true loveTrue love.

Isn’t that what you want in a relationship?

Loving someone and having them love you back is one of the most incredibly beautiful experiences in the world…so what stops us from knowing it, from having it?

True love isn’t something you have to chase, it’s more like like a true friend. True love speaks kindly, forgives quickly and accepts unconditionally.

But sometimes we’re so busy chasing after love that we can’t see what’s right in front of our nose and we let the possibility of deep, true and lasting love wither and die on the vine because we’re seeking a grape that tastes or looks different.

You must open yourself to be loved by those who truly love you and stop pursuing love as something out there.

Don’t miss out on experiencing a relationship that nourishes your heart and soul, because you are too busy running around looking for love in all the wrong places.

1. You need to know

True love is not the fairytale kind that never involves the mundane things of life like dishes and laundry and managing money. It’s about finding the magic in the mundane and viewing the normal housekeeping events of life as points of gratitude.

I once participated in bereavement counseling, having experienced loss far too early in my life. One thing that struck me like a dagger through the heart was hearing a woman say that she would give anything to have her husband’s pile of dirty laundry back. She didn’t know about the magic in the mundane until it was too late.

true love

2. You need to know

[socialpug_tweet tweet=”True love is a conscious and deliberate choice made every single day.” display_tweet=”True love is a conscious and deliberate choice made every single day.”]

It isn’t going to drag you down, but like a true friend will inspire you and encourage you. It will always have your back, even in your worst moments. Having to manage cruelty and unkindness in the name of love does not remotely come under the heading of true love.  When love is true you know that the only loving thing to do in response to this is moving yourself out of harm’s way.

3. You need to know

That in a truly loving and healthy relationship, vulnerability is not only okay it’s necessary. It’s not an opportunity to exert power, but a chance to make or allow amends. A moment that leads to greater intimacy and closeness. Vulnerability is often the birthplace of true, heart felt love and the source of empathy, joy, belonging and genuine authenticity.

4. You need to know

That finding something to appreciate about your partner shouldn’t be something you struggle with. You might have to open your eyes a little to see more clearly, but if those little everyday things aren’t easy to see or aren’t even there, trust me, you’re not in a true love relationship.

5. You need to know

Real love can be a series of daily rituals designed to create an atmosphere of compassion, respect and yes forgiveness when necessary. Don’t be scared to step out of the routine and renegotiate your relationship agreement. Even if it was unspoken and became an agreement through habit.  Agreements need to be updated and renewed as you both grow and expand yourselves and your love.

6. True Love

Is giving up your need to be right all the time. Oftentimes we don’t need a mind that speaks well for it’s point of view, but a heart that listens. You can have disagreements with one another without being disrespectful.

7. Final thoughts

After reading through all these ideas on what you need to know, you might feel like, “Okay, that’s it for me…I’m rubbish at this. I might just as well give up now.”

Don’t you dare.

I didn’t know any of these things back in the day. Not one single one.

Not only did most of my relationships bite the dust before they’d really got started, but I was mistreated, emotionally abused, and got involved with narcissists and/or alcoholics.

And I’m still here. I learned from each mistakes and every failure. I devoted time to knowing myself, to understanding how life worked and took good advice from those further along the journey than I was.  And today I’m the happiest woman in the world, married to the most caring, nurturing, thoughtful man in the world.

That’s how life happens, how real love happens. You live and learn.

If you’re not experiencing any signs of true love in your relationship today, it just means you’re at a different stage of your journey. Take some time, do what you need to do to learn what you need to learn and never, ever lose faith in your ability to experience true, deep, lasting love.

It’s your birthright.

You were born a loving, incredible human being and there’s one way to absolutely, definitely know and experience true love.


Keep on keeping on.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Elle, I have had no idea. Thanks for sharing about your journey. It’s great to know that after a series of bad relationships, you have finally found true love. You certainly deserve the best! We all do!

  2. Great tips here, Elle on appreciating a loving relationship. To have a lasting relationship, I have found love takes conscious commitment and at times, a bit of work. However, when I try and make myself a better partner, I end being the one that is rewarded. Thanks for the great reminder!

  3. I find that your advice is applicable to being happy and healthy in general. It works for finding true love and happiness by yourself. Thanks for the wisdom.

  4. This is beautiful! I especially like: ” It’s about finding the magic in the mundane.” And that true love is a conscious choice every day!

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