If you want people to enjoy and really love being around you, there are a few things you can develop that will have others loving the time they have spent with you. And let’s face it who doesn’t enjoy being around a loving, supportive friend or family member where we feel valued and respected?
No matter what you have achieved in this life or what you have gained in terms of physical things, you learn very quickly that a good life consists of not what you have but who we have in your life.
Being able to gain as well as sustain meaningful relationships will be an indication of a quality life. Good friends and good relationships help us enjoy our achievements.
It’s also healing to the mind and body when you are in the company of people who are actively loving you and looking forward to spending time with you.
The issue is that, while we may wish to attract a group of loving supportive friends and people, we may not know how to secure that love and connection. I am sure you have seen people who are always attracting new friends in their life.
However, friends go in and out of their life as quickly and as frequently as a revolving door in Grand Central Station. No one seems to stick around long enough for a solid connection to be created.
Why is that you may ask? The answer is that most people have not yet learned how to make others feel happy. We think that making others feel happy requires effort.
We think we have to buy them something in order to make them feel happy or loved by us. So we go about doing all these crazy antics and when the other person does not seem happy we get angry.
“Look at all the effort I made!”
But in truth “things” do not make people happy enough to love being around you.
People want to be seen and received – that’s how we all feel loved and valued.
As human beings we generally avoid anything which causes us pain and we gravitate to anything or anyone which makes us feel really good.
The better someone makes us feel the more connected and attached we begin to feel towards them.
The issue lies in how do we make people feel good when they are with us. The answer is that people feel best when they can be themselves.
From the moment we wake up we have to get into a mask. There is the mask we wear when we greet those neighbors, we dislike but need to pretend in order to keep the peace.
Then there are the many masks we must wear when we enter our work place.
There is a mask for the boss, and a mask for our co-workers and so on. There is almost never a time where we can say our truth and be our truth. Then we go home to a spouse where once again we have to wear a mask.
When we find someone whom we enjoy, it’s because that person has made the space for us to be our authentic self.
If you want people to enjoy and really love being around you, there are a few things you must develop in your character that will have others falling in love with you and the time they have spent with you.
The 5 effortless ways to be loved and valued by everyone
#1. Accept Their Flaws – No one is perfect. There is no such thing as perfection. We all battle with one-character flaw or the next. Most often we know our battles and we are secretly working on them.
It does not help our struggle when others point out or make public our flaws. When we find others, who know our flaws but don’t make us feel small or dysfunctional about them, it makes us feel safe when we are with them.
With that said, however, If that character flaw is directly impacting you negatively, then by all means you should speak on the matter. However, if the other person’s way is personal to themselves, then it has nothing to do with you.
Moreover, creating a safe space where others can be themselves, gives them the time and space where they can fix the issues, they may have. rather than being reminded of it by you or others.
#2. Compliment Them – People get to hear far more frequently what they are doing wrong rather than what they are doing right.
Often, we hold back compliments when we should be flooding others with words of affirmations for what they are and what they bring to our lives.
Telling someone what you love about them rather than what they have done for you is the way to go.
When you tell someone that you like it when they do a particular thing for you, that comes off more like a manipulative tactic rather than an affirmation of appreciation for who they are as an individual.
Let’s say your co-worker always remembers to bring you a bouquet of Orchids at least once a month. You could say, “I really love that you bring me these flowers every month.”
On the other hand, you could say, “I love how thoughtful you are.
I love that you take the time out to bring joy into my life every month like this. There are not many people in the word who are as thoughtful as you are.”
DO you see the difference?
The compliment is greater than just the flowers.
The compliment is about their character and their capacity to add joy and bring love to you and maybe others too.
When you do this, it touches on who that person is as an individual and that complement will carry over in a much deeper and more meaningful way.
#3. Make a Publish Broadcast – Often we give a compliment here or there to a person but how often do we expand that complement to where others can partake in that positive love fest?
Some people are not comfortable in any form of public expression towards them.
This does not have to be awkward nor does it have to be so public that you broadcast it to a football field. Just small moments where you say it out so others around can hear.
If you are in a group it is ok to say to them, what you like about that particular person. This works in making the other person trust your compliments much more because there are other people to validate that complement.
#4. Talk About The Things Which Make Them Happy – Feelings of happiness are like a drug. People can become addicted to the time they spend with you when they are immersed in good times.
Everyone is looking to feel good. When you focus on bringing a vibration of joy to your time with others, they will seek you out. They will want to spend much more time with you in order to feel more of that happy, exciting time.
Now when you focus on the things that personally make them happy, then you can really make them feel extraordinary when they are around you.
#5. Creating The Spotlight Effect – Do you know that feeling where you can’t get the attention of anyone?
If you try to engage anyone in a topic that is impacting you, there is the distinct feeling that no one really cares. The feeling that no one is listening and you are in this issue alone?
If you have ever felt this before, then you know the feeling that a large percentage of people go through every day. They are eager to be seen. They are eager to be heard but no one is seeing, no one is listening to them.
In such a case people who are not being listened to become hungry for attention. That hunger can even turn to anger or deep loneliness. They are in the midst of people but still invisible.
Creating the spotlight effect, requires that you bring your full focus and attention to listening.
Listening attentively without needing to interrupt the other person to share your point or to give a “me to” answer, is one of the best ways to demonstrate love.
Moreover, when you give full attention to a person it gives them the validation that they need.
It makes them feel received, valued, appreciated and often loved.
Try listening to someone for 20 – 30 minutes straight, giving full eye contact as you face them. Listen without interrupting them, except for the occasional nods of approval or understanding.
Conclusion: There are many ways of getting others to feel wonderful about being with us. Often we may complain that it is hard to build a connection with others, but more so that connection has to be built from our end first.
We have to create a loving space where others can feel accepted and received.
When we can do this for others, it becomes hard to fight them off. People will gravitate towards anyone who can hold that space of joy and loving approval towards them.