I’d like to ask you a couple of simple questions.
What if you could stop caring what other people think about you?
What difference would that make in your world?
Sometimes caring what others think seeps into every area of our life and it has a bigger impact on us than we might think.
Far too many of us do things, or don’t do things, because we care what other people think.
Our lives aren’t really our own. We’re not always doing things because we believe in them, but because it’s expected, based on how we think other people see us.
“What would my colleagues think if I voiced my opinion and it was different from theirs?”
“Do these pants make my bum look big?”
“If I change direction at school, in my career, in my life what would those closest to me think or have to say?”
What kind of life do we live when it’s mainly dictated by what other people think?
Especially when you consider life is so short that you don’t have time to live someone else’s life AND do the one thing that makes you unique.
Imagine the possibilities of treasuring your uniqueness. Of never sacrificing who you are or who you want to become because someone else has a different perspective of you.
It’s time to love who you are both within and without as you move forward in life and stop caring what other people think about you.
Never sacrifice who you are, or who you aspire to be, because someone else has a problem with it.
Instead, learn to love who you are inside and out as you forge ahead to your future.
And here’s 4 essential tools you can use to stop tiptoeing through life because the one thing you want most in the world doesn’t stand a chance unless you give it one.
1. A mental hammer
To hit your need for external validation on the head
The ultimate goal is to create your own reality, not allow the opinions of others to determine who you are and what you want. Losing yourself in the opinions of others is easy but it makes it much harder to find yourself again.
So stop caring what others think about you and invest time instead in becoming conscious of where the power of the thinking of others plays out in your life. Then you can decide on a new response.
Don’t allow a thought in your head or an emotion in your heart to determine the nature of your life experiences. It’s time to knock the idea that you need external validation on the head.
You don’t. You never did. No-one has the power to decide who you are or what you want unless you hand it over to them.
Value yourself.
2. A magnifying glass
To focus your attention on what matters to YOU!
There’s always someone who won’t understand what you’re trying to say. Always someone who will misinterpret your words. You have no control over them.
This only matters as much as you think it does.
What matters more is how you see yourself and your life.
Don’t second guess the decisions you make. Stay true to your core values and be happy that what you’re doing feels right.
If you’re not sure what your are values are. Ask yourself a few questions.
What excites me most in or about life?
What annoys me most in or about life?
If you could share 3 things with others about what excites you most what would you teach?
For instance, I would pick personal and spiritual development as the thing that excites me most about life. And would choose to share how important this is for the foundation of living the life we want. That it’s the process of the ever expanding potential within us all.
What would you choose?
It may seem simplistic but focusing your attention on deciding what is really important to you prevents others from making that choice for you. Your mind is busy doing what you want it to do and doesn’t have time to care what others think of you!
3. A pocket full of Fertilizer
To grow yourself
A big part of not caring what others think is being comfortable with who you are. This is hard when other people’s opinions are the deciding factor.
Nobody said it better than Anais Nin “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”
Not everyone will see you in your true light. Not everyone will look beyond the mistakes and false starts and when you care too much about what others think you too can’t see your true light.
The truth is that to grow ourselves we have to change. And we change by learning. Throw yourself into life wholeheartedly, treasuring the uniqueness that is you.
Learning how to spread your wings and fly means stepping outside of your comfort zone. You and I might be products of our past, but we don’t need to be confined by it.
Be the one you were meant to be.
4. A spotlight
To shine a light on your passion and enthusiasm
The most fundamental responsibility you have is to be joyously happy. If you are not happy, what will you do with your life?
It doesn’t matter whether your ultimate goal is business success, financial success, greater education or being of service. You are doing this because deep within is a belief that this will bring you happiness.
Every action, every desire we have springs from the belief that it will make us happy, because this is the nature of who we are.
A couple of days ago I sat in the dentist’s office and listened to his unbridled enthusiasm for something he had ordered that was going to change the way he took care of his patients. It was a machine, as I understood it with my limited knowledge of dentistry, that allowed him to create his own crowns. No more waiting weeks for some outside laboratory.
He was like a kid in a candy store. Totally enthralled and blissed out. He was filled with passion and enthusiasm and willingly accepted the hours of training he would need. He could hardly wait.
It was awesome to be connected to this passion and enthusiasm. It lit every fibre of his being and spilled over on to the rest of us.
He could care less what everyone else thought. To him it was exciting and innovating and he was fired up.
Turn the spotlight onto what lights your spark of enthusiasm and passion and your involvement with them will raise you to a new dimension of experiencing life.
No longer will you be held captive by caring what others think.
5. Final thoughts
It might be hard to go after what you want because you’re so used to caring what other people think about you and that’s okay.
It’s okay to feel stuck.
It’s okay to feel confused. Just don’t stay there.
This is about how you want to feel on a daily basis and it’s a paradox of life that just when you no longer need the validation of others is the time you’ll get it. Life can be mysterious!
All you need to do is the best you can in the place where you are because life is calling and you must move towards it with as much passion and enthusiasm as you can muster. This is the basis of living a fulfilled life.
Encourage one another.
Love Elle
xox
Other posts you might like on this topic
HOW DO I DISCOVER MY LIMITING BELIEFS
HOW TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK OF YOU
HOW TO STOP BEING SAD AND START FEELING HAPPY
HOW TO STOP MESSING UP YOUR LIFE AND LET GO OF THE PAST
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30 Comments
I especially love the idea of the magnifying glass, Elle. It feels very empowering to focus on what feels important to me. Overall, I think I’ve gotten much better about all this, but I know I know I haven’t overcome this tendency entirely so I’m grateful for the reminder and helpful tools.
Hi Sandra…I know what you mean about not being totally there yet. That’s one of the things I love about life…we are never finished growing, learning, expanding ourselves. 🙂
Elle I love this and so true
It’s okay to feel stuck.It’s okay to feel confused. Just don’t stay there.
The magnifying glass is where I am at right mow- or trying to be 🙂
Thanks love this post, will help many xxx
Hi Suzie…it’s too bad we don’t see ourselves as others see us. Because you are such a bright, shining light, I don’t need a magnifying glass to see you. 🙂
This is a message that I resonate with. I’ve cared too long about what other people think. I realised that I had sacrificed my own voice and needs in the process. Well, since I took back my power, I’ve connected with deeper insights and find greater fulfilment.
I know what you mean Evelyn…it’s taken many years to step away from this and even now I can find myself back in that space of caring too much what others think. The good news is that it doesn’t last…I’m older and wiser! 🙂
Elle, I just love this and could not agree more. Our attention and focus are a magnifying glass with which we have the ability to change our experience of this world …and even our physical brains. I also love “The Pocket Full of Fertilizer” analogy for how we need to be kind to and supportive of ourselves. You may see that one again. 😉
Hi Debbie…glad you enjoyed the post. I like the idea that we change our physical brains at the same time. Everything helps! 🙂
Another great article, Elle !
This lesson you so beautifully share with us was a tough one for me.
It wasn’t until the day I realized that those folks I was so intent on pleasing at the cost of my own growth and expression really wouldn’t notice if I stopped sacrificing myself on the self-glorified altar of other’s opinions.
I did stop and they didn’t notice and now I really don’t give a good “expletive deleted” what they or my new friends think as I focus on what matters to me !
Write on, Elle !
Hello Joseph and welcome back! You really should write a book my friend, you have such a wonderful turn of phrase…’self-glorified alter of others opinions.’ How fabulous is that. Thank you for sharing your story…how wonderful that you no longer need validation from others…it’s a wonderful place to operate from. 🙂
Hi Elle,
This is such an important post for anyone who wants to live a life focused on what is important to them, rather than concerning themselves with what other people think. I feel that some of this comes with having a few years under your belt. The longer I’m on this planet, the less I care about what others think, and the more I do what feels right or right for me, regardless.
Thank you for your always needed reminder. Lovely post!
Hi Elle
I love the ‘mental hammer’ -I think I need a ‘mental sledgehammer’
I know just what you mean Mark…I have my moments too. 🙂
I love your toolkit Elle! This is such a powerful reminder of what we miss when we give up our uniqueness to appease someone else’s opinion – thank you.
Hi Laura…thanks as always for stopping by and sharing your thoughts. You are always appreciated. 🙂
Okay! Something I can relate to!
Here I go!????
Yay Iris. You go girl. 🙂
hi. am new to ur blog.. and i must say it came timely…the way you write, it can even inspire dead man.. thankyou soo soo much..leaving inspired.. warm regards
Hi Ananya and welcome…thank you for taking the time to comment. I really appreciate your kind words. 🙂
Elle,
This past year my entire life has been turned upside down. I am in a place where this time, last year I would have never even dreamt I would be. My entire life has changed. Unfortunately now I am starting to realize just how much I have allowed the way I feel to about myself to impact every aspect of my life. I was sure my decisions were based on fact not feelings. When I look back now I am seeing a pattern of choices made because I had so much self doubt and worry. It’s not a nice place to be when you realize the problem has been me. Reading these essential tools inspired me. I felt like it was written just for me. However, reading this is easier than doing. I don’t even know how or where to even start. I just know I’m exhausted and want to be a “free” person who can be happy. It’s my way of thinking that I don’t have any idea how often start fixing.
I’m so sorry life is tough right now Dee. If it’s any consolation most of us have been there and in some respects some of those old patterns still live on! You’re right reading and discovering where we are is so much easier than finding ways to make the life changes we want to, but don’t know where to start. Why not start small. Look for a book, a video, a seminar…something that allows you to begin to grow in confidence and power. It’s already within you dear one…now it’s about allowing it to express through you. I wish you wonderful things on your new adventure. 🙂
This was so powerful for me!! I just happened to find when Pinterest said I had some saves!!! I’m exactly like Dee my whole life is gone that I knew and built. How do you change yourself when yourself was totally serving your husband, his family, your kids(who now hate me because their daddy has all the money), I was a stay at home mom(ran my husbands businesses while he worked a full time job), and was committed to my community. I pushed my husband into politics because I believed he was a very moral man, wrong it brought out what I knew deep down but covered it because of what people would think. How do I find myself after 32 years, raising a grandchild that now I’m not allowed to see, loss of my family because I have nothing but me?
This really helped because I am a great person but don’t know how to have the confidence again or how to start over with my own happiness. I made everyone else happy and NEVER THOUGHT OF MYSELF!!! I have found this the hardest thing to start.
I will keep following you because you gave me a spark no one has shown me for me. I want to be that bubbly, life living, life loving, lots of laughter, trusting people again person God put on this earth.
Please keep the inspirational articles coming so many us need your steps!
I am so sorry Nancy. Life truly has dealt you some blows that some might never have recovered from. But not you dear heart. It’s so awesome to hear you say that you’re ready to be that bubbly, life loving you that’s been hiding in you all this time. You have something unique to offer our world…you are here for a most marvellous purpose. And I for one can’t wait to see you get your shine on. Please, please keep us posted on how your journey progresses…it’s sure to be a wonderful one. Love Elle. 🙂
Ella love you jst awaken my spirit back with yor inspired words…will really need you as my mentor
Hi Alexx glad you enjoy the articles. And thanks for taking the time to leave a comment. 🙂
Amazing post! This is always what I get stuck on… worrying about what others will think. But, then, I don’t really think too much about what they’re doing? So, I guess we’re all just running around worrying about ourselves when others don’t actually care that much 🙂
Hi Maria…lovely to see you here…it’s been a while! Funny how some old beliefs we probably learned as children continue to rear their little heads in our adult world isn’t it. I think it’s true what you say…most people are too busy thinking about themselves to be that interested in what we’re up to. So we might as well focus on what makes us happy and loving and keep doing that. 🙂
Its an amazing amazing article an eye opener as we all have so much talent inside us but we still can’t see to it. just lettin others to decide what best for us. You are the honor of your life and you are the best one to decide which way to put your life cycle on. Again Elle nice use of the words to live life for your purpose not others. Hatsoff to you!?
Hi Manish…I so appreciate you stopping by and sharing your perspective. It’s always good to encourage one another. Thank you. 🙂
Our lives aren’t really our own. We’re not always doing things because we believe in them, but because it’s expected, based on how we think other people see us.
I 100 % agree with you .