awqesome-relationshipIt hurt your heart and soul didn’t it?

When that seemingly great relationship failed.

What happened?  Why don’t your relationships work, while some around you are totally blissed out?

You’d love to have an awesome relationship.  Who wouldn’t?

Maybe you’ve hoped for, prayed for and dreamed of an authentic relationship connection, one that doesn’t drag you down, but lifts you up.  But the pieces of that romantic jigsaw just haven’t been fitting together…yet.

It’s time to create a new relationship puzzle, one without the pieces of past loves sabotaging your present life and present love.

Don’t lose hope.  Keep the faith.  The things you’re believing in have their appointed hour.

Before I stepped into my best and last romance I’d had my fair share of heartbreak, and I’d learned it was better to break my own heart and leave, rather than have someone break my heart every single day.

Here I am, still standing.  Smiling.

I came through all of life’s relationship storms a different person than the one that walked in.  I was stronger, wiser and no longer willing to be subjected to mind games and lies.

And I want to shares 3 things I learned in the hope that they get you started on the path towards your awesome relationship. 

The one where you’re both committed to one another beyond success and failure, beyond health and sickness, beyond anything that isn’t of love.

Because that’s beautiful.

Because you deserve nothing less.

And because it’s time to stop letting your past interfere with your present.

1. Change your stories

Your hopes, wishes and dreams live within you on a conscious level.  You’re aware you have them. 

But the stories you tell yourself live in the deep of who you are.  They are your beliefs and affect you in ways you probably don’t even know.  And most likely you never notice them.

Let’s say you had a relationship that ended badly.  Really badly. And you came out of that experience with the belief, that men/women are dirty rotten scoundrels.

That becomes your story.

Your relationship experiences are filtered through this story. And that’s the vibration of energy you carry around relationships.  What kind of men/women do you think you’ll attract to you?  Do you think you’ll get that awesome relationship? 

You’re like a little magnet, attracting everything that vibrates with the same frequency.

How do I know?  ‘Cos I’ve done this. 

And my last story, after my husband died, was that I’d had more love than some people get in a lifetime and that was good enough for me. 

Until the day it wasn’t. And I became aware that it was time to change that little story.

So I changed that limiting belief/story to  “I’ve had more love than some people get in a lifetime…and it’s possible that there’s even greater love for me.” 

And that became my new inner story, until it became my truth.

And now I live this wonderful truth every day and it really is beautiful.

You can do this dear ones.  This is the place we all have to start if we haven’t experienced that awesome and lasting relationship yet.  

It really is necessary to change your relationship stories.

2. Stop the crystal ball syndrome

The funny thing about relationships is that we sometimes expect others to be mind readers.

“They should know what I want. “

“It should be obvious how I feel.”

But none of us have a crystal ball. 

And whilst the idea that our actions speak louder than words is mostly true…not everyone is capable of reading the signs. 

Everything we see or hear is filtered through our perspectives on life.  The beliefs we have. Those stories we tell ourselves. 

So even if someone is saying and doing one thing, it’s pretty easy for us to judge it as something entirely different.

[socialpug_tweet tweet=”Sometimes we’re not only on different pages, we’re reading from different books.” display_tweet=”Sometimes we’re not only on different pages, we’re reading from different books.”]

And we are setting ourselves up for unhappiness if we don’t seek clarity when we’re unsure, or give clarity when our significant other is unsure.

Even assuming that the things you do for someone should tell them how much you love and care for them, it doesn’t always work that way.  The idea that ‘it goes without saying’ is so not true.  Truth be told this often can leave the important people in your life feeling unloved and uncared for.

Speak up. Make sure your actions and words are totally understood. 

3. See the funny side

Laughter truly is the best medicine. 

Laugh with one another when you are misunderstood. 

Be amused when something doesn’t quite go as planned; it’s so much healthier for you and your relationship and seeing the funny side shrinks that experience to something much less significant.

Honestly, every time you are able to find humor in frustrating situations you come out ahead.

And if you can be silly together, all the better.  Sometimes we take life and our relationships entirely too seriously.  Relax. Make fun a part of every day.  Allow spontaneity and goofiness to be part of your relationship and you might discover it strengthens your love.

Laughter is the secret to long life, so they say.  And laughing together is the secret to lasting relationships.

Final thoughts on your awesome relationship

Sometimes the hardest part of life isn’t making the changes we need, but a willingness to start afresh.  This is entirely normal.  But to experience an awesome relationship when our previous experiences have been less than awesome, means something has to be different.  And that something is us!

Life is like an ever changing kaleidoscope, a little shift and everything changes.

You can allow those unconscious stories to continue running the same pattern for your life, or you can make that first little shift. 

Shake things up a bit and start enjoying a relationship that nourishes your heart and soul, because you are beautiful, gifted and unique in the whole universe.  

There is no-one like you and there never will be again.  How much more special can you be dear one?  You are perfectly, unreservedly worthy of a great life and awesome relationships. 

Encourage one another.

Love Elle


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. This is an amazing insight: ” I’d learned it was better to break my own heart and leave, rather than have someone break my heart every single day.” I smiled often reading your words as they express my experience so well. Yes, I expect a mind-reader!!!!! I love these three tips, Elle. I can (relatively) easily put them into practice and I think they will make for powerful change.

    • I’m so glad you liked the post Sandra…it’s fascinating how many parallels we have found in our lives. 🙂

    • These tips definitely work for us Ellen…hope you have fun with them too. 🙂

  2. Elle,

    Thank you for this wonderful advice born out of your own experience. I like how you changed your limiting belief about love into one that allowed more into your life. I know this is an area I am going to have to work on. But like you, for now, it’s fine — until it’s not. 🙂

    • Hi Debbie…it’s so true that things can be fine until that one day when suddenly they’re not! I like the way life gives us wake up calls and it’s up to us whether we answer them or not! 🙂

  3. I can’t believe how amazing and inspirational you are Elle , I would love to meet you .
    I just thought gosh this lady would have me sorted in a day ?

  4. This is such a great post! Thanks Elle. I’m definitely going to put your tips into practice in my relationship. It’s good – but it can always be better!

  5. honeyplaybey

    Perhaps there is no such thing as a perfect relationship and the reasons that determine whether you choose to maintain or end a relationship starts out as feelings, and later as interests.

    • I don’t think anything can be perfect honeyplaybey, but it can certainly be wonderful. 🙂

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