Whinging was forbidden in our house.  Maybe I’m overstating a bit.   It was frowned upon…doesn’t that sound a little better?  But just in case my sister’s reading this and squeals on me,  I confess my exaggeration;  it was merely discouraged.

So there wasn’t a lot of point in whining, but hey it was always worth a try, you never knew your luck, you might just get what you wanted.

And try I did.  Imagine this, in the whiniest voice possible… I can’t do it.  She’s being mean to me.  But he did it first.  It’s their fault. But I want to…..

It wasn’t until years later that I understood the no whingeing rule.

It wasn’t because whining kids can be a pain in the derriere, although I’ve discovered for myself that its true.  It wasn’t because whining kids are such a emotional drain…even though they can be, it was because whining wasn’t  a positive, constructive thing to do.

My Mum knew that feeling was the secret.

Emotionalized thoughts are like little magnets.  They become our vibration of being, our resonance, attracting experiences of a similar nature.  I think my Mum wanted better for her kids.

I saw the ‘feelings as magnets’ play out with my friend Amy.

She went through a messy divorce.  I think it was a messy marriage too and when it was all over she was convinced that all men were bastards.

She was a really unhappy camper.

She joined a group of women who all agreed that men were good for nothings.  It was what she spoke about…a lot and presumably thought about… a lot.  She had very strong feelings about it.

Time went by and she wanted a relationship.

A loving, rewarding, supportive relationship.  Who wouldn’t?  But sadly what kind of men do you think Amy attracted?  Just a rhetorical question…one we all know the answer to.

She wasn’t attracting high quality men into her life. What a surprise!

Couple on Seat, Lynn Chadwick 1984. Cabot Square E14

It wasn’t a deliberate thing. No one intentionally chooses thoughts and feelings that limit their life in some way.  But we’ve all accepted some kind of limiting beliefs about ourselves, or our society, or reality.

For every person who feels that it’s hard to make money, or to have a great relationship, or be healthier or happier there’s another one who believes making money is easy, has great relationships and couldn’t be happier and healthier.  Who’s right?  Both are.

We don’t get want we want, we get who we are.  And who we are is that composite of all we believe and accept as true and real.

And the great news is that the power for change lies within each of us.  Choosing feelings that better serve us is the way to the realization of our dreams.  Never choose a feeling that doesn’t contribute towards your happiness for feelings are the causes of our actions and circumstances of life.

Encourage each other.

Love Elle





Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Maria Pal

    Exceptional article.. Thank you for reminding us the big truth about the choice of our own feelings..
    Keep encouraging us!!

    • Elle

      Hi Maria, your comments encourage me, thank you so much for joining in.

    • Elle

      Thanks Dennis. Appreciate that so much.

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