“Can you just stop it? You are so stupid, keep your mouth shut!” I was walking on the street one day when I overheard a quarrel between a husband and wife.

I am certain that you have spoken many unkind words in your life before. Some of them you may still regret till today.

Have you actually taken a step back to consider what the useless results of criticism are?

In our fit of anger, we criticise, we put down and we condemn.

Small criticisms have huge impacts, sometimes even causing an entire relationship to fall apart.

But, what if we thought about it the opposite way?

What if we instead start to affirm, rather than put down?

You may find affirming others difficult, and yes I too feel that way. However, just imagine what a small bit of encouragement could do!

It has so many more benefits than you could have imagined

1. Encouraging affirmations are  an expression of love

I’m pretty sure you have heard of The 5 Love Languages, am I right? In that now famous book, Gary Chapman explains 5 ways people give and receive love.

Do you know what one way is?

Yup, you guessed it. Words of affirmation.

Encouraging affirmations are a powerful way to express love in a relationship. It is a method often neglected by many people.

If your partner’s primary (or even secondary) love language is words of affirmation, you can be certain that any words of affirmation you give will have a powerful impact on your partner.

For this to be of maximum impact, the words of affirmation you give should be regular. Then, your partner will feel the love you are trying to express.

However, here is an important note of caution that you do not want to miss.

If your partner’s primary love language is words of affirmation, you do not want to criticise him/her!

He/she would be extremely sensitive to any negative words spoken to him/her, just like how he/she would be extremely satisfied when words of affirmation are spoken.

Hence, the next time you want to shout at your wife/husband, resist the urge. Think about the nasty implications it will leave behind.

2.Build your partner up

It doesn’t matter if your partner’s primary love language is something else.

Encouraging affirmations benefit any person.

When your partner receives a sweet note “You can do this, I believe in you”, your partner will muster strength to face whatever difficulty he/she is facing.

Giving affirmations allow your partner to be more confident, and overcome the challenges he/she may be facing in life.

Such affirmations don’t cost a dime, and often you simply cannot imagine the results…

3.Encouraging affirmations build your partner up

Your partner doesn’t have to win the Medal of Honour for you to congratulate him/her. Nor does your partner have to buy you the latest Ferrari for your birthday for you to appreciate him/her.

The most powerful appreciations are often for small, almost overlooked things.


Small appreciations give your partner an element of surprise.

Your partner may be doing the housework every day, and today is no exception. Yes, it may seem small, but just an encouraging affirmation can go a long way in building up your relationship with your spouse.

In fact, that appreciation may even be unexpected, and would cause your “words of affirmation” partner to be over the moon.

In addition, small appreciations can be produced on a consistent basis, and this more likely causes your partner to feel appreciated.

There is however, one more point of note.

For your partner to feel appreciated, your affirmations must come from your heart! Yeah, write that cheesy message… from your heart!

4. Touching words

Some people brush off words as cheap. Yeah, that’s true, but only for some type of words.

Words that come from the heart aren’t cheap, they are as precious as diamonds.

These words, especially when spoken to a person whose love language is words of affirmation, have the power to touch his/her heart to the core.

If you have trouble writing honest and genuine affirmations, consider this.

Are the words you are writing consistent with your character, behaviour and beliefs?

Your partner probably knows you very well in these 3 areas, and any misalignment with them will be easy to sniff out.

To write an affirmation that touches hearts, make sure your message is aligned to these 3 areas.

These touching affirmations help build the relationship, and deepen the love between you and your partner.


It may be difficult for you to give words of affirmation, but upon reading this article, I hope you give it another thought.

And if you are struggling with a cold relationship, speaking words of affirmation may be the solution you have been looking for.

Can you think of the time when someone’s encouraging words impacted your life?


Author Bio: Nathanael Siew is the owner of the personal development website Wise Living Today, a website aimed at inspiring people to see the world through lenses of hope. With in-depth content and fresh insights, his articles empower readers to live a more meaningful and effective life. Get your FREE handbook + checklist on “The 9-Step Guide to Applying ANY Advice in your Life”!

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