Most of us are people pleasers to some degree or another. It’s part of being human. But it can steal our peace of mind when it’s taken to levels that aren’t healthy. Jim Rohn once said, “Learn how to say no, Don’t let your mouth overload your back.” Yet this was the world I lived in for more years than I can remember. I couldn’t say no. My mouth overloaded my back. How did I learn this inability to say no? I don’t know. But wherever it came from, it was there. And today I understand it to be an emotional need that I couldn’t quite pinpoint. Though if insisted upon, I would probably pick the need to be liked. Anyway, if you, too, go out of your way to be helpful and ‘kind’ and consistently say yes, even when you’re overloaded, it sounds like you may have some people…
Tony Robbins says: The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. And I can say hand on heart that I have found this to be an eternal truth in my life. With the added disclaimer that relationships are not always straightforward, though. Are they? And there’s nothing so painful as when relationships turn out badly. Let’s begin right at the beginning: You don’t get what you want; you get who you are So who are you in terms of relationships? Are you someone who has been hurt, wounded, or abused in some way? Do you have a perspective on relationships that are less than optimistic, perhaps downright pessimistic? And now you have no trust in healthy, happy relationships. If this is you, then this is what you’ll get. And this state of mind will never draw a lasting, loving relationship. Even if you desire to experience a…
Updated September 2022 We all want to know how to stop feeling miserable on those days that start with us feeling totally down, blah, a little blue, or cranky and dejected. If you’re a part of humanity, chances are high that you have felt or are feeling miserable. Who hasn’t had days that start with feeling down, blah, blue, or cranky and dejected? Sometimes without even knowing why. But whatever the reason, it doesn’t bode well for the day ahead, and knowing it isn’t the path to enjoying life makes it feel worse. But before you jump back into bed and hide under the covers, take heart. There is something good in all that misery you’re feeling. You’re aware of it. And even though it might not seem like it, this is a good thing. Without awareness, nothing can change. Of course, awareness doesn’t mean that what you’re dealing with…
Updated Version When you feel rejected, it can be a painful experience. In fact it’s considered one of the most painful experiences we encounter as human beings. Research shows that experiencing social rejection fires up the same neural pathways as physical pain. Who knew? Well probably those of us who are extremely sensitive to rejection. And for those who are extremely sensitive in can also feel like a signal that they’re not good enough. We don’t talk about the fear of being rejected very much because it can be as painful an experience as feeling abandoned. And very likely comes from the same place, usually connected to the initial relationships we had with our caretakers. I know this was true for me…by the time I was five I had acquired the feeling of being abandoned. Maybe because for the first four years of my life my father was away in…
We’ve all experienced those sinking feelings in the pit of our stomach when we feel we’ve done something wrong. We haven’t kept our word, we let someone down, we did something that we believe to be awful and we are left feeling terrible. It doesn’t seem to matter much that what we did could easily have been forgiven or forgotten by those involved, except us. Some guilt is good for us as a society, because it tends to modulate the actions we take and too little guilt not so good for our societies because we end up with a society totally lacking in motivation for control. On the other hand, too much guilt can be pretty bad for us as individuals, especially when we feel guilt for things no longer in our control, or are about what others would consider to be minor lapses in judgment. And before we can…