this week.
    Beautiful suggestions Elle!

    • I noticed that too Zeenat. I love being on the same page as those that I admire. Let’s continue to be ‘smilers’ it feels so much better doesn’t it?

  8. This is powerful stuff! I have been trying to train my brain to “act as if” I am the person I want to be in all areas of my life. It has been successful more often than not, although at times I fall into old, bad habits and a lack of belief that I really can be what i want to be. It is a work in progress!

    • Hi Michele…I know just what you mean… I’m pretty good at ‘living as though I was’ and yet I’m less than perfect too. I think we’re all works in progress dear heart. 🙂

  9. Hi Elle, Really powerful indeed, our body language expresses so many things about our personality. A simple smile can change everything. Thanks for sharing a beautiful post.

    • Your comment is so true Noah. I’m one of those people who smile most of the time…what can I say…I’m thinking happy thoughts. But the interesting thing is that people I pass in the street or a restaurant often smile back…which is really nice. 🙂

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