[success]The difficulty lies not so much in developing new ideas as in escaping from the old ones. ~ John Maynard Keynes[/success]
This could be the best time of your life. The best financial time, the best emotional time, the best spiritual time. But you need to take control of your state of mind if you want this to be true for you, because, in the end our life is judged by the things that we complete. And we need focus to help make that happen.
Maybe you want a better life, but find it difficult to do what’s necessary to make changes.
You might want to experience growth, but don’t find change very comfortable.
Perhaps you want to stop getting upset about things, but your mind insist on re-running every drama.
Or you want to be filled with self-confidence yet still find yourself feeling overly concerned with fitting in, worrying about what others might think.
Wherever life finds you today, by managing your thoughts, feelings and behaviours you can set yourself up for all the success you can imagine. Here’s a few steps to keep it simple:
Ask better questions for a more passionate productive life
When I was 5 I was incredibly shy which made me an ideal target for bullies. My aunt offered me money to go and hit someone who’d been hitting me, asking me if I thought it was ok for others to hit me. My mum told me if I asked lousy questions, I’d only get lousy answers. I needed a better question.
If you’ve been asking yourself ‘why does this always happen to me’, ‘how can I get through the day’…you’re asking the wrong question and the answers your mind will come up with won’t support you in making helpful changes. You’re focused on what’s wrong.
If you ask yourself ‘how can I make today great’, ‘what will I celebrate today’, ‘what’s the most important thing I can do for myself today’, ‘how can I be of service today’, you’ll be rewarded with more uplifting answers. The choice is simple, be a passenger or the captain of your life.
Create better rituals and patterns for a more passionate productive life
We’re all controlled by our patterns and rituals. Our first thing in the morning ritual, our heading out to exercise or not ritual, our managing our day ritual, our getting ready for bed ritual. Even the way we ask questions is a ritual we’ve created which becomes a pattern of being.
Everything affects everything else. Your life develops from your patterns and to create a better life you need to make better decisions. Which means creating better patterns.
Doing what it takes isn’t always easy, it requires determination and discipline. But I promise you, the rewards will be phenomenal.
You already have rituals in your relationships, in your finances, with your body, and everything in between. Challenge yourself and take control of the state of mind you live in. If you want something new you have to let go of something old.
Remember, we are what we repeatedly do.
Ask yourself if the rituals and patterns you have in place are truly serving you, if the answer is no, replace them. One at a time.
Don’t talk yourself out of your dreams
If you’re a natural worrier, and I remember when that used to be me, it isn’t helpful to sit and stew in all the things that bother you. There’s no greater way to talk yourself out of your dreams and desires.
No matter how hard it is, letting your “big” worry out into the light and talking about it with someone close to you, allows you to see it more clearly.
You don’t have to suffer, take a deep breath and remind yourself the only thing that’s creating worry right now are the thoughts you’re thinking. You are the cause of your worry or fear.
It’s easier to deal with worries if you track them.
Write them down.
Stay patient, stay positive…don’t let your worries get the best of you. Once you begin to see your common worry themes; the places you’re most vulnerable…you’ll be better able to stop those thoughts dead in their tracks.
Be a selective listener
Stop taking your thoughts so seriously. Remember that your memory can be faulty which makes your thoughts pretty inaccurate too.
Don’t believe yourself. This is a difficult one to grasp, but think about all the things you’ve been told.
Don’t believe the voice that says you’re not good enough.
Don’t believe you’re not smart enough.
Don’t believe you’ll never make anything of yourself.
Don’t believe you’re not important.
Don’t believe you’re not worthy of love, of success, of happiness.
Don’t believe any of it, because it’s not true. Even if something seemed true yesterday, today is another day.
Don’t be so filled to the brim with beliefs that aren’t true that nothing else can get in.
Be brave enough and bold enough to see yourself being the greatest version of you. Don’t let your thoughts rob you of your joy and greatness.
Begin the journey of today, by letting go of yesterday. You CAN do this.
Recharge your batteries find fun ways to have a more passionate productive life
If you knew, really knew that life was just a short segment in a bigger game what would you do? How would you live? Would you live a quiet life, filled with desperation and fear or would you live a gigantically, huge, gi-normous, bold and bright, dazzling and brilliant life?
Would you have some fun? Or would you use your time criticizing, judging and feeling miserable?
When your spirit hurts, when you need a little healing go somewhere and have fun. Restore your sense of balance. It doesn’t have to cost money, you can find fun everywhere, rolling around in the grass, running and jumping over ocean waves, playing with kids or with your dog.
Go and do something totally off the wall for you, something outrageous. You’ll find nothing seems quite so dire when you’ve laughed and lived in enjoyment, even for a short while. Reward yourself every day.
I’d love to hear from you in the comments below. What’s keeping you from having the best time of your life? Do any of these steps ring a bell?
Thank you for reading and if you enjoyed this article please share on your favourite social networks. Every like, tweet or thumbs up allows us to reach more people who might need a little positive encouragement today. I totally appreciate you. You Rock!
Encourage one another.
Love Elle
xox
21 Comments
I think rituals and habits are critical in creating the lives we want. Like T. Harv Ecker says: “How you do one thing is how you do everything.” When I thought deeply about that, I found it to be absolutely true.
The one step that I found to make the most impact on my life was giving up worrying about what others might think of me. That opened the door to endless possibilities and infinitely more joy. Combining that with asking “what’s the worst that could happen” and following it with real answers that never end up being all that bad, I’ve had more fun meeting new people (I’m a total introvert) and jumping into new experiences.
Great ideas Elle!
I think I heard Bob Proctor say the same thing Paige…many years ago at one of his seminars we enjoyed. So how did you do that? Give up worrying what other people thought of you? I’m sure a lot of people would like to follow your lead! Kudos to you Paige for being able to let go of something that was holding you back. 🙂
The biggest thing that helped me to overcome the fears around what people might think of me was networking. I wrote a post about it on my site (search for “networking”).
Basically, I had to find a job at the end of 2008 to feed my family (a very big ‘why’). Everyone said that the only way I could find a job at my level was through networking – something that scared the bejeezus out of me at the time.
So I started going to meetings and setting up coffees with anyone who might be able to help. For the first couple months it was very scary but I pushed through the fear and kept at it.
After a few months, I learned how to make it fun and was actually a little sad when I did find a job because it meant that I couldn’t spend all my time meeting and speaking with great people.
Through this process, I learned that everyone else is just as scared as I was. I learned to make it all about them and not about me. How can I help the person in front of me? How can I help them to be more at ease? How can I help them in their business or personal life? What resources can I point them to?
Making it all about the other person shifts the spotlight from your own fears to compassion for the other person. If all you care about is helping the person in front of you, what is there to be scared of? How could they judge you negatively?
Going back to the Proctor/Ecker quote, how I felt and acted in these situations transferred to all the other aspects of my life. It gave me a new level of self-confidence and feeling okay with vulnerability that permeated the rest of my life.
What an amazing story Paige – I love the way you persevered despite all the seeming odds. And what a great point you make when you shift your focus from what you get to what you give. Hardly surprising you experience such wonderful things in your world. What a great role model you are. 🙂
It is so important to develop a positive inner voice. If you don’t believe in yourself then why should anyone else?
I think these are some good steps. Those rituals are very important over a long period of time.
So true Sebastian. And some people have to overcome great self worth issues that were gifted to them as children! But one step at a time and some patience and persistence can make all the difference. And each ritual we make that supports that makes it soooo much easier. 🙂
Hi Elle,
What powerful words there!
I couldn’t agree more with you;especially about what we listen to .We often listen to our most critical self most intently.Yet most of us are guilty of skimming over the appreciation,acknowledgement,praise and adulation we receive from the world.
The problem is the critical “sieve” furiously at work within us.We habitually invalidate our own selves.That’s where Elle,you make an excellent point about not listening to that inner rival.
More than that Elle ,I just loved that part where you speak about our questions.
I am a great believer of questions myself.And their super-power potency.
I understand that questions are the little flashlights of life.They help you find your way.They point somewhere.When you look where they point you find direction.You find answers.Answers that bring hope,faith,purpose,and fulfillment along with them.Yet it is critical to make sure that our questions are right.That they are moving us forwards and not in the reverse direction.
Thanks
Mona
Hi Mona – you always have such an insightful turn of phrase – the little flashlights of life…absolutely fabulous. Judging by your latest post, we’re on a similar path this week! 🙂
What a fabulous post, Elle! I first heard the phrase, “What you think of me is none of my business” from a therapist more than 20 years ago. Then, in the late 1990s when I had the good fortune of working with Bob Procter and a company of his in Kansas City, Missouri, I became completely enthralled with the notion that succeeding in business meant I had to change my personal self-talk. Bob would say that the essence of who we are as a person in the business world depends on who we are in our private world. Then, and only then, could we have it all.
I treasure those times and the things I learned. Now I get to learn–or re-affirm–new things from new teachers like you!
Lucky you Beth to have worked alongside Bob. I had a great time with his year long coaching course and have taken some of his seminars. Isn’t it wonderful how so much of the ‘good stuff’ stays with us for ever? Thank you for your kind words, it touches my heart to know I strike a chord in you. And, like you I must consistently immerse myself in wonderful teachings, it’s a great way to diminish the volume of negativity that surrounds us daily. 🙂
How many times have I talked my self out of my dreams? Wow, that is a great line. We must be advocates for our dreams, not prosecutors!
Hi Dore – we’ve all been there, done that haven’t we. Awareness is key to changing those things that haven’t worked in the past…and hopefully you’re now living your dreams. 🙂
Wonderful post Elle! “Be a selective listener” resonated with me today. I too can sometimes listen too carefully to those negative messages and not celebrate the good stuff. I think it’s important to take the time to be aware of your own strengths and recognize those strengths on a regular basis. Thanks for the continued encouragement!
It’s difficult not to hear them isn’t it Cathy, we’re bombarded all day long. Even standing in a queue somewhere you can overhear conversations based on all the things that are wrong with our world. I too think that if we celebrate what’s good often enough we can train our mind to stop taking on board all the ‘stuff’ that isn’t helpful on our journey. 🙂
Hi, this is really great and definitely true. Our thoughts and the way we think can cause us to worry too much, having a positive perspective in life can always help us in pursuing and achieving our goals. Thanks for sharing. Great post!
Hi Sherill. Thankfully we get to choose what we focus on, choose what we think, choose what we believe which equals a life of our choosing. Pretty good system if you ask me! 🙂
This is truly the key to everything: “you need to take control of your state of mind.” Yes, it makes sense to have more fun instead of wasting our time being critical and miserable! I’m definitely working on my 1:2 work play ratio!
Hi Elle – particularly agree with the ‘go have some fun’ – that’s Laura and my answer whenever we get stuck or down. The ‘secret’ for me is not to take yourself too seriously all of the time – the message is serious, but sometimes the tone doesn’t need to be.
Thanks for the post
Hello Mark, great to have you here and for sharing your perspective. Fun is often a missing component in life isn’t it. Just watch the kids is what I say…they move on from some great upset into a place of having fun in a blink of an eye. I suspect they just don’t take it too seriously, as you say! 🙂
Hi elle; wonderful post including the part at the end about having fun something i need to do more and be more open and creative with. i have been thinking lately that maybe my attitude about success and wealth may be holding me back. I have written an ebook and recorded an online course to show people how to get and use radio interviews to share their story and promote their brand. I’ve been proud of the work and happy to have completed it. but i think i’ve been at the happy to be here stage too long. i have decided that with my next project whatever it is that i want and expect it to be financially successful. I want my next book to be a best seller and provide the income to do even bigger things. i believe it can and will happen and am actively seeking suggestions on how to make it happen. thanks for sharing max
Hello Max…my goodness I have seen you grow so much, it warms my heart. Maybe a pat on the back for how far you’ve come would be a good idea. Not to say that you’re not moving ahead with more wonderful projects and greater dreams because clearly you are. Sometimes we just need an attaboy or attagirl to get us moving forward again. So let me be the first here. Big props to you kiddo. 🙂