Negative conversations.  We all have them with ourselves. For some of us pretty regularly.  And then we are surprised and hurt when life sneaks up and kicks us up the backside.

This used to be me in action:

“If I expect the worse, then I can manage it when it happens.”  I worried.  I tended to expect some catastrophe to befall me, or maybe a betrayal.

Any courage I had often fell prey to fear and overwhelming worry, egged on by those persistent negative conversations I had with myself.  And yes, I was still overcome with surprise when I never seemed to be able to improve my circumstances.

It took quite a few years, lots of courses, books, and studies before I grasped the idea that this kind of thinking was a trap that led to the erosion of my self-confidence. (What little I had at the time.)  Negative thinking becomes a spiral that once you get into can be hard to stop.

And no negative thinking, along with negative conversations with myself, didn’t make me a realist. Though this is the claim many negative thinkers make.  Don’t believe them.  Thinking bitter is not better for them or the world.

So if you’re even half inclined towards having negative conversations with yourself here’s my 5 tips to free yourself from most of the negative conversational habits you might have

1. Be your best

To be the best you can be you must believe in your mind that you are the best.  We can’t live in two minds with two competing thoughts at the same time, and there is no shame in assuming you are the best, in fact it is critical to squashing negative thoughts about yourself.

Spiritually speaking, the two competing thoughts equal two separate energies and it cannot be that we experience them at the same time.  You know this for yourself, you don’t feel happiness and misery at the same time. 

Though there’s nothing to stop you from switching between one and the other, it’s better for you if you don’t!

2. Stop assigning meanings to negative conversations

Those repetitive negative conversations often lead to interpreting and judging situations before we have the whole story. 

Jumping to conclusions only causes unnecessary anxiety or worry. Bear in mind that we can only see the world the way we are, not necessarily the way it really is and our negativing self-talk creates the model from which we operate in life. 

And those models of reality are what determines your joy or disappointments, not people or events.

3. Reset your negative surroundings

What you allow in your life will have a big impact on you.  We know (at least I think we do) that it’s your consciousness that produces your reality.  And your inner conversations be they negative or positive are heavily involved in your surroundings. 

Don’t expect to feel inspired if you’re not surrounded by things that inspire.

Create the right surroundings, things that bring you joy, and people who will help you see the gift you bring to the world.

4. Practice dissatisfaction

I know you probably think I’m losing it.  Practicing dissatisfaction?  What is she talking about; won’t this simply make those negative conversations worse? Not if you practice being dissatisfied with the old negative stories you’ve been telling yourself. How things have gone before.  How things have gone with others.  This doesn’t mean punishing yourself, it means believing in yourself.

It’s not easy to remember who you truly are, but if you can just start to see a little of the amazing, unique and brilliant person you are, the whole game of life will change.

Should you need a little more help with this, there’s a long time favourite book of mine that helped me in my early days of switching from negative conversations to a whole new and positive tone.

First written donkey’s years ago by Dr. Shad Helmstetter, under a slightly different name and now called Negative Self-talk And How to Change It. Dr. Helmstetter gives you all of the  information you need to change negative self-talk, in a short, easy-to-read format.

Also included is a special “Guide to Changing Your Self-Talk” from The Self-Talk Institute.

5. Listen to the right voice

You don’t need negative conversations or thoughts or feelings that simply make you feel bad,  You don’t need negative thoughts that give you a false sense of self. Most of them aren’t true.  And are often outright lies.

They diminish your self-confidence which creates a spiral of negativity. You can begin to quiet those negative conversations by practicing listening to the small voice of positivity and success that’s available to everyone.  This voice struggles to be hear above the loudness of the voice of negativity and failure, but if you attempt to hear it you can stop yourself from drifting back to the things you say to yourself that hurt more than they help.

Whilst we might never totally eliminate the negative conversations that speak to us of failure, disaster or catastrophe, we have freedom of choice to follow whichever voice we want.

None of us would purposefully follow a voice that urges us to feel and act in a way that isn’t in our best interests, yet far too often we are persuaded to repeat this same error.  Look at me, I managed to follow a voice that really didn’t do me much good, until I got the message!

The bottom line is that practicing a little discipline in turning your focus to that quieter voice within allows it to flourish and each time you manage this that little voice responds and grows in strength.

Final thoughts on those negative conversations

It’s up to each of us to make a conscious decision to reach higher, reach for that better life through the discipline of our thinking and self-talk. It’s up to each of us to believe that we can have all that we want and become all that we choose to be, but we can’t do this without making any changes in the way we think.

Your future is as beautiful and wonderful as the thoughts you think and the things you tell yourself along the way. 

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Elle,

    I love all these tips, but this one especially made me think: “To be the best you can be you must believe in your mind that you are the best. We can’t live in two minds with two competing thoughts at the same time, and there is no shame in assuming you are the best, in fact it is critical to squashing negative thoughts about yourself.” I hadn’t thought about it this way before, but it makes so much sense that having a mind full of competing thoughts will only keep us stuck in place. Thanks!

    • Hi Sandra – glad you enjoyed the article. It seemed a very relevant time to write this in today’s climate of doubt and anxiety. 🙂

  2. Working with your self-talk is so important. It shapes our experience of literally everything in life. I know that changing mine has made a huge difference in my life.

    I like the suggestion to “practice dissatisfaction”. That’s a new way to look at it. 🙂

    • Hi Debbie, I’m thrilled for you that your self-talk has made a huge difference in your life. 🙂

  3. I remember reading things by Matthew Perry who always said that we’re all “maker upper’s” because we constantly make up stories for ourselves about our world. We subconsciously tell ourselves how to interpret things that happen. When you can be more conscious about the stories you make up and only make up positive, supportive ones, your world changes because your beliefs and stories about it are changed. Your words are spot on Elle!

    • I love that term “maker-uppers” Paige, I haven’t heard of it before, but it totally resonates with me. Change our stories change our lives. I will confess that my stories every now and then aren’t what I would wish them to be, but I have learned to add at the end of those something that I’m grateful for regarding that ‘less-than’ made-up story.

  4. Elle you know I am all for postiive self talk! Over the years and with practice, I have managed to develop the habit of automatic positive self talk. So everytime my mind goes into a negative scenario, almost instantly my mind is able to create a positive scenario of the same situation. This helps immensely cause for the most part the monkey mind is always jumping in the negative direction. Like you said, a little self discipline and we can beat that negative self talk for good.

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