You want to live the best life possible… of course you do.  Who doesn’t?

But when it comes to pursuing that ideal career or starting your own business, or living that dream, nothing happens.

You’ve read hundreds of self-help books that promise to get you to where you want to go and it’s supposed to be easy. Right?

Yet here you are not getting anywhere close to where you want to be because you still don’t believe it’s possible. Not for you. Your confidence has taken a hit.  And sadly it’s impossible to find time for your dreams and truly live the life you want if you’re lacking in confidence.

You worry about it, and you shouldn’t. Here’s what you need to know.

1. Become aware

Take a look at how lack of confidence shows up in your life. What have you left undone because you didn’t think you could do it? What ‘less than’ thoughts and choices have you made, and are still making. Where have you been beating yourself up and feeling unworthy?

Becoming self aware is the first step towards making changes. Begin to notice what you say to yourself, what limitations you think you have and check out whether they’re real or just limitations you’ve accepted as true. Do this and watch your confidence blossom.

2. Get a game plan

Half the problem with lack of confidence is living each day without any plans on how to get where you want to go. Create a mental picture of how and what you could put into practice today. If you want an awesome, exciting, fulfilling life…then put into practice the ideas that support you in having that awesome, exciting and fulfilling life.

Draw up your game plan for the next hour, the next day, the next week. Your awesome life isn’t just going to magically appear in your world. It needs your help.

3. Accentuate small wins

Every day you’ve had or done something that feels pretty good and you don’t need the approval of others before giving yourself a pat on the back. Believing in yourself regardless of what others might think stops the need for people pleasing to hold you down.

It becomes really hard to believe in yourself when you have to wait for the approval of someone else. If you don’t get it you won’t feel good. That’s no way to live…placing your happiness in the hands of others.

Find healthy ways to encourage yourself, it’s not self-centered, it’s a necessity.

4. Don’t shoot for the moon

One of the common threads in the training of Olympic athletes is to focus on a series of winnable goals, working on doing one thing better than before.  Many of us shoot for the moon only to be discouraged when we land on the stars.

Be more like an athlete and focus on definable achievements every day, however small. What could you do a little better today than you did yesterday. Begin somewhere and keep moving forward. This gives you confidence in your ability and you’ll feel good about yourself. Good enough to try something a little more adventurous next time and achieve that too.

5. Follow your enthusiasm

There’s something about enthusiasm that brings out the light in people. Think about those times you were with someone who was totally passionate about what they were doing, the burning energy of it is contagious. beautifully breathtaking and filled with purpose.

If you’ve lost your direction in life shift it to something you’re enthusiastic about. Having a greater sense of purpose fills your life with more beauty and meaning. This boosts confidence. Unleash your passion and you’ll always have a stockpile of confidence to draw on.

Spiritually speaking

You can never rise above the image you have of yourself. If you see yourself as financially lacking and then you win the lottery…before too long you would be back in the same financial boat. Look at how many lottery winners that’s happened to.

If you see yourself as being unworthy or unlovable…your relationships, no matter how well they start, will soon fall apart. Your life experiences are the reflection of who you believe you are in any and every arena of life.

Follow this simple formula. Take your attention away from the conception you have of yourself, whatever it is, and put it on that ideal you. The one that up until now you weren’t confident enough could be true of you.

Do this consistently and your present limitations of yourself will fade away to be replaced by a new level of confidence in YOU.

Over to you…

How has confidence, or the lack thereof, affected you?  Just imagine what might be possible for you if there was just one small limiting belief you have about yourself that you could let go of? 

Thank you so very much for reading and sharing. Your kindness and insight always warms my heart, and I’m so appreciative of your loving and encouraging spirit.

Encourage one another.

Love Elle



Elle Sommer is the author of 4 books and a workbook. Her latest publications are a series called The Power of Consciousness, and you will find all three books in this trilogy now available on Kindle. She shares quotes, inspiration and positive vibes on Facebook, Instagram and Pinterest. And her greatest desire is to encourage and inspire others to create not just a good life, but a phenomenal life.


  1. Hi Elle,

    You’re right, not believing it’s possible is typically the biggest hurdle. I think that’s why a lot of people tend to procrastinate when it comes to their dreams. They don’t think they can do it so they don’t give it much effort.

    In the past I used to always overthink things. I did it so much that I started to question myself and my abilities. I confidence that I had when I begun dropped drastically. Reminding myself of past achievements and small steps towards progress helped me to rebuild my confidence when it lagged.

    Great topic!

    Talk soon,

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Lea, nice to see you again. Aah that old questioning and self-doubt raises it’s head. I think we’re all prone to that somewhat, but then you began to remind yourself of your accomplishments and it made a difference. There’s a lesson for us all. You changed your focus. It’s amazing how we know that works and sometimes get caught in the weeds. Great job Lea in finding tools to building your confidence and thanks for sharing with us. 🙂

  2. Elle,

    I’m a big believer and practicer of “accentuate small wins.” Doing this actually keeps the dopamine flowing in your brain to keep you motivated and moving forward. Good stuff!

    • ElleSommer

      Well that’s interesting Debbie. I didn’t appreciate the dopamine connection but it makes perfect sense as a tool to maintain the flow of creative energy. Thanks for this insight. 🙂

  3. Tillie Bright

    I’ve often played with being a writer I have taken no creative writing courses but I have an excellent command of the English language,. When I retired I decided to reinvent myself and one of the things I did was to write a memoir. I didn’t let my lack of training stop me, I just wrote my story. I did have sense to give it an editor and after revisions I will self publish.

    I’ve joined a writer’s group and am realizing how much I have to learn, but I feel proud that I had a goal of writing a a book and did it. I have no illusions that I will sell many other than to family and friends but I didn’t let my lack of formal training hold me back. I shut out all the negative thoughts and feelings and just did it.

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Tillie, all I can say is WOW. Way to go. I’m truly impressed with you and you know what…I don’t see any reason why you can’t become a top-notch and big selling author. You know the old saying believe you can and it’s more likely to happen. I can believe it…so if you’re struggling with your belief, just believe in mine! 🙂

  4. I love that you have get a game plan! I always feel much more confident when I have a plan, a list, a structured way forward. Mind you, I definitely have to balance it with ‘don’t shoot for the moon’ as sometimes my list can be a little long… 😉

    • ElleSommer

      You are the most organized and effective woman I know Ellen. You accomplish so much and are a testament to the ‘get a game plan’ concept.

      I’m trying to emulate you, because even though I believe in it, it’s challenging for me to follow. So I do the one hour at a time plan…that way I actually get some things done. Not to your degree tho’, so all advice from you is well worth reading (I’m speaking to anyone like me here and yes, I know you’re out there!) 🙂

  5. ElleSommer

    Love that quote Peggy and love that you bring enthusiasm to all you do. I have a friend who can’t manage to be enthusiastic at any level and it’s clearly not helping or supporting him win the backing for any of his ventures. It’s amazing what just a smidgeon of enthusiasm can do. It’s a great energy to dwell in and I celebrate you. 🙂

  6. This is such an interesting point, Elle: ” You can never rise above the image you have of yourself. If you see yourself as financially lacking and then you win the lottery…before too long you would be back in the same financial boat.” I didn’t know that. I especially like the small steps, myself.

    • ElleSommer

      It took a while for me to appreciate the power of that idea Sandra. And it’s one of the reasons that I value a mindset of joyful success because I know I don’t need any help in expressing the things are the forefront of my consciousness, positive or negative. It would be even more lovely if I stayed in that mindset 24/7 but sometimes….stuff happens and I fall out of it! Oh well…getting better and better every day. 🙂

  7. Great tips here, Elle! This line – “Take a look at how lack of confidence shows up in your life.” makes so much sense. Taking a look at what is working and not working has made a difference for me. You have a very doable approach here that is helpful for all! Thanks!

    • ElleSommer

      It seems so obvious Cathy, taking a look at what’s working and see where lack of confidence might play part, but it wasn’t something I was able to do earlier in my life. Today is a different story and I’m glad the same is true for you…it’s so much easier to step right back into the flow of the best that life has to offer doesn’t it? 🙂

  8. Joseph Appaloosa

    Another great article, Elle !
    I love what you said about enthusiasm. Recently, I had the opportunity to hire someone to do some work for me. This young man was so passionate about his craft and positive of his path to success that he was just a joy to be around. I have no doubt he will achieve things well beyond his bold yet well detailed plan.
    And I agree that we need to recognize and celebrate all of our small wins ! What better way to enjoy your day !
    Write on, Elle !

    • ElleSommer

      Hi Joseph, lovely to hear from you again. What a cool story about the person you met who sounds to be overflowing with enthusiasm. How can it not feel good to be around that joyful energy. Love it. And a big yes to celebrating wins, I’d count meeting this young man as one of them. 🙂

  9. Thanks for another great motivating post. People can never get enough confidence booster and you always knock it out of the park. Thanks for giving me my encouragement.

    • ElleSommer

      Hello Rose. I have to thank you for always being so encouraging. I’m really happy you enjoy the posts and I’m truly grateful for the encouragement you give in return. Talk about paying it forward! 🙂

  10. Hi, as always, you never fail to give us a very motivating post. As they say ” an enthusiastic heart finds opportunities everywhere”. Thanks for sharing. Great Read.

    • ElleSommer

      Oooh I like that Sherill – ‘an enthusiastic heart finds opportunities everywhere’ – wish I’d written that. Thanks for sharing this…it felt good to read it this morning. 🙂

  11. Andrew Schick

    I love what you wrote here, I will have to utilize them!

    • ElleSommer

      Thank you Andrew. Let me know how you do and what works best for you. Maybe we can fine tune the techniques this way. 🙂

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