Have you ever noticed how everyone else is pretty blooming marvellous at what they do?
If you’re a songwriter or a poet, there’s that other person who writes oh so much better than you? Same could be said if you’re a blogger of course. Or what about that entrepreneur. Wow, they entrepreneur so much better than you don’t they? No corrections needed on my English thank you.
Be you a butcher, baker or candlestick maker I bet you know someone who does it soooo much greater, bigger, grander, and yes…better.
But I’m going to let you into a little known secret.
They probably think the very same thing about you. That’s right…you.
It’s the easiest thing in the world for us to fall the trap of seeing everyone else zipping through life on their own little creative zip liners, eons ahead of us. Flashing by as they fulfill their every dream with ease and grace, leaving us standing in their dust.
It’s oh so easy to idealize people we don’t know.
They just ‘seem’ to be so dazzling. Their work ‘seems’ to be more unique. What the heck they ‘seem’ to have it all.
The truth is, we’re not all zipping along in brilliant flashes of creativity at all.
In fact we’re all pretty much in the same, sometimes leaky boat. No zipping involved.
We’re all putting on our trousers one leg at a time, and okay, we might every now and then have a super duper idea whilst we’re at it. But generally speaking we’re all muddling through, losing our car keys, burning dinner, writing rubbish and having to start over.
The key to it all is what we choose to believe. And notice I said choose here. The beliefs we hold aren’t set in stone…but they have an iron grip on our psyche and our soul.
I recently watched two friends talking about their different spiritual beliefs and whilst it was a real insight into how tightly we hold onto whatever belief we’ve chosen to accept as true for us, it was also sad to see them both desperate to have their belief validated by being ‘right’.
Hey guys…they’re just beliefs…they have no power in and of themselves…only what we give to them. Life and all it’s ups and downs happens to us because we believe what we believe. Whatever that is.
We have interesting beliefs don’t we?
I’m not very good at that.
Right you are.
I don’t know how to do this.
Right you are.
I’m not as good as the next person.
Right you are.
I’m not very confident.
Right you are.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not knocking beliefs. We all have them. We can’t be without them. We need them to be able to interpret what’s happening in our life. What’s valuable to us in life. But what really matters is that we choose the beliefs that work for us, and not against us.
If putting others on a pedestal and seeing them as doing everything so much better than you is a huge motivator for you…go for it. More power to your elbow. . But if it’s yet another discouraging thought…it’s time to turn it around.
There’s a huge difference between being motivated by another’s success and judging ourselves and finding ourselves wanting compared to someone else. Let’s go for discernment as opposed to judgement. Let’s go for choosing a belief that serves us well. That doesn’t diminish who we are.
We all have our gifts and talents that are uniquely ours…we just need to unwrap them, acknowledge them and use them.
We all have our own light that needs to shine into the world. We need just a sliver of belief in our abilities for that creative inner power to begin to work it’s magic.
We’re not at the mercy of any outside force, or old experiences, unless we believe we are.
Your future is being created by the beliefs you hold now.
And the thing that speaks most loudly to the belief in your success, is being willing to say ‘yes, please‘. And ‘thanks very much‘. This puts you in a position to receive.
So let’s take some action. And no, for all those who think I’m talking about doing something. I’m not. As always it’s the inner action that makes all the difference. It’s the inner action which stirs our subconscious, our creative power, into accepting a new belief and then bringing it into being.
Make an Assessment
Is this belief serving me well? Do I want to keep it or have I outgrown it and am I ready and willing to feel confidence flowing through me?
Make a Commitment
To see the confident, talented you. Probably the one that others see regularly, but for some reason you haven’t accepted or acknowledged it. A commitment is a promise and we’re going to require some focus to begin to see ourselves as we want to be. Commit to your success.
And just for these who absolutely have to be ‘doing’ something.
Got doubts? Write them down and challenge them. Don’t just accept them as true for you.
Create An Image
Of you as a totally confident being. You’ve chosen to be more, not less. In nature things grow as large as they can. No limitations. It’s time for us to recognize our true nature…that of spiritual, growth seeking, beings. It doesn’t serve anyone for us to play small. Your successes help us all.
Create a strong mental image of achieving your goal, finishing your project, experiencing success in any venture you choose.
Picture your happy, smiling confident face and feel confidence oozing out of every pore before you tackle your next project, be it as humble as making a phone call or as magnificent as that next piece of art you produce.
Got feedback? I’d love to hear in the comments where you’ve lacked confidence and what changes you decided to make. Your experiences may help someone else in our global community.
Encourage one another.
26 thoughts on “Cultivate Confidence: A Brief Guide.”
Comparisonitis is such an energy drain and waste of time! As I become older and wiser I’ve been spending more of my time noticing the good, noticing what I love about others, what I can learn from them etc. Feels so much better than comparing and finding myself lacking!
I love the way you used the phrase comparisonitis…Sandi…made me laugh. And your way of moving through life finding things to love and learn is a wonderful thing for you and for those you meet up with. I like your view of life. 🙂
One of the best things I’ve done is put MYSELF more into all of my sites and blogs. Anyone can write text book material. But people want to read from other “people”. I’m going to offend many, but so many others are going to laugh their booties off.
Just like in life, I am working on making business about me and taking others along for the ride 😉
Welcome to the conversation Val and thanks for sharing your perspective. Your confidence and willingness to step up and be bold…shines through. Kudos to you kiddo. 🙂
You have such a sense of humor! I love zip lining by the way! I have a big smile on my face today as I round third base and head home;)
Why doesn’t it surprise me that you love zip lining…because you are the ‘boldest’ woman I know. It’s so great to smile your way through life Tess…and you do it so well. 🙂
Focusing on what it is I want and allowing it to happen keeps me grounded on not comparing myself to others. It’s an energy vampire. I’m letting my dreams to be come reality – I’ve finally reached the intersect where I know that anything is truly possible. Oh yes, and I still have my moments of self doubt but I pull myself back to the ‘wise knowing me’ that reminds me of who I am meant to be. xxoo-Fran
Ooh I like that Fran ‘energy vampire’. I also like the idea of you ‘wise knowing you’ being in charge…now that’s the way to go. 🙂
Your post makes me think of the Henry Ford quote: “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t-you’re right” 🙂 I just stood up and applauded!
You are so sweet Vidya…no-one does confidence better than you kiddo. 🙂
I remember a saying that I would give to parents when I was teaching – “Every child has a gift, some just haven’t been opened yet.” We all do have gifts to share and when we stop listening to our inner critic, they emerge and bloom.
What a great thing to tell parents Cathy…doesn’t surprise me at all, coming from you. And yes that inner critic can be a little terror. 🙂
What more can i say, Elle, you said it all and very well I might add. Life is a choice and when we all choose to win and be the best we can be, the world benefits.
Yes, i too have learned more each day about myself, I throw the basket away I was hiding under and will let my light shine. Glad that your light is shining so brightly Elle. Keep it up.
Now that’s cool Debbie, throwing away the basket you were hiding under and shining your light into the world. We need it, bright soul that you are. 🙂
When we truly believe that we’ll never achieve a certain thing, the chances are we won’t. And not because we don’t necessarily have the potential, skill, time or opportunity but mostly because we don’t have the self-belief. Positive beliefs produce positive thoughts, decisions, behaviors and reactions which, in turn, are more likely to produce positive experiences, results and reality.
And naturally, negative beliefs will do the opposite.
And while that last paragraph might sound like self-help mumbo-jumbo and some kind of fluffy motivational psychology, it’s literally how this stuff works. It’s an insight into the relationship between our internal and external realities. Negative people tend to look for problems, barriers and reasons to fail while their positive counterparts look for solutions, opportunities and reasons to succeed.
In most cases, they will each find what they’re looking for.
Hello Craig and thanks for joining in the conversation. I like your take on the world and I absolutely agree that we find what we seek. Which is why I believe the pessimist and the optimist are both right…in their own world. 🙂
I couldn’t agree with you more Elle! One of my favorite quotes is “Change your thoughts, change your life.” Thanks for these reminders!!
I lost confidence after being let go of a job a year ago. A new friend helped me realize the job loss wasn’t a reflection on me, Since then, I have been using my writing talents and recently realized I am very happy in my new life.
Susan that’s a wonderfully positive experience for you. How lovely to be living your very own creative dream. Kudos to you kiddo. 🙂
Thank you, Elle, and thank you for the great post.
I love your post. It’s all in our mind, isn’t it?
By the way, it’s the first time I’m here, but I’ll certainly be back. 🙂
Welcome Cornel and thanks for contributing to the conversation. And yes…it’s an inside job isn’t it. 🙂
I love the message you are expressing here. I dabble a little with writing, having picked it up as means to provide extra income while I stay home with the kids. A friend suggested this and I can’t help but find myself making comparisons between the sheer volume of work she and I produce. She does so much more than me and produces at a higher quality. Or so I think. I am going to take your advice to heart and try to remind myself that I’m equally as good and can probably do as much as she if our circumstances were flipped. Doing this allows me to stay upbeat about the situation. I began believing that the amount and quality of my work is as excellent as anybody’s out there. The only person I need to compare myself to are my past and my perceived future self. Both don’t really exist but between the two I can get a good gauge of where I am now. And each time I find that I’m doing fine.
Ellenn, I think it’s fabulous that you can see yourself as perhaps the rest of us might see you (if we knew you better). And you’re so right reminding yourself about your value and worth, feels soooo much better. 🙂
One thing that I have discovered lately is that we are all just people and everyone does struggle with the same things. It’s all in how you react to the things in life that come your way to make the person you are. It’s easy to get caught up in worrying about what others think about you and thinking that you don’t have it made like they do, but if you are not grateful for the the way your life is now, you probably won’t be grateful for the way your life is when it is where you think it should be having accomplished ABC or attained XYZ.
I think that this is the key to confidence… If we are thankful for the things in our life already, and the successes that we have already had, those things will only grow which in return build our confidence more. It’s a cycle
Thanks for the post!
So true Shawn, perspective is everything. And responding rather than reacting is most definitely the way to go…when we can! And the cycle of gratitude is indeed a builder and maker of an even greater life. Appreciate your insights. 🙂