Reading time: 4 minutes
I would bet at some point in time we all could have used a simple guide to better relationships.
How are your yours working out? Everything hunky dory, or could they use a little boost?
If there are times when you’re feeling a little insecure, a little neglected, or even a little put out, pull up a chair because I have a story to tell you.
Let’s begin with the fact that everything we do stems from what we think, what we believe, what we say.
We think we have freedom of action, but what we have is freedom to react – to events and people, to what we see or what we read, yet what we’re reacting to is ourself. Now that’s a kettle of fish of a different order.
Forgetting this, my friend Jen found herself regularly upset with her husband, not that he was an awful, scary, cheating son of gun, just your regular, non listening, non appreciative, non complimentary, fault finding, slightly controlling, husband.
And I know we don’t all have one of these…aren’t we the lucky duckies?
The more she focused on feeling neglected, the worse it got. The more she expected him to not appreciate her the more she felt ignored. Her imagination ran wild, he was probably having an affair. Their marriage was over.
But before she gave up and fled the country she remembered she had tools, tips and techniques that she’d forgotten to use. She’d been so caught up in the circumstances that she’d overlooked her divine right to be in charge of her destiny.
These are the basics she returned to:
1. Giving up wanting it to change
Sounds weird I know, but if you take a minute or two, even a second or two and allow yourself to be willing to give up wanting the relationship to change, an amazing thing happens. You create space for peace.
You create an opportunity to move from ‘wanting’ something, to having it.
Constantly ‘wanting’ something tells us we don’t have it, not even in consciousness. And if we don’t have it in consciousness, we won’t have it at all. We’ll remain in the place of wanting. No happy outcomes there.
2. Allowing yourself to be wonderful
Imagine feeling that you’re the most wonderful person in the world. Everyone loves you.
You’re joyful and happy to be with and you lead a zest filled life. Overflowing with love and peace and kindness of heart it’s inconceivable that you aren’t appreciated and nurtured and secure in your world. In fact your world is peopled with love.
From colleagues to friends to family and partners, you are supported and cherished. It’s great. Life is good.
Pay attention what what the ‘ideal’ relationship experience would be for you.
Remember that you have so much to give in a relationship and how wonderful it is to receive it in return.
Keep your attention away from what’s ‘wrong’ and keep it on a life where you are experiencing a generous, honest and caring relationship, and that’s what you’ll begin to attract.
Value relationships, even those short, seemingly insignificant meetings with strangers.
See the gift within each loving relationships and imagine living your life being open and honest and receptive.
4. Create habits of happiness
Focus on what’s right about your relationship – you’re bound to find something – we tend to see what we look for.
And if not, maybe it really is time to flee the country.
But if this is the choice, just remember wherever you go, there you are, same you, and eventually the same experiences show up – might just as well take a stand and change your perspective.
We almost always get a perfect match for whatever energy we’re radiating – and we all know what creates that vibration of energy…yep right first time, our thoughts, feelings, beliefs – you know the drill.
It sounds simple, but it turned out to be revolutionary for Jen. Everything changed. Because everything depends on our attitude towards ourselves. What we can’t embrace as true of ourselves will never materialize.
5. My takeaway for better relationships
Jen was willing to let go of ‘wanting’ and embrace having. And the thing that had the biggest, quickest impact she said was her choosing to see herself as wonderful.
She began to feel differently about herself and noticed little changes, her husband started to compliment her, to ask if he could help out when she was running late.
He filled her car with gas…not a huge thing in and of itself…but an enormous change for Jen. Little things do mean a lot.
Jen’s willingness to see and do things differently created a different reality. She opened her heart and expanded herself and her relationships.
She says she can’t in good conscience say that they have what some would call the perfect relationship, whatever that might be…but it works for them…they’re both happy…and no-one is contemplating fleeing the country.
And she believes better relationships are there for all, if they remember the basics.
Seems to me the biggest take-away for Jen was what many of our sages have told us throughout the centuries ~ success and happiness be it in love, or health or anything else, is not to be pursued it’s be attracted by the person you are, the person you become.
Don’t you just love happy endings?
Decide who you are, decide how you see yourself, decide what the ideal relationship looks like to you…maybe Jen’s simple guide will help.
I’m not going to sit here and tell you that every relationship is easily fixable.
I don’t know.
I’m blessed to be the happiest woman in the world, with my best and last romance…so I’m no judge, but I am here to tell you that our relationships are our mirrors and viewed in this light…they can be a tool for our healing and growth.
I will tell you what someone a whole lot smarter than me once said:
You can’t just give up on someone because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships are not great because they have no problems. They are great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work. – Annonymous
Encourage one another.