Negative conversations. We all have them with ourselves. For some of us pretty regularly. And then we are surprised and hurt when life sneaks up and kicks us up the backside.
This used to be me in action:
“If I expect the worse, then I can manage it when it happens.” I worried. I tended to expect some catastrophe to befall me, or maybe a betrayal.
Any courage I had often fell prey to fear and overwhelming worry, egged on by those persistent negative conversations I had with myself. And yes, I was still overcome with surprise when I never seemed to be able to improve my circumstances.
It took quite a few years, lots of courses, books, and studies before I grasped the idea that this kind of thinking was a trap that led to the erosion of my self-confidence. (What little I had at the time.) Negative thinking becomes a spiral that once you get into can be hard to stop.
And no negative thinking, along with negative conversations with myself, didn’t make me a realist. Though this is the claim many negative thinkers make. Don’t believe them. Thinking bitter is not better for them or the world.
So if you’re even half inclined towards having negative conversations with yourself here’s my 5 tips to free yourself from most of the negative conversational habits you might have
1. Be your best
To be the best you can be you must believe in your mind that you are the best. We can’t live in two minds with two competing thoughts at the same time, and there is no shame in assuming you are the best, in fact it is critical to squashing negative thoughts about yourself.
Spiritually speaking, the two competing thoughts equal two separate energies and it cannot be that we experience them at the same time. You know this for yourself, you don’t feel happiness and misery at the same time.
Though there’s nothing to stop you from switching between one and the other, it’s better for you if you don’t!
2. Stop assigning meanings to negative conversations
Those repetitive negative conversations often lead to interpreting and judging situations before we have the whole story.
Jumping to conclusions only causes unnecessary anxiety or worry. Bear in mind that we can only see the world the way we are, not necessarily the way it really is and our negativing self-talk creates the model from which we operate in life.
And those models of reality are what determines your joy or disappointments, not people or events.
3. Reset your negative surroundings
What you allow in your life will have a big impact on you. We know (at least I think we do) that it’s your consciousness that produces your reality. And your inner conversations be they negative or positive are heavily involved in your surroundings.
Don’t expect to feel inspired if you’re not surrounded by things that inspire.
Create the right surroundings, things that bring you joy, and people who will help you see the gift you bring to the world.
4. Practice dissatisfaction
I know you probably think I’m losing it. Practicing dissatisfaction? What is she talking about; won’t this simply make those negative conversations worse? Not if you practice being dissatisfied with the old negative stories you’ve been telling yourself. How things have gone before. How things have gone with others. This doesn’t mean punishing yourself, it means believing in yourself.
It’s not easy to remember who you truly are, but if you can just start to see a little of the amazing, unique and brilliant person you are, the whole game of life will change.
Should you need a little more help with this, there’s a long time favourite book of mine that helped me in my early days of switching from negative conversations to a whole new and positive tone.
First written donkey’s years ago by Dr. Shad Helmstetter, under a slightly different name and now called Negative Self-talk And How to Change It. Dr. Helmstetter gives you all of the information you need to change negative self-talk, in a short, easy-to-read format.
Also included is a special “Guide to Changing Your Self-Talk” from The Self-Talk Institute.
5. Listen to the right voice
You don’t need negative conversations or thoughts or feelings that simply make you feel bad, You don’t need negative thoughts that give you a false sense of self. Most of them aren’t true. And are often outright lies.
They diminish your self-confidence which creates a spiral of negativity. You can begin to quiet those negative conversations by practicing listening to the small voice of positivity and success that’s available to everyone. This voice struggles to be hear above the loudness of the voice of negativity and failure, but if you attempt to hear it you can stop yourself from drifting back to the things you say to yourself that hurt more than they help.
Whilst we might never totally eliminate the negative conversations that speak to us of failure, disaster or catastrophe, we have freedom of choice to follow whichever voice we want.
None of us would purposefully follow a voice that urges us to feel and act in a way that isn’t in our best interests, yet far too often we are persuaded to repeat this same error. Look at me, I managed to follow a voice that really didn’t do me much good, until I got the message!
The bottom line is that practicing a little discipline in turning your focus to that quieter voice within allows it to flourish and each time you manage this that little voice responds and grows in strength.
Final thoughts on those negative conversations
It’s up to each of us to make a conscious decision to reach higher, reach for that better life through the discipline of our thinking and self-talk. It’s up to each of us to believe that we can have all that we want and become all that we choose to be, but we can’t do this without making any changes in the way we think.
Your future is as beautiful and wonderful as the thoughts you think and the things you tell yourself along the way.
Encourage one another.