Beautiful fashionable woman standing on the city street. Sepia.

We’ve all met the person everyone wants to be around. The one who leaves you feeling good after spending time with them…the one people want to hire, work with, or just be their friend.

Sorry. I don’t have a magic wand to turn you into that person, but I do have seven ways to help you cultivate greater self-confidence, charisma and the ability to attract wonderful people and circumstances into your life.

1. Run a mile from the energy vampires

When you value the opinion of others more than you value your own you give away your power to be yourself.

Before too long you’ll be totally taken over by what others think, and how they see the world and the essence and energy of who you are gets sucked right out of you.

I get it. I’ve totally made that mistake myself.

Ignoring the voices of others can be hard, but if you listen too long they will drown out your inner voice of wisdom. Within you is a truth and beauty that is all yours. Don’t be afraid to live it.

You don’t need to let others or their negativity affect you.

Vibrate higher.

By all means listen to others, but don’t let them be the only voice you hear and don’t let anyone tell you you’re doing it all wrong.  Remember…

[success]Because one believes in oneself, one doesn’t try to convince others. Because one is content with oneself, one doesn’t need others’ approval. Because one accepts oneself, the whole world accepts him or her. ~ Lao Tzu [/success]

2. Avoid the arsonists in your midst

You know the ones I mean.

Those whose actions are underhanded, those who go behind someone’s back, or cheat or lie, or use another’s ideas…this is playing with fire of a spiritual kind.

Just because the fire they play with isn’t physical it doesn’t mean they won’t get burned. They will.

And if you hang around them you’ll definitely feel the heat.

Don’t join them. Ever.

“If it’s not right don’t do it, if it’s not true don’t say it.”  The truth is you always know the right thing to do and not doing it only leads to getting burned.

Remember you attract who you are, not what you want, and everyone we hang out with, becomes a part of who we are.  Make sure that the people around you have integrity and add something valuable to your world.

3. Choose your best self

When your heart is large enough to include yourself. When you let go of sharp criticisms, something awesome happens within.

When you raise your awareness to include your own love and acceptance, your confidence and charisma will bloom and grow stronger.

Don’t be too hard on yourself, there’s plenty of people around who’ll happily do that for you.  You get to choose who you want to be around…make sure you surround yourself with those who actively encourage, uplift you and nourish your soul.

You are far more than you currently might be able to see. There’s many ‘selves’ waiting to be discovered, but first you must accept the self you currently are.

One of life’s paradoxes is that, once you love who you are, as you are now, you take the pressure off yourself, leaving you free to explore any other ‘self’ you might choose to become.

4. Don’t let old patterns diminish you

No matter how many times you’ve been down, or defeated, nor how many times you’ve been uplifted and successful, there’s always another success or defeat around the corner.

It’s the nature of things.

It’s called growth. It’s called life.

You weren’t created to be defeated by disappointment and regret. You might not be in control of everything that life throws your way, but you don’t have to allow old patterns to diminish you.

Remember to put things in their proper perspective, defeat isn’t a permanent state of affairs. Do your best to notice when your old patterns show up. You’ll get where you want to be by deciding you’re already there.

5. Watch your attitude

attitude-of-childRemember what you were like as a child? You sang, skipped and ran your way through life. Walking was far too slow. There was much to explore, much fun to be had and many dreams to be experienced.

Filled with joy, you were always, always, hopeful. Deep within you was a belief that you were awesome.

Today, you might have joined the millions who believe life is pretty hopeless or constantly difficult.

Don’t resign yourself to this fate. No matter how difficult things might look today try disconnecting your hope and happiness from your achievements.

Most happy people aren’t happy because a particular event occurred; their happiness is conditioned by their inner attitude. Like the child you were, be happy just because you are.

6. Get rid of your fear of being wrong

What’s the worst that can happen?

Stop being afraid of what might go wrong, or how you could be wrong and start imagining what could go right. Imagine the possibilities and you’ll give yourself a chance to turn those possibilities into realities.

Forget the opportunities you missed, forget what’s happened in the past; who you ultimately become depends on your willingness to do more than relive missed chances.

Don’t be afraid of the mystery of the unknown, sometimes deep within it you discover who you were always meant to be.

7. Spiritually speaking

If you think you’re not good enough, life will reflect that back to you with obstacles and hardship. If you think you’re not worthy, life will reflect that back to you in failed relationships, failed opportunities, failed promises and missed chances.

You deserve better. You deserve more. You deserve to feel good about yourself, so love yourself first and allow love to renew, revitalize and reflect back to you the truth of who you are.

Feeling good about yourself might be hard to do, but it’s a necessary part of self-confidence. How can anyone see your awesomeness if you don’t feel it?

No matter what anyone has told you, no matter what belief you’ve accepted about yourself, you are valuable, you are lovable and you deserve a happy, successful, rich life.

I’m challenging you to treat yourself better, steer clear of arsonists, take a look under the hood at all the possibilities and claim your greatness.

Got feedback?  I’d love to know in the comments below if you’re one of those people we all love to be around. What’s your secret? Or do you have other suggestions to support us in becoming our greatest self?  YOUR share could trigger a breakthrough or inspiration that someone else really needs.

As always thank you so much for reading and commenting. If you enjoyed the read, please share this on your favorite social networks. Between us we could support more people who need a little encouragement to step up their confidence and charisma quotient.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle


Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. It’s interesting, the word charismatic kind of turns me off because it feels less than genuine. I think the best way to “attract” people is to be genuine, authentic, real, and giving in a way that comes naturally (not like a martyr).

    I like your 3rd point on Choosing Your Best self, Elle. I feel that’s an important starting point. When we are gentle with ourselves, it’s far easier to be gentle with others.

    • ElleSommer

      Funny how we tell ourselves stories, even about words isn’t it Sandra? The story I have about charisma, is charming, appealing and likeable. Perception is an amazing thing.

      Ultimately whatever our perception, I do believe we only ‘attract’ who we are. Be it in experiences or people. 🙂

  2. Joseph Appaloosa

    Another wonderful article, Elle !
    I believe your “Seven Ways” could easily be expanded into a powerful book !
    ” we are far more than we currently see” . . . wow . . . what a reminder of how we limit ourselves . . . and combine that with your delightful description of how children celebrate life . . . we “grown-ups” need to be loving + fearless + hopeful again . . .
    I AM claiming my greatness !
    Write on, Elle !

    • ElleSommer

      Hello again Joseph, I love what you say about being loving and fearless and hopeful. Sounds to me as though you’re pretty ‘great’ already. 🙂

    • ElleSommer

      Glad you found a nugget Kim. It’s always encouraging to know that something resonates…thanks for taking the time to say so. 🙂

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