Reading time: 3 minutes
The ones who seem to have the most remarkable relationship.
A conscious, loving relationship.
The relationship you thought you’d have, but somehow, for some reason that you don’t understand, it hasn’t materialized for you.
It’s troubling and a problem that plagues a lot of people on the planet.
It isn’t that you need to have someone around to validate you, but why can’t you experience that blazingly brilliant, conscious, loving, joy filled relationship you keep hearing about?
And what exactly does that look like anyway? Never having had it, it’s hard to know how the lucky few who do experience it, create it, and best of all maintain it.
What is the recipe for this conscious, loving relationship that everyone seeks?
These are the things I learned as I careened my way from one rocky relationship to another into my last and final romance. A totally conscious, loving relationship.
1. The We-Attitudes
Above all, you must have a ‘we-attitude’ in your relationship.
Recognizing that there’s you, me and we, is essential if you’re to experience a conscious loving relationship.
Far too often we get caught up with the ‘me’ element, where I’m the most important person who needs to get what they want. And other times the ‘you’ element takes over where I’m downgrading my needs to fit what you want.
Leaving ‘we’ out in the cold.
The ‘we’ of a relationship is the core, the strength, the miracle of the relationship and the best question to ask when in doubt as to what should be done even in the most seemingly unsolvable situations is…what most benefits our ‘we?’
2. Stop competing
A competitive personal relationship can’t and won’t flourish. You’ve seen it before, maybe even experienced it.
One person has a big success or happy experience and the other one makes it all about them. Instead of congratulations petty jealousy rears its ugly head.
This competitiveness in your relationship needs to be thrown out and replaced with co-operation and celebration for the wins of the other.
There’s no way to create a joy filled, conscious relationship with someone who’s totally involved in their ‘me’.
Keeping the focus on connection, on co-operation, deepens the bonds we make of our heart and soul and mind.
The stronger the bond, the more beautiful the relationship tapestry that we weave.
And best of all we’re in it together. I guarantee dear ones…it’s a win/win.
3. Don’t try to extricate joy
If your happiness depends on you squeezing as much joy out of your partner as possible you’re trying to live the impossible dream.
At the heart of all great love stories lies a spirit based consciousness.
With a mindset that is always moving forward toward growing joy and greater emotional connection.
And this begins within.
Because here’s the real beauty of it.
When you discover the source of joy in life lies in you, your relationship becomes about sharing that joy with another. Not trying to extricate a few drops at a time out of someone else.
How could you possibly have anything other than a conscious loving relationship with anyone if you were there to share your joy with them?
4. The final practice
A conscious loving relationship is a daily dance.
A ritual of appreciation, honesty, acceptance, communication, and opening and stretching your heart and soul by showing up and growing beyond who you both used to be.
Sadly too many of us never make a heartfelt commitment…
To stick it out and work it out.
To be brave enough to share how we truly feel, without blame or shame.
To keep the relationship agreement, even if it’s unspoken, but is a habit of relating, unless and until we need to create a new agreement.
And then consciously communicate that need to our partner and be impeccable in our fulfillment of it.
5. Last words on what you need to know about a conscious loving relationship
We can’t have great relationships when we feel unlovable or undeserving within.
We can’t have great relationships when we use a previous, maybe miserable relationship, as a template to follow, we’re just going to keep getting the same old warmed-over stuff for ever more.
But you can be one of the fortunate ones who experience a conscious loving relationship and I’m here to remind you that…
Today you might feel this relationship is beyond your reach, but it’s not.
Today you might feel too demoralized and unlucky to even try, but you’re not.
You can turn within and reinvent yourself, and your relationship patterns will follow suit.
That’s living and loving consciously. And you can do this.
Encourage one another