Build your self-confidence!

It sounds too good to be true. Can we do that?

Yet we want to have it, we know life would be much easer if we had it and yet, self-confidence remains elusive, without leaving many clues as to how we can get just a little bit more of it.

Is there a confidence gene we could upload or another secret we’ve yet to uncover to channel that inner confidence that others seem to have?  And even for those lucky ducky few, it seems that self-confidence can be a fleeting thing, connected to specific conditions of life.

Have you noticed that all kinds of life experiences can deflate our sense of self-confidence in a blink of an eye and even our self-esteem can take lots of hits. And yes, they are different animals.

Self-esteem tends to be focused on whether you believe others respect or value you, and self-confidence whether you believe in and value yourself.

First the bad news! Most people go through life never feeling truly confident about who they are and the abilities they have.  And worse never even really liking themselves.  And still worse far too often feeling they are not enough. Clearly, this isn’t helpful if you want to build self-confidence.

But, never fear, the good news is that you, dear heart, already have everything you need to gain the self-confidence necessary to live your life on your own terms.

So with that said, what if you could build a level of self-confidence that no circumstance or life experience would shake. How amazing would that be?

There’s enough information out there about creating self-worth and boosting self-confidence so today I’m going to talk about seven ways that haven’t been written or spoken about enough.

Reset your brain to build self-confidence

Sounds weird I know.  But today neuroscientists tell us what spiritual teachers have been talking about for centuries.  You can reset your brain. 

Neuroplasticity is the mind’s ability to change the brain. Simply put, as you change your mind you change your brain.  We all have the same mind, but we have different arrangements of it, leading to different life experiences. For those who’d like to know more about this Dr. Daniel G. Amen has written this fascinating book on the topic.

Think of your mind a bit like a piece of steel that is magnetized, it’s not substantially different from demagnetized steel, it’s only different in the arrangement of its molecules. And your mind is different from another only in its arrangement of your thoughts, beliefs, and perceptions.

You can reset your brain by rearranging your mind to see yourself differently in terms of your self-confidence. You can have different thoughts about yourself and life, and assume and affirm you are filled with confidence. And it’s not that hard.

Find opportunities to congratulate yourself on some accomplishment, however small.  Compliment yourself.  Little things like this mean a lot to you being able to re-set your brain and build your self-confidence.

Live consciously

Become more aware of your self-criticism. Try having an intervention with all the thoughts that make you feel bad. Or at least some of them.  You don’t have to live with negative thoughts, most of them are lies anyway.  As I said in this article, the mind is a great trickster.

The possibilities offered as you live consciously are endless, so why not be one of the very few who direct their thinking into channels that bring the most good, instead of leaving your life to chance.

Decide to see yourself with loving kindness and acceptance of what is challenging you in life. No judgement.  Just take a look every now and then, and when necessary change the usual stories you tell yourself about yourself. This simple act can sometimes be the light that shines the way in some dark patch in life. 

Know yourself

Goes hand in glove with live consciously, but with a twist.  ‘Know Thyself’ is one of the Delphic maxims inscribed in the forecourt of the Temple of Apollo at Delphi.  Socrates said “To know thyself is the beginning of wisdom” and it’s also the beginning of overcoming the negative self-image you hold of yourself. More on that here.

Dig deep and see what limitations you have of yourself and decide whether they’re applicable to you now, or were put there by some limiting experience you once had.

It helps to ask yourself questions in the right way.  You can create positive, affirmative statements in the form of questions, like “Why do things work out so well for me?” As opposed to the usual affirmation which might be “Things work out so well for me.” 

Your subconscious mind simply accepts your statement of how you see yourself as true and gets to work to draw those experiences to you, so make sure it has something positive to work with.

Stop stacking the deck against you

For most people, it’s easy to focus on the ”what went wrong’s, ‘what didn’t work’ or to do lists that never got done.  As a recovering perfectionist I can totally relate to the last one!

This is just discouraging and we need to put a stop to it right now.  You can begin by giving yourself something easy to accomplish and then something else that’s pretty easy for you to do.  This is how you build a stream of successes that feel good. 

Then don’t forget to acknowledge them so you can keep the energy of success flowing to you. Taking the time to reflect on your achievements is a great way to positively reinforce your self-confidence.

Boost others

There’s nothing quite like the energy of supporting someone else.  It feels good to be able to make a difference for others.  One of the great things in life is doing more than survive it’s  thriving and feeling fulfilled.

Looking for something to appreciate in another, being in the habit of praising or complimenting them ,is using your inherent compassion and kindness to make the world a better place.

In fact, the energy that you radiate as you look for something good in someone else floods your life with that same vibration, leading to a happier, more confident you.

Keep on smiling

This might sound trite, but it genuinely works.  Being blessed as a natural smiler from a young age I can tell you that you feel instantly better about life when you’re smiling.  And that old adage, or is it a song, that ‘when you’re smiling the whole world smiles at you’ definitely holds true.

This is a tiny thing that can create a huge chain reaction and brings wonderful rewards for such a little investment of energy.

[socialpug_tweet tweet=”Believe in yourself and the whole world will believe with you.” display_tweet=”Believe in yourself and the whole world will believe with you.”]

Build your self-confidence with empowerment

Feeling empowered is a great strategy for boosting self-confidence and there’s tons of ways to do this. But a really great way is through gaining greater knowledge.  As you become more knowledgable you become more self-confident.

And learning something new will not only build your self-confidence, it’s a brain changer too.  All the better to add to your confidence boosting arsenal.

Do a little research on something you’re interested in, or some project you’re involved with. And of course there’s books, educational institutes, magazines, not forgetting the internet.

I’ve taken classes on photography, creative writing, even learning how to produce spreadsheets that work, all at local classes. Not to mention the many classes I’ve taken online, so I won’t…mention them that is.  Though I will confess that the class on spreadsheets didn’t exactly spark my creative interest so it’s been somewhat neglected in the interim!

Final Thoughts

Back to the earlier question: “What if you could build a level of self-confidence that no circumstance or life experience would shake” take that and rephrase it as an affirmative question, “How come I now have such a high level of self-confidence……” and let your brain/mind get to work proving to you that it’s your truth by producing evidence that it is.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. You know I like the reset your brain part. I also like to think that you may have learned a little bit about neuroplasticity from me. 🙂 They are all very good suggestions. When you change the way you think, you change your brain and life.

    • You made me laugh Debbie…I actually learned a lot about Neuroplasticity from people like Joe Dispenza and in fact have been operating it from a spiritual perspective for some 25 years so it’s not new to me. It’s just that the spiritual element resonates more with me than the clinical, so I tend to write from that perspective…but as Shakespeare put it, a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. And yes, you certainly have a lot of interesting information on the topic also.

    • Thanks Sandra, I’m glad you liked this. :-). Always appreciate hearing from you.

  2. Thanks for sharing and I’m sure many can benefit from the ways that you have mentioned on how to effectively build confidence. I especially love the part where you shared about living consciously. At times, I do fall short on this and I am absolutely aware how powerful it actually can be as we intentionally become aware of mindful practicing it.

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