[success]Some of us think holding on makes us strong: but sometimes it is letting go. ~ Herman Hesse[/success]
You’d been together a long time. You were comfortable with each other, you knew one another’s strengths and weaknesses. You never thought you’d part company and then you did. It was shockingly and suddenly over. You’d actually moved on. It was hard to believe, yet here you were letting go, choosing something new and it was…well okay.
Until one day, those old familiar feelings re-surfaced…aargh…where in the heck did they come from? You thought you were done with them…after all, you’d given them up, hadn’t you?
Apparently not, for here they were in all their glory…having the cheek to show up, just to remind you that breaking up really is hard to do, especially when you’re breaking up with old, familiar and not very helpful negative thoughts.
They say that confession is good for the soul and herein is my confession of my apparent inability to have a decent and total breakup with said negative thoughts.
For the past two days I’ve been taken over by the gremlins of misery. Who are these little creatures and how dare they show up in my otherwise happy clappy, positive world? Hey I’ve just written about letting go of negative feelings here so what a nerve they have.
I won’t lie and tell you it was two whole days of negative thinking, it wasn’t, but it was enough to get my attention, so I sprung into action. Okay, not much springing actually took place, at least not physically, but I geared up my imagination and I got all my tools out and began to whittle away at these unwanted little critters. I needed to pull myself out of these weeds.
Our starting point is:
It begins with being observant because only by paying attention to what you’re feeling can you see the echo of your feelings running through your day. For me, nothing was smooth, nothing was easy…it seemed as though life was flowing one way and there I was pushing hard to go in the other direction. No good was going to come of it…I was never going to come out ahead of the rushing waters of life…but I damn well wasn’t going to drown either.
And yet, I couldn’t get my blooming imagination under control, my mind was running away with me, dire consequences filled my head, the worst outcomes I could come up with. Ha ha I countered them with affirmations of a happier kind.
But I knew the outcome wasn’t assured – the feelings I was experiencing, of grief and loss and disapproving of myself were still there – tucked away in a corner. I hadn’t let go.
The belief that the invisible will be made visible.
St. Augustine said it better than I could…“For what is faith unless it’s to believe what you do not see?”
I knew faith was required of me. I knew if I would but remain faithful to my vision of the experiences I desired to have and the feelings of joy that went hand in hand with them, that there wasn’t any power in the world that could stop me. Not even my niggling, annoying and very loud inner fears, however much they shouted.
Faith is surrender, abandoning oneself to the fulfillment of the desire. Safe in the knowledge it was done, even when it doesn’t seem as though it can be. And so I persisted.
I decided to move away from affirmations into releasing. It’s a technique I’m in the process of learning, and it was perfect right now because it’s all about letting go of feelings. I needed to release two things, feeling I had to control something and feeling disapproved of.
I began with wanting to control something. It’s pretty simple. You ask yourself if you can release having to control…whatever the situation is and the funny thing is, even if you say no…which I did at first, because the fear was too high…it doesn’t matter, the release begins.
Eventually after persistently asking the question and getting to the point where I could say yes…I actually was willing to let go and release the feeling ~ I discovered that the overwhelming sense of fear of heart wrenching loss just disappeared. Honest, hand on heart it did. I tried to access it…I know I’m nutty like that…but I wanted to know…are you still there…I’m also curious like that.
Nope – it was definitely gone, dissolved, disappeared into the ether. I went through the same routine for feeling disapproved of.
Ultimately, I couldn’t access either of these feelings…in their place was a feeling of expansion, of space and peace and quiet. My mind had shut up and boy was I thankful…it’d been driving me crazy on and off for a couple of days.
I share this with you so you know that if you’re in the middle of any sort of break up and your heart is heavy with negative feelings, or when something turns up to bite you in the posterior…and it probably will…it doesn’t mean the system doesn’t work. It’s simply showing you where you are in the arena of life.
If you find yourself sinking into a sea of negativity, don’t give up on yourself. Keep turning away from doubts and fears and place your focus on what you’d rather experience. And if you have to do it on a daily basis for a while…that’s okay.
Don’t give up.
As we persist in hearing and in seeing what we want to see, we will. We’re creating a centre of power within, making a path that all of us can travel and even though some won’t choose to make this journey, it’s so worth it. We might stumble and falter sometimes, as I did, as you might, but the shadows will lighten and the darkness will be lit by the inner light that is us, you and me. And once again we’ll burst out into the sunlight of a better day.
And it feels blooming good.
What have you given up lately? Are you willing to ‘fess up in the comments? Go on, you might just be the voice someone needed to hear today.
Encourage one another.