One of the challenges in creating the life we love is that on the way, we become different people. We have to, we’re occupying a different state of consciousness, a new mindset is operating and we have a new self-concept.
And it doesn’t always go over very well.
Sometimes people just become uncomfortable around the brand new you.
And there’s always that old fear of leaving people behind.
Occupying a different mind set changes our energy, which means that we’re vibrating in a different way than we did before. Energy is everything….think quantum physics. Energy is how the laws of consciousness work, including the law of attraction. And if you think it doesn’t matter…pay attention.
Emotions are contagious and we’re programmed to empathize with others and tune into their vibration.
Have you noticed times in your relationships when you just ‘know’ something is wrong with your partner. No words have been spoken…but you feel it. I bet you have. That’s what I’m talking about here.
And how about when someone in the office or workplace is in a foul mood and before you know it, your colleagues become more and more irritable and cranky and maybe you join the chorus.
We’re picking up emotions that are floating in the world around us all the time. Even from people we don’t know, but more especially from those close to us, like our friends, family and colleagues. And the same is true for them…they’re on the receiving end of our energy.
How it happens.
A few weeks ago I had just such an experience. One of my friends was really angry with something she’d just read. Furious in fact. She was telling me all the reasons why she didn’t believe it and the more she spoke the angrier she became.
She wasn’t speaking any louder, but the ‘feeling’ of her anger was dangerously close to explosive. I felt as though I was being bombarded. My chest hurt (probably my heart) and it wasn’t even about me. It wasn’t even being directed at me. But what a wake up call.
I didn’t want to fall into the low energetic state of anger with her…it’s oh so easy to do….but it wouldn’t be helpful, to me, her or anyone around me. Something in my consciousness attracted it…but who cares what that was…I just knew I didn’t want it.
I read that 98% of our feelings don’t belong to us. Is that true? I didn’t know. But I needed to find out.
I began to pay attention to how often my mood altered.
You know I do this stuff, so you don’t have to….and you’re right I love it.
Asking the right questions.
I noticed how, as a passenger in a car, the driver’s annoyance with another driver, became my annoyance. And I wasn’t even watching the road.
I noticed that being around people who were loving and kind to one another, felt good. Even though I wasn’t participating in it.
I noticed that people rushing around and elbowing everyone out of their way on the street left me feeling flustered and bothered and I began to feel I’d better get a move on too. Though I didn’t have anything pressing to do.
And I discovered two handy questions to ask were:
Is this feeling mine?
AND
What reason do I have, right now, to feel this way?
Amazingly enough, nine times out of ten, if it was a negative feeling, I discovered it didn’t belong to me.
Now that was a relief. And yes…relief was my very own feeling.
And simply asking the questions lifted the heavier vibrations of negativity that didn’t belong to me.
But…if the negativity was mine, then asking the question did absolutely nothing. It was still sitting there like a bump on a log and I knew I needed to do something about it, to move into a better feeling place.
After all feeling is the secret to our manifesting and planting seeds of cabbages wasn’t going to bring me grapes to eat. And I’m not that fond of cabbage.
And what does this have to do with feeling unsupported?
Read on….
Staying in touch with what you really want.
My friend Ellen had been growing and evolving through her studies and practices. She noticed a shift in her friends and family. They weren’t interested in hearing how ‘life really worked’. In fact they were pretty dismissive of her views. They called them airy fairy, woo woo, and told her she lived in a dream world.
She decided they were holding her back by their lack of support. Not a feeling that could manifest good things.
She thought maybe if they would just listen to how ‘life really works’; if she taught them the principles she practiced they would understand and be supportive.
But, every time she was with them it annoyed her that they didn’t ‘get it’. Or they were just disinterested.
She was picking up their energy of disinterest, which felt like lack of support and they were picking up her annoyance.
She was becoming a spiritual bully. And a bit of a spiritual snob. Not recommended when what we want is to feel supported.
Ellen believed that growth and change meant losing the people around her and it was a self fulfilling prophecy. Whilst it might be true that some of her friends might drift away…it’s part of the circle of life, it didn’t follow that she needed to be on one side of the spiritual aisle and everyone else on the other.
Energetically, her beliefs and the beliefs held by those around her were creating a giant vibrational wall.
No one can help or hurt without your permission.
Eventually, Ellen relaxed and began simply to imagine that everyone was in a happy state. She released them from the prison she’d had them in. And regardless of beliefs, she blessed them, and herself, and allowed everything to simply be.
It might be true, or not, that 98% of our feelings don’t belong to us…but we couldn’t experience them if we didn’t accept them. And if we’re unconsciously accepting someone else’s feeling, it’s because those feelings are in some way a vibrational match to ours.
By changing her perspective, Ellen changed her feelings, and stopped being willing to accept the conventional wisdom that her friends and family wouldn’t support her if she continued to grow and develop. And she finally understood no one could hold her back without her permission.
It took a while, and some effort on her part, but the upshot was that she started her own spiritual group, joined by many of her old friends, and a couple of family members, who’ve developed a curiosity and interest in her growth and experiences and are keen to experience something similar for themselves..
Aaah makes me misty eyed.
Have you ever found yourself feeling unsupported by those around you. How did you change it?
I’d love to hear from you.
Your stories and insights and experiences help us all.
Encourage one another. And I especially want to thank you all for the encouragement and love you’ve sent my way since my ‘coming out of the dark confession.’ Consider yourself virtually hugged.
Love Elle
xoxo
30 Comments
Hi Elle, It feels like I put up a wall of energy anytime someone wants to get into an argument over spiritual principles. I absolutely will not engage with them, although I’m happy to answer one initial question. I find that they will go round and round “stuck” on one idea…and when I run into them two years later, they are STILL stuck on the same exact thing. It’s as if they can’t hear what anyone else says. By the same token I won’t press anyone to believe or learn about anything, period, ever. If they want my thoughts well I suppose they could come by the blog 🙂
It’s always so interesting Julie to hear the different techniques everyone uses. You know what they say about having ears to hear. One of the reasons that I love that there are so many different voices out there today…someone uses the language that another can hear. You made me laugh saying, ‘I suppose they could come by the blog’. “-)
Good post Elle. my family doesn’t understand the blogging. i just go about my business and don’t talk to them about. All the while smiling inside. We do have to learn when to react or not react to others. When in doubt i just smile and wait for a time to walk away if the conversation is starting to get to me.
Thanks Debbie. I love that…you’re living your life smiling inside. Just think what that’s going to be bringing you…a reflection of smiling in your circumstances. Pretty cool. 🙂
Darling Elle,
I have found myself on the ‘un recieving end’ of support far too many times in my life. It was only after a while that I realized … those who truly love support, those who show they love don’t support..they Run…oh so fast its not even funny 🙂 So in all honesty, atleast we get to know who truly love us in the process.
We come to reply on those closest to us…first rely on yourself and then on all else.
Thank you for an insightful post darling Elle 🙂
Much Love,
Z~
That’s hard to believe dear Zeenat, that anyone wouldn’t be there for one of the sweetest souls on the planet.
And happy birthday for today…no running away from that…you bring such light to our global community. 🙂
Hi Elle,
There are things my family doesn’t understand, and through the years, I’ve just learned to do what I think is right regardless. Some recent experiences have shown the true color of family and friends and honestly I was pleasantly surprised at how supportive most people are. Great post – thanks! xoxo
Good for you Cathy…doing what is right for you. And it’s so true, generally, people are truly supportive and given that our life experiences simply outpicture our beliefs…it always comes back to us. 🙂
Elle,
Great post. I think that the reason why someone can find themselves on the “un-receiving end,” such as in your story, is just simply because the message doesn’t resonate with the people who are the target of the “messages.” I have found this, in talking to people. They ask what I speak about, and when I start talking as if it’s as plain as the nose on someone’s face, I can just see that they aren’t getting it.
I know that I have to do a better job of re-framing what I say to people to meet them “where they are” so that I can resonate more deeply with them. I don’t change my message, but it strikes a chord with them. 🙂
That indeed is a challenge in itself, but it’s one I am up for. You gave me some things to think about here. 🙂
Great point Victor…the beauty of having so many voices out there expressing how life works is that when one message doesn’t resonate another one does. And it’s good for our entire global community. And congrats to you as you strike your chords with so many via your radio show. Love listening to your guests. 🙂
Most of my family and friends aren’t supporting of what my ideas for my blog are. Either they are not interested in the Internet all that much, or they interests lay somewhere else in cyber space.
I handle it by just letting them be themselves. Although it would be wonderful to have their support, my projects, interests, and goals are my own. They should be treated as such. Whether I fail or win at any of it can only be my doing, no one else’s.
Love your perspective Glynis. It’s fabulous to hear so many different views…it broadens my horizons so much. Thank you. 🙂
Elle,
This has happened to me at least 3 times in my life and of course I thought it was all “their” fault, never realizing that my friends and family had a right to their beliefs and opinions just as I had a right to change mine. It can be tough to keep common ground with loved ones who can’t yet make the journey but I found if I just lightened up and let them be them, they would let me be woo woo and we’d all be fine! Thanks for the great post, you do the “light touch” better than anyone!
Thank you Rev Dore for your insights and experiences. Kudos to you for choosing a new perspective and having a new experience. And thanks for your kind words. 🙂
Wow this brought back memories of when i first started on the change path. I remember when I received comments that were unsupportive of the growth path I was on and it used to upset me and i did try in the early days to bring people with me. Fortunately my family have always been supportive even if they didn’t understand my whys. My brother in later life has even come around and he used to just shake his head. The hardest thing is with friends who are you know you could help, then I am just supportive and lead by example, surprisingly it may take time and sometimes they will ask for your help.
Great post Elle and like Debbie these days i leave a situation if it is lovering my vibes or move into meditation made.
Love the new blog look
love
Suzie
I still find that Suzie. It’s so wonderful that your family have joined in supporting your growth.
And I hear what you say about friends. There are days, my friend, there are days…when I have to stop and ask myself if I’ve got it right…when something in my consciousness shows up as an event, leaving me reeling…and I like your idea to move into meditation mode…and breathe!
Thanks Suzie…this was good for me to read today. Your insight has helped me. 🙂
Elle,
Great post and so true. When I got married I was so surprised that some of our pre-marriage friends drifted and just let us go as friends. My mom very wisely said that some people will be friends all our lives and others just for a while but that it’s all good. Although it’s hard, you just can’t take it personally!
xoxo
Betsy
Oh Betsy your mum sounds like a wise woman. Not taking it personally can be tough…especially when it comes from wanting approval. And who hasn’t been there. 🙂
Like Betsy said, there are forever friends, and situational or life stage friends. But family–that’s hard. I have often felt not understood and not supported by family. But I came to understand for myself at least, that we are all family for a reason. My job isn’t to change them. My job is to love them and appreciate them, and have good boundaries!
Was it the Dalai Lama who said that if you think you are enlightened, just go spend a weekend with your family?!
That’s a great take Galen, our job is to love. And whomever is responsible for your quote was one wise dude…or dudette…just in case it wasn’t the Dalai Lama. 🙂
I am fortunate that my husband supports all that I do.
I do like the concept that much of the negative energy we feel, is not ours. That makes it easier to let go. Thank you.
Lovely to have you join in the conversation and how wonderful Alison to feel so supported. And as you say, it’s so much easier to let go of those feelings that actually belong to someone else. 🙂
I find it intriguing how emotions of others pour onto us, it’s an interesting concept…
It’s funny about the whole driver rage thing, I’ve felt exactly the same. Personally whenever I’m in a similar situation I almost shut myself off or at least change my focus. I like to have total control over my thoughts, and I don’t want somebody else’s impatience or whatever to cause me the same distress…
Of course I can’t always be like that, I need the sympathy, empathy and sentiment as well, it’s a tough call.. But when it comes to somebody taking me over via their own destructive emotions I like to take a step back, just my thoughts anyway…!
Having control over your thoughts is the secret to managing your destiny Nick…and I think it’s wonderful that you have this awareness and your practices. Can’t wait to see who you are in five years time…heck in one year’s time…if you keep on keeping on. 🙂
Its interesting to know how easy our life would get if are only willing to change our perspectives for good, Thanks Elle.. I love your take 🙂
So true Vinma. 🙂
Absolutely true, Elle! I never thought about it that way but it truly makes sense!
Hi Cher, there’s so many perspectives on life and sometimes a little shake up is a good thing. 🙂
I love that my husband supports me fully with what I do and never even points out when I don’t get something done because I’m too busy writing/blogging LOL…and yes, negative energy is the easiest to “catch”…
How wonderful Linda that you have such a supportive hubby…it makes all the difference in the world doesn’t it. And I think we all have to keep an eye out for that negative energy trying to worm its way into our world. 🙂