4 Essential Tools to Stop Caring What Other People Think About You

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I’d like to ask you a couple of simple questions.

What if you could stop caring what other people think about you?

What difference would that make in your world?

Sometimes caring what others think seeps into every area of our life and it has a bigger impact on us than we might think. 

Far too many of us do things, or don’t do things, because we care what other people think. 

Our lives aren’t really our own. We’re not always doing things because we believe in them, but because it’s expected, based on how we think other people see us.

“What would my colleagues think if I voiced my opinion and it was different from theirs?”

“Do these pants make my bum look big?”

“If I change direction at school, in my career, in my life what would those closest to me think or have to say?”

What kind of life do we live when it’s mainly dictated by what other people think?

Especially when you consider life is so short that you don’t have time to live someone else’s life AND do the one thing that makes you unique.

Imagine the possibilities of treasuring your uniqueness. Of never sacrificing who you are or who you want to become because someone else has a different perspective of you.

It’s time to love who you are both within and without as you move forward in life and stop caring what other people think about you.

Never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone else has a problem with it.Click To Tweet

 Instead, learn to love who you are inside and out as you forge ahead to your future.

And here’s 4 essential tools you can use to stop tiptoeing through life because the one thing you want most in the world doesn’t stand a chance unless you give it one.

1. A mental hammer

To hit your need for external validation on the head

The ultimate goal is to create your own reality, not allow the opinions of others to determine who you are and what you want.  Losing yourself in the opinions of others is easy but it makes it much harder to find yourself again.

So stop caring what others think about you and invest time instead in becoming conscious of where the power of the thinking of others plays out in your life. Then you can decide on a new response.

Don’t allow a thought in your head or an emotion in your heart to determine the nature of your life experiences.  It’s time to knock the idea that you need external validation on the head.

You don’t.  You never did.  No-one has the power to decide who you are or what you want unless you hand it over to them.

Value yourself.

2. A magnifying glass

To focus your attention on what matters to YOU!

There’s always someone who won’t understand what you’re trying to say. Always someone who will misinterpret your words.  You have no control over them.

This only matters as much as you think it does.

What matters more is how you see yourself and your life.

Don’t second guess the decisions you make.  Stay true to your core values and be happy that what you’re doing feels right.

If you’re not sure what your are values are. Ask yourself a few questions.

What excites me most in or about life?

What annoys me most in or about life?

If you could share 3 things with others about what excites you most what would you teach?

For instance, I would pick personal and spiritual development as the thing that excites me most about life.  And would choose to share how important this is for the foundation of living the life we want. That it’s the process of the ever expanding potential within us all.

What would you choose?

It may seem simplistic but focusing your attention on deciding what is really important to you prevents others from making that choice for you. Your mind is busy doing what you want it to do and doesn’t have time to care what others think of you!

3. A pocket full of Fertilizer

To grow yourself

A big part of not caring what others think is being comfortable with who you are.  This is hard when other people’s opinions are the deciding factor.

Nobody said it better than  Anais Nin “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Not everyone will see you in your true light. Not everyone will look beyond the mistakes and false starts and when you care too much about what others think you too can’t see your true light.

The truth is that to grow ourselves we have to change. And we change by learning.  Throw yourself into life wholeheartedly, treasuring the uniqueness that is you.

Learning how to spread your wings and fly means stepping outside of your comfort zone.  You and I might be products of our past, but we don’t need to be confined by it.

Be the one you were meant to be.

4. A spotlight

To shine a light on your passion and enthusiasm

The most fundamental responsibility you have is to be joyously happy.  If you are not happy, what will you do with your life?

It doesn’t matter whether your ultimate goal is business success, financial success, greater education or being of service.  You are doing this because deep within is a belief that this will bring you happiness.

Every action, every desire we have springs from the belief that it will make us happy, because this is the nature of who we are.

A couple of days ago I sat in the dentist’s office and listened to his unbridled enthusiasm for something he had ordered that was going to change the way he took care of his patients.  It was a machine, as I understood it with my limited knowledge of dentistry, that allowed him to create his own crowns.  No more waiting weeks for some outside laboratory.

He was like a kid in a candy store.  Totally enthralled and blissed out.   He was filled with passion and enthusiasm and willingly accepted the hours of training he would need.  He could hardly wait.

It was awesome to be connected to this passion and enthusiasm. It lit every fibre of his being and spilled over on to the rest of us.

He could care less what everyone else thought.  To him it was exciting and innovating and he was fired up.

Turn the spotlight onto what lights your spark of enthusiasm and passion and your involvement with them will raise you to a new dimension of experiencing life.

No longer will you be held captive by caring what others think.

5. Final thoughts

It might be hard to go after what you want because you’re so used to caring what other people think about you and that’s okay.

It’s okay to feel stuck.

It’s okay to feel confused. Just don’t stay there.

This is about how you want to feel on a daily basis and it’s a paradox of life that just when you no longer need the validation of others is the time you’ll get it.  Life can be mysterious!

All you need to do is the best you can in the place where you are because life is calling and you must move towards it with as much passion and enthusiasm as you can muster.  This is the basis of living a fulfilled life.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle

xox

ElleSommer
Elle Sommer is the author and founder of Live Purposefully Now, a website focused on sharing the insights and ancient wisdom that have collectively changed her life, in the desire to make a meaningful impact on yours. Trained at Coach U and having completed a year long training with Bob Proctor, her mission is to encourage and inspire others to build the business, relationships and life they want. Get your free instant access to Success Simplified ebook and get the tips, techniques and secrets of successfully living the life you want.

21 Comments

  • I especially love the idea of the magnifying glass, Elle. It feels very empowering to focus on what feels important to me. Overall, I think I’ve gotten much better about all this, but I know I know I haven’t overcome this tendency entirely so I’m grateful for the reminder and helpful tools.

    • Hi Sandra…I know what you mean about not being totally there yet. That’s one of the things I love about life…we are never finished growing, learning, expanding ourselves. 🙂

  • Elle I love this and so true
    It’s okay to feel stuck.It’s okay to feel confused. Just don’t stay there.
    The magnifying glass is where I am at right mow- or trying to be 🙂
    Thanks love this post, will help many xxx

    • Hi Suzie…it’s too bad we don’t see ourselves as others see us. Because you are such a bright, shining light, I don’t need a magnifying glass to see you. 🙂

  • This is a message that I resonate with. I’ve cared too long about what other people think. I realised that I had sacrificed my own voice and needs in the process. Well, since I took back my power, I’ve connected with deeper insights and find greater fulfilment.

    • I know what you mean Evelyn…it’s taken many years to step away from this and even now I can find myself back in that space of caring too much what others think. The good news is that it doesn’t last…I’m older and wiser! 🙂

  • Elle, I just love this and could not agree more. Our attention and focus are a magnifying glass with which we have the ability to change our experience of this world …and even our physical brains. I also love “The Pocket Full of Fertilizer” analogy for how we need to be kind to and supportive of ourselves. You may see that one again. 😉

  • Another great article, Elle !
    This lesson you so beautifully share with us was a tough one for me.
    It wasn’t until the day I realized that those folks I was so intent on pleasing at the cost of my own growth and expression really wouldn’t notice if I stopped sacrificing myself on the self-glorified altar of other’s opinions.
    I did stop and they didn’t notice and now I really don’t give a good “expletive deleted” what they or my new friends think as I focus on what matters to me !
    Write on, Elle !

    • Hello Joseph and welcome back! You really should write a book my friend, you have such a wonderful turn of phrase…’self-glorified alter of others opinions.’ How fabulous is that. Thank you for sharing your story…how wonderful that you no longer need validation from others…it’s a wonderful place to operate from. 🙂

  • Hi Elle,

    This is such an important post for anyone who wants to live a life focused on what is important to them, rather than concerning themselves with what other people think. I feel that some of this comes with having a few years under your belt. The longer I’m on this planet, the less I care about what others think, and the more I do what feels right or right for me, regardless.

    Thank you for your always needed reminder. Lovely post!

  • I love your toolkit Elle! This is such a powerful reminder of what we miss when we give up our uniqueness to appease someone else’s opinion – thank you.

  • hi. am new to ur blog.. and i must say it came timely…the way you write, it can even inspire dead man.. thankyou soo soo much..leaving inspired.. warm regards

  • Elle,
    This past year my entire life has been turned upside down. I am in a place where this time, last year I would have never even dreamt I would be. My entire life has changed. Unfortunately now I am starting to realize just how much I have allowed the way I feel to about myself to impact every aspect of my life. I was sure my decisions were based on fact not feelings. When I look back now I am seeing a pattern of choices made because I had so much self doubt and worry. It’s not a nice place to be when you realize the problem has been me. Reading these essential tools inspired me. I felt like it was written just for me. However, reading this is easier than doing. I don’t even know how or where to even start. I just know I’m exhausted and want to be a “free” person who can be happy. It’s my way of thinking that I don’t have any idea how often start fixing.

    • I’m so sorry life is tough right now Dee. If it’s any consolation most of us have been there and in some respects some of those old patterns still live on! You’re right reading and discovering where we are is so much easier than finding ways to make the life changes we want to, but don’t know where to start. Why not start small. Look for a book, a video, a seminar…something that allows you to begin to grow in confidence and power. It’s already within you dear one…now it’s about allowing it to express through you. I wish you wonderful things on your new adventure. 🙂

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